Found out wife was having an affair
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Anonymous
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Gather evidence and consult attorney and decide what you can live with before any confrontation.
Gathering evidence means, gathering evidence of affair - all phone records, credit card receipts, geolocator info, calendar/schedule info, bank records, etc. plus all info about assets, debts, retirement accounts and what each of you brought financially to relationship. Often the cheating spouse tries to deny affair and gaslight you, so it's important to have as much evidence of what's really going on as possible. Then pay 1-2 hours of attorney time to get a thumbnail sketch of likely possible custody and financial settlement configurations. The lawyer will tell you that legally infidelity has no impact on divorce settlement/custody. That is true, but having se evidence of affair can provide you with some moral/emotional leverage in negotiating terms of divorce. FWIW, my ex cheated on me during my second pregnancy. I bent over backwards to do counseling and "try to make the relationship work.". For several years after the divorce I felt it was a good thing because I could say to myself, "I did everything reasonable to keep my family intact for our kids." BUT, five and more years out, I can see how it was such wasted effort that could have been channeled into creating a stable life for me and my kids. And, it actually would have been less painful for my kids if I had ended the relationship earlier, at a time when they never would have had any memories of us living together. If i were in your shoes, I would just end the relationship. Affairs are major indicators that the affair perpetrator is not emotionally healthy enough to be in a stable, intimate relationship. The odds of the affair perpetrator being healthy enough to do the real work on themselves to become healthy and stable - well those odds are very slim. And, as PP said, DNA test is a must. So sorry, OP, it is heartbreaking, but you can move on and if the child is yours, a life of 50/50 custody as a single parent can still provide a lot of joy for parents and kids. |
Anonymous
| Confront her ASAP and demand a paternity test. But he damn sure your proof is solid because once you cross over that line you can't go back. |
Anonymous
| I don't even know if it matters to me if the kid is mine. Even if it is mine, I don't think I can ever look at her the same. |
Anonymous
I am literally just heart broken and shaking right now 
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Anonymous
Don't assume your marriage is over. Sure, it can be. But many marriages have weathered adultry. I'm not arguing that you should, but assuming the baby she is carrying is yours, I'd hate for you to deprive yourself of an intact family (and your child of that too) before really working it through. Hugs. |
Anonymous
Right, but she will be in your life forever because of the child. So you're going to have to deal with her in your life one way or another. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. Talk to her, you may split you may work it out. If the baby is yours, you are with her for life. |
Anonymous
| Alright so lets assume I talk to her, how do I bring this up? So uhh yeah I am pretty sure you have been having an affair, and here is my proof? |
Anonymous
| Tell her to shut her cock holster and listen for a minute. This is how it's gonna be. You are moving out tonight. I will continue to support you in any way that I can as far as the baby is concerned. We are getting a paternity test as soon as it can be done. Our marriage is over but I understand that we have to figure out how to coparent together. I need some time to figure that out. Until then, you need to leave. Then don't say another word no matter what she says |
Anonymous
| Take a picture of evidence that is on the tablet. TXT it to her and let her respond. |
Anonymous
| Obviously her needs we're not being met. Take some time to self analyze why you couldn't meet her needs |
Anonymous
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Sorry you're going through this OP. I agree with the pp about it being a sign of major issues that a bit of counseling won't fix. My therapist told me true transformation takes a lot of work (like years) and is very rare.
Were there issues in the past you ignored? There were so many red flags I looked past in my marriage. Once I really acknowledged those it was easier to see reality and start moving on. |
Anonymous
Go away. |
Anonymous
Text it to her and don't say anything. Be completely silent no matter what she responds with. It will eventually all come spilling out |
Anonymous
Don't do this- gives her time to get a story together |