impact of going part time at work on your marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

I'd rather have less free time and grocery store prepped meals and keep my career. Enjoy your freedom!

I'm a orthodontist. Doesn't get much more career than that.

I couldn't keep my career and work only 80%. You're lucky that you can do that.

I'm not an doctor, but I do work in a sales organization and work an 4 day a week schedule. Hasn't been a problem to keep my career. Not everyone has the same path in life or the same opportunities. I think many of you jumping on this poster for the "audacity" for finding a balance between home and career are just sour grapes.

Not sour grapes, sincere comment that she's lucky. Lawyers get mommy tracked if they work 80%, at least at my employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

This sounds glorious. The perfect balance. I think we all could use a 3 day weekend and have that one day to prepare for the week, so that both people are not spending precious family time running errands. You still keep full time employment status, but can use that one day to do all of your doctors appointments, errands, and not have to go to the grocery store when everyone else is there. I too do a ton of meal prep and it SUCKS that it has to happen on Sundays when we really just want to hang with the kids.

Why wouldn't you grocery shop and meal prep at night after the kids are in bed? I wouldn't give up a Sunday with my kids to shop and meal prep. Also, other than grocery shopping, my family has no errands to do on a weekly basis. What kinds of errands are y'all doing regularly?

I'm not he poster you are responding to, but my kids are in bed at 8:30, no way would I head out to the grocery store at 8:30PM and then start cooking up a storm. I'm in bed myself at 930, an hour of TV and then off to sleep. On the very few occasions I've had to go to the store at night, half the produce shelves are empty. maybe for you it is great, doing these things as night, but having a day off from work to do that garbage while the kids are at school, having healthy meals prepped, and bike rides at night, sound like the perfect balance at night. Maybe you are just not into relaxing. ((shrug))

I'd rather go to the grocery store at night than watch TV. I sleep from 11 pm to 6:30 am so in your house I'd have 2.5 hours between the kids' bedtime and mine. Why not put that time to good productive use?

Because that sounds miserable and i'd never be able to work out if i went to bed that late. While yoi are sleeping in, Ive had 8hrs sleep and am exercising. I'd live the doctors life any day, yours, not so much. Sounds awfully harried.

[Anonymous]

A doctor calling a lawyer's life harried. That's funny.

[Anonymous]

This had a MAJOR impact on my marriage. I simply wasn't able to do two full time jobs and that's what I was doing. My husband simply wasn't motivated to do more than yard work and occasional dishes. (Again, see "The Two-Income Trap" by Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who as a law professor did a huge study on this topic as it relates to personal bankruptcy.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This had a MAJOR impact on my marriage. I simply wasn't able to do two full time jobs and that's what I was doing. My husband simply wasn't motivated to do more than yard work and occasional dishes. (Again, see "The Two-Income Trap" by Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who as a law professor did a huge study on this topic as it relates to personal bankruptcy.)

So what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This had a MAJOR impact on my marriage. I simply wasn't able to do two full time jobs and that's what I was doing. My husband simply wasn't motivated to do more than yard work and occasional dishes. (Again, see "The Two-Income Trap" by Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who as a law professor did a huge study on this topic as it relates to personal bankruptcy.)

Thanks for sharing - will def. check out. we're struggling a bit with getting it all done ourselves (both work FT, husband's job is more demanding and he makes a lot more) and I can't scale back to PT. Outsourcing for help and cutting corners (mmmm - another pasta and jarred sauce dinner!) Just helps to see it's not something we're doing wrong per se - the constant flux of priorities and juggling is a bit more universal.

[Anonymous]

I work part time and definitely do more of the housework. But, as the OP said, it's not hard to do laundry or load the dishwasher while little kids play on the floor with toys. Of course that's not what I do all day with the kids, but it is one of the reasons I work part time. When we both worked full time, evenings and weekends were just about getting stuff done. Now, a lot of that work has moved into the two days I have off and my DH and I both get more time with the kids on the weekends. I think my DH would be bothered if I was spending all day playing with the kids and he still had to miss out on time with them on the weekends doing chores and errands.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I went PT about 6 years ago (60%) after having my second child. It had become a big struggle because my job required some travel, and DH's job required a lot of after hours work and business trips. I would encourage you to go into this with your eyes wide open.

One of the issues we faced before I went PT was the sick kid days/dr appts - the nature of DH's job was often such that he couldn't take a day off on a whim. Before I went PT, he took a day off with a sick child when I had started a new job. The praise he received from coworkers was shocking to me; meanwhile my new boss kept reassuring me that it was completely ok for me to take off so early in the game. That's the only sick day DH has taken for the kids.

Now that I'm PT, I do ALL of the sick days, dr appts, camp paperwork, school paperwork, etc. Some of the latter is my fault because I don't ask him, or he's not home to ask, or it's just easier to fill out myself because I already know the dr phone number, the dentist's name, etc.

My kids are in school now and I have Fridays off completely. I use that day as "me" time and try to focus on doing things for myself. I do often do other things, but that's the general focus. We still have a housekeeper, lawn service, etc.

I just think this can be a slippery slope because you'll start to think, "oh yeah, I can swing by the drycleaner and pick up the drycleaning" or other random tasks, and then before you know it, you are doing all of it.

I've got a new PT job now, which I've learned is not PT - instead of 50%, I'm probably working 70%, which has significantly impacted my ability to do things at home. DH doesn't complain or anything, but I definitely feel pinched.

Good luck to you. There are a lot of sides to this equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

This sounds glorious. The perfect balance. I think we all could use a 3 day weekend and have that one day to prepare for the week, so that both people are not spending precious family time running errands. You still keep full time employment status, but can use that one day to do all of your doctors appointments, errands, and not have to go to the grocery store when everyone else is there. I too do a ton of meal prep and it SUCKS that it has to happen on Sundays when we really just want to hang with the kids.

Why wouldn't you grocery shop and meal prep at night after the kids are in bed? I wouldn't give up a Sunday with my kids to shop and meal prep. Also, other than grocery shopping, my family has no errands to do on a weekly basis. What kinds of errands are y'all doing regularly?

I'm not he poster you are responding to, but my kids are in bed at 8:30, no way would I head out to the grocery store at 8:30PM and then start cooking up a storm. I'm in bed myself at 930, an hour of TV and then off to sleep. On the very few occasions I've had to go to the store at night, half the produce shelves are empty. maybe for you it is great, doing these things as night, but having a day off from work to do that garbage while the kids are at school, having healthy meals prepped, and bike rides at night, sound like the perfect balance at night. Maybe you are just not into relaxing. ((shrug))

I'd rather go to the grocery store at night than watch TV. I sleep from 11 pm to 6:30 am so in your house I'd have 2.5 hours between the kids' bedtime and mine. Why not put that time to good productive use?

Because that sounds miserable and i'd never be able to work out if i went to bed that late. While yoi are sleeping in, Ive had 8hrs sleep and am exercising. I'd live the doctors life any day, yours, not so much. Sounds awfully harried.

Why so judgmental? You keep responding with how you can't or wouldn't want to have X or Y schedule. But, the point is that everyone's life looks different and the OP is simply trying to hear stories to help her think through her circumstances. I sometimes grocery shop at night, I always go to sleep at midnight, and get up at 5 am to exercise. I have been keeping this schedule since college because I don't need or want more sleep. But, I am also very able to recognize that other people need and want to organize their lives differently based on their circumstances. So, maybe just accept that people are different instead of nitpicking every other person's life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the opportunity to be off on Fridays but my husband told me if I did that it would mean he's canceling our once/month cleaning lady and I'd have to do those tasks. We could still definitely afford the cleaning lady once/month on a reduced schedule so I am interpreting that to mean that he will see all domestic tasks as my responsibility. Since I want to go part time due to health reasons, this would actually mean I'm taking on more work so I can see how it will end up. I don't think I'm going to reduce my schedule for this reason.

Your husband sounds pretty crummy if you can afford it and have health issues.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

This sounds glorious. The perfect balance. I think we all could use a 3 day weekend and have that one day to prepare for the week, so that both people are not spending precious family time running errands. You still keep full time employment status, but can use that one day to do all of your doctors appointments, errands, and not have to go to the grocery store when everyone else is there. I too do a ton of meal prep and it SUCKS that it has to happen on Sundays when we really just want to hang with the kids.

Why wouldn't you grocery shop and meal prep at night after the kids are in bed? I wouldn't give up a Sunday with my kids to shop and meal prep. Also, other than grocery shopping, my family has no errands to do on a weekly basis. What kinds of errands are y'all doing regularly?

I'm not he poster you are responding to, but my kids are in bed at 8:30, no way would I head out to the grocery store at 8:30PM and then start cooking up a storm. I'm in bed myself at 930, an hour of TV and then off to sleep. On the very few occasions I've had to go to the store at night, half the produce shelves are empty. maybe for you it is great, doing these things as night, but having a day off from work to do that garbage while the kids are at school, having healthy meals prepped, and bike rides at night, sound like the perfect balance at night. Maybe you are just not into relaxing. ((shrug))

I'd rather go to the grocery store at night than watch TV. I sleep from 11 pm to 6:30 am so in your house I'd have 2.5 hours between the kids' bedtime and mine. Why not put that time to good productive use?

Because that sounds miserable and i'd never be able to work out if i went to bed that late. While yoi are sleeping in, Ive had 8hrs sleep and am exercising. I'd live the doctors life any day, yours, not so much. Sounds awfully harried.

I work out when I get up, every other day. 7 or 7.5 hours is plenty of sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I went PT about 6 years ago (60%) after having my second child. It had become a big struggle because my job required some travel, and DH's job required a lot of after hours work and business trips. I would encourage you to go into this with your eyes wide open.

One of the issues we faced before I went PT was the sick kid days/dr appts - the nature of DH's job was often such that he couldn't take a day off on a whim. Before I went PT, he took a day off with a sick child when I had started a new job. The praise he received from coworkers was shocking to me; meanwhile my new boss kept reassuring me that it was completely ok for me to take off so early in the game. That's the only sick day DH has taken for the kids.

Now that I'm PT, I do ALL of the sick days, dr appts, camp paperwork, school paperwork, etc. Some of the latter is my fault because I don't ask him, or he's not home to ask, or it's just easier to fill out myself because I already know the dr phone number, the dentist's name, etc.

My kids are in school now and I have Fridays off completely. I use that day as "me" time and try to focus on doing things for myself. I do often do other things, but that's the general focus. We still have a housekeeper, lawn service, etc.

I just think this can be a slippery slope because you'll start to think, "oh yeah, I can swing by the drycleaner and pick up the drycleaning" or other random tasks, and then before you know it, you are doing all of it.

I've got a new PT job now, which I've learned is not PT - instead of 50%, I'm probably working 70%, which has significantly impacted my ability to do things at home. DH doesn't complain or anything, but I definitely feel pinched.

Good luck to you. There are a lot of sides to this equation.

When does your Dh get "me time'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I went PT about 6 years ago (60%) after having my second child. It had become a big struggle because my job required some travel, and DH's job required a lot of after hours work and business trips. I would encourage you to go into this with your eyes wide open.

One of the issues we faced before I went PT was the sick kid days/dr appts - the nature of DH's job was often such that he couldn't take a day off on a whim. Before I went PT, he took a day off with a sick child when I had started a new job. The praise he received from coworkers was shocking to me; meanwhile my new boss kept reassuring me that it was completely ok for me to take off so early in the game. That's the only sick day DH has taken for the kids.

Now that I'm PT, I do ALL of the sick days, dr appts, camp paperwork, school paperwork, etc. Some of the latter is my fault because I don't ask him, or he's not home to ask, or it's just easier to fill out myself because I already know the dr phone number, the dentist's name, etc.

My kids are in school now and I have Fridays off completely. I use that day as "me" time and try to focus on doing things for myself. I do often do other things, but that's the general focus. We still have a housekeeper, lawn service, etc.

I just think this can be a slippery slope because you'll start to think, "oh yeah, I can swing by the drycleaner and pick up the drycleaning" or other random tasks, and then before you know it, you are doing all of it.

I've got a new PT job now, which I've learned is not PT - instead of 50%, I'm probably working 70%, which has significantly impacted my ability to do things at home. DH doesn't complain or anything, but I definitely feel pinched.

Good luck to you. There are a lot of sides to this equation.

When does your Dh get "me time'?

why is this relevant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I went PT about 6 years ago (60%) after having my second child. It had become a big struggle because my job required some travel, and DH's job required a lot of after hours work and business trips. I would encourage you to go into this with your eyes wide open.

One of the issues we faced before I went PT was the sick kid days/dr appts - the nature of DH's job was often such that he couldn't take a day off on a whim. Before I went PT, he took a day off with a sick child when I had started a new job. The praise he received from coworkers was shocking to me; meanwhile my new boss kept reassuring me that it was completely ok for me to take off so early in the game. That's the only sick day DH has taken for the kids.

Now that I'm PT, I do ALL of the sick days, dr appts, camp paperwork, school paperwork, etc. Some of the latter is my fault because I don't ask him, or he's not home to ask, or it's just easier to fill out myself because I already know the dr phone number, the dentist's name, etc.

My kids are in school now and I have Fridays off completely. I use that day as "me" time and try to focus on doing things for myself. I do often do other things, but that's the general focus. We still have a housekeeper, lawn service, etc.

I just think this can be a slippery slope because you'll start to think, "oh yeah, I can swing by the drycleaner and pick up the drycleaning" or other random tasks, and then before you know it, you are doing all of it.

I've got a new PT job now, which I've learned is not PT - instead of 50%, I'm probably working 70%, which has significantly impacted my ability to do things at home. DH doesn't complain or anything, but I definitely feel pinched.

Good luck to you. There are a lot of sides to this equation.

When does your Dh get "me time'?

why is this relevant?

Maybe he'd like to go PT and get me time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

This sounds great.