impact of going part time at work on your marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the opportunity to be off on Fridays but my husband told me if I did that it would mean he's canceling our once/month cleaning lady and I'd have to do those tasks. We could still definitely afford the cleaning lady once/month on a reduced schedule so I am interpreting that to mean that he will see all domestic tasks as my responsibility. Since I want to go part time due to health reasons, this would actually mean I'm taking on more work so I can see how it will end up. I don't think I'm going to reduce my schedule for this reason.

Holy shit! That's awful. I think our (weekly) cleaning service costs a lot less than counseling, and makes us even happier than the dinners out we'd be able to afford if we weren't paying them.

Sounds like your husband doesn't want you to cut back at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped working and yes, I did end up taking on far more of the household stuff than we originally planned. It just got easier for me to do some stuff, like bill paying that he normally did but it wasn't something he expected. I prefer doing it during the day and we can have family time at night and on weekends.

Nights and weekends is a whole lot of family time! Are your kids too young to have their own activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

I'd rather have less free time and grocery store prepped meals and keep my career. Enjoy your freedom!

[Anonymous]

My job doesn't pay much, so it's kind of a wash whether I work or not financially. However, it's important to keep a foot in the door, so I'm not willing to quit altogether. It's seasonally busy, and my marriage is MUCH better when it's not. I work about 25% time most of the time, and about 60% time (some weekend hours) about 20 weeks/year.

We outsource a lot of the domestic work anyway, but I pick up a lot of slack usually, and can do all the kid stuff (school events, volunteering, shopping, etc.). My husband also has ADD, so I resent his forgetfulness a lot less when it isn't going to cause me a major scheduling problem, so we fight less, etc..

I could make a lot more money if I started back full time, but neither of us really wants that. I think we'd be divorced in a year. So, in my opinion, one more flexible/less intense schedule is very helpful to a marriage.

This only works if your spouse doesn't equate only $$$ with value to the household, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

This sounds glorious. The perfect balance. I think we all could use a 3 day weekend and have that one day to prepare for the week, so that both people are not spending precious family time running errands. You still keep full time employment status, but can use that one day to do all of your doctors appointments, errands, and not have to go to the grocery store when everyone else is there. I too do a ton of meal prep and it SUCKS that it has to happen on Sundays when we really just want to hang with the kids.

Why wouldn't you grocery shop and meal prep at night after the kids are in bed? I wouldn't give up a Sunday with my kids to shop and meal prep. Also, other than grocery shopping, my family has no errands to do on a weekly basis. What kinds of errands are y'all doing regularly?

[Anonymous]

Hire out what you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the opportunity to be off on Fridays but my husband told me if I did that it would mean he's canceling our once/month cleaning lady and I'd have to do those tasks. We could still definitely afford the cleaning lady once/month on a reduced schedule so I am interpreting that to mean that he will see all domestic tasks as my responsibility. Since I want to go part time due to health reasons, this would actually mean I'm taking on more work so I can see how it will end up. I don't think I'm going to reduce my schedule for this reason.

Holy shit! That's awful. I think our (weekly) cleaning service costs a lot less than counseling, and makes us even happier than the dinners out we'd be able to afford if we weren't paying them.

Sounds like your husband doesn't want you to cut back at work.

He doesn't want me to cut back and thinks that I'm "entitled" for bringing it up for discussion. He thinks I'm too young to not work full time. Before I got pregnant (I was on the fence about wanting to have a baby at all but he pushed for it) I told him that when it was time for our kid to go to K I wanted to work 4 days/week in order to have the opportunity to volunteer in his classroom/school and he agreed. Our kid started K 3 weeks ago and now I'm "entitled".

I'm the teacher with IBD who posted in the jobs forum a few weeks ago. I'm home today because I'm in the middle of a bad flare and waiting for the steroids to kick in.

[Anonymous]

I am on an 80% schedule and my DH travels a bunch and it works well for us. I definitely take on more "domestic" stuff, but as others said, it meshes well with quality time with DS (who is 5). I do not have any more appreciable "me" time than if I worked full time -- because the 20% extra time I have gets eaten up by (1) a bit more domestic stuff; (2) watching/playing with DS; (3) everyone being home for dinner an hour earlier than our friends with longer schedules. We still have a weekly housecleaner, yard care, etc. So my 20% off basically means I get to pick up DS from Kindergarten and hang out at home. So I use that time to maybe throw on laundry, play with him, clean up the kitchen from breakfast, take out the trash, occasional doctor appointment or grocery trip, etc. The most important thing for me is that I feel like the 80% schedule totally works for my job -- they neither ask me to put in a 100% schedule, nor has their been any career mommy tracking. The extra money wasn't worth it in our household because we both make mid six figures. So an additional 20% of my salary was only 10% of our household income which after tax was totally not important to us.

The other most important thing is that our son had some pretty serious sensory issues from the get go (ultimately leading to an adhd diagnosis) and clearly didn't thrive in being in a 8am-6pm preschool setting. The day was too long for him. Now that he's in K and out by 3:15, the benefits are even more obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

I'd rather have less free time and grocery store prepped meals and keep my career. Enjoy your freedom!

I'm a orthodontist. Doesn't get much more career than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

I'd rather have less free time and grocery store prepped meals and keep my career. Enjoy your freedom!

I'm a orthodontist. Doesn't get much more career than that.

I couldn't keep my career and work only 80%. You're lucky that you can do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

This sounds glorious. The perfect balance. I think we all could use a 3 day weekend and have that one day to prepare for the week, so that both people are not spending precious family time running errands. You still keep full time employment status, but can use that one day to do all of your doctors appointments, errands, and not have to go to the grocery store when everyone else is there. I too do a ton of meal prep and it SUCKS that it has to happen on Sundays when we really just want to hang with the kids.

Why wouldn't you grocery shop and meal prep at night after the kids are in bed? I wouldn't give up a Sunday with my kids to shop and meal prep. Also, other than grocery shopping, my family has no errands to do on a weekly basis. What kinds of errands are y'all doing regularly?

I'm not he poster you are responding to, but my kids are in bed at 8:30, no way would I head out to the grocery store at 8:30PM and then start cooking up a storm. I'm in bed myself at 930, an hour of TV and then off to sleep. On the very few occasions I've had to go to the store at night, half the produce shelves are empty. maybe for you it is great, doing these things as night, but having a day off from work to do that garbage while the kids are at school, having healthy meals prepped, and bike rides at night, sound like the perfect balance at night. Maybe you are just not into relaxing. ((shrug))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

I'd rather have less free time and grocery store prepped meals and keep my career. Enjoy your freedom!

I'm a orthodontist. Doesn't get much more career than that.

I couldn't keep my career and work only 80%. You're lucky that you can do that.

I'm not an doctor, but I do work in a sales organization and work an 4 day a week schedule. Hasn't been a problem to keep my career. Not everyone has the same path in life or the same opportunities. I think many of you jumping on this poster for the "audacity" for finding a balance between home and career are just sour grapes.

[Anonymous]

I've worked between 75% and 85% for the past 10 years. I use the time to shorten my day, not to shorten the week. With that time I meet my son off the bus, walk home together, and get dinner and homework started. By the time that is all in the works DH is done with work and our evening together starts. So I do more domestic stuff, yes - I handle bus pickup and dinner. But those things are things I enjoy and are lovely times with my kid, so I don't mind taking them on. I don't clean toilets more often because I work fewer hours at the office, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the opportunity to be off on Fridays but my husband told me if I did that it would mean he's canceling our once/month cleaning lady and I'd have to do those tasks. We could still definitely afford the cleaning lady once/month on a reduced schedule so I am interpreting that to mean that he will see all domestic tasks as my responsibility. Since I want to go part time due to health reasons, this would actually mean I'm taking on more work so I can see how it will end up. I don't think I'm going to reduce my schedule for this reason.

Holy shit! That's awful. I think our (weekly) cleaning service costs a lot less than counseling, and makes us even happier than the dinners out we'd be able to afford if we weren't paying them.

Sounds like your husband doesn't want you to cut back at work.

He doesn't want me to cut back and thinks that I'm "entitled" for bringing it up for discussion. He thinks I'm too young to not work full time. Before I got pregnant (I was on the fence about wanting to have a baby at all but he pushed for it) I told him that when it was time for our kid to go to K I wanted to work 4 days/week in order to have the opportunity to volunteer in his classroom/school and he agreed. Our kid started K 3 weeks ago and now I'm "entitled".

I'm the teacher with IBD who posted in the jobs forum a few weeks ago. I'm home today because I'm in the middle of a bad flare and waiting for the steroids to kick in.

Do you guys have money problems?

I think you could use some counseling. Sounds like your husband has an "ideal household" in his head, and somehow you aren't measuring up. He sounds angry at you. Is it your IBD? Does he think you're making it up? Or does he find it too disruptive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school full time. I work 4 days a week and explicitly take Monday’s off (today) to do the exact chores you do not want to do. This is because it benefits ALL of us. By me doing all that I will do today, makes it so that the entire family can enjoy each other this week. I’ve already done all of the grocery shopping, all of the laundry (or at least what was left over from the weekend), I’m headed to Costco shortly, I’m working on meal prep for the entire week so dinners will take no more than 10min to assemble, and the house will be pretty much organized from top to bottom.

Frankly I do not see my abbreviated schedule as an opportunity for leisure, while my DH has to be at the office. I see it as an opportunity for our entire family to benefit from me powering through 8 hours of domestic work, so that all of us can have healthy meals, an organized home, and parents who get off work the rest of the week and can focus on family time, not running around stressed out.

So you gave up 20% of your paid work in exchange for 100% of the housework? This is why I stay 100% at my paid job, I'd rather work than spend one day a week making the rest of the family have a smoother life.

A smoother life for my family means a smoother life for me, plus healthy home cooked meals are a very high priprity for me. I don't resent doing things to create more family time and easy weeknights. Almost every night since school has been in, we have all managed a bike ride together. Would never be able to do that and eat a home cooked meal if it were not for my 80% schedule. Plus, this is such a great day. Right now Im grilling chicken breast for the week, listening to the breeze, and getting some sun. Wayyy better than being at the office right now.

This sounds glorious. The perfect balance. I think we all could use a 3 day weekend and have that one day to prepare for the week, so that both people are not spending precious family time running errands. You still keep full time employment status, but can use that one day to do all of your doctors appointments, errands, and not have to go to the grocery store when everyone else is there. I too do a ton of meal prep and it SUCKS that it has to happen on Sundays when we really just want to hang with the kids.

Why wouldn't you grocery shop and meal prep at night after the kids are in bed? I wouldn't give up a Sunday with my kids to shop and meal prep. Also, other than grocery shopping, my family has no errands to do on a weekly basis. What kinds of errands are y'all doing regularly?

I'm not he poster you are responding to, but my kids are in bed at 8:30, no way would I head out to the grocery store at 8:30PM and then start cooking up a storm. I'm in bed myself at 930, an hour of TV and then off to sleep. On the very few occasions I've had to go to the store at night, half the produce shelves are empty. maybe for you it is great, doing these things as night, but having a day off from work to do that garbage while the kids are at school, having healthy meals prepped, and bike rides at night, sound like the perfect balance at night. Maybe you are just not into relaxing. ((shrug))

I'd rather go to the grocery store at night than watch TV. I sleep from 11 pm to 6:30 am so in your house I'd have 2.5 hours between the kids' bedtime and mine. Why not put that time to good productive use?