Reply to Found out wife was having an affair

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[quote=Anonymous]Gather evidence and consult attorney and decide what you can live with before any confrontation.

Gathering evidence means, gathering evidence of affair - all phone records, credit card receipts, geolocator info, calendar/schedule info, bank records, etc.  plus all info about assets, debts, retirement accounts and what each of you brought financially to relationship.

Often the cheating spouse tries to deny affair and gaslight you, so it's important to have as much evidence of what's really going on as possible.

Then pay 1-2 hours of attorney time to get a thumbnail sketch of likely possible custody and financial settlement configurations.  The lawyer will tell you that legally infidelity has no impact on divorce settlement/custody.  That is true, but having se evidence of affair can provide you with some moral/emotional leverage in negotiating terms of divorce.

FWIW, my ex cheated on me during my second pregnancy.  I bent over backwards to do counseling and "try to make the relationship work.". For several years after the divorce I felt it was a good thing because I could say to myself, "I did everything reasonable to keep my family intact for our kids."

BUT, five and more years out, I can see how it was such wasted effort that could have been channeled into creating a stable life for me and my kids.  And, it actually would have been less painful for my kids if I had ended the relationship earlier, at a time when they never would have had any memories of us living together.

If i were in your shoes, I would just end the relationship.  Affairs are major indicators that the affair perpetrator is not emotionally healthy enough to be in a stable, intimate relationship.  The odds of the affair perpetrator being healthy enough to do the real work on themselves to become healthy and stable - well those odds are very slim.

And, as PP said, DNA test is a must.

So sorry, OP, it is heartbreaking, but you can move on and if the child is yours, a life of 50/50 custody as a single parent can still provide a lot of joy for parents and kids.[/quote]

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