What to do about DD who won't get up for school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she misses the bus, then you deduct your 'taxi fee' from her allowance. Figure out how much it costs to take an uber and then charge her that. We also let her sleep in til noon or 2 PM twice and miss school, let her get an unexcused absence. Both are logical consequences. The money got to her. Took a couple of weeks of getting no allowance because it was all taxi fees.

What? She doesn't get to take a taxi to school. She just gets the next bus that comes by. And her allowance is $2 a week - it would take her like 2 -3 months to cover the cost of a taxi.

$2 a week for an 8th grader? What's even the point of that?

It's what I can afford.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her to try to come up with a plan for what is not working and what you can do to help her. For example, my older child with inattentive adhd gets very easily pulled off task by drifting into a book when she is alone in her room, the bathroom, etc. She even drifts off in thought while she eats breakfast (I will walk in and literally see her frozen in mid-chew staring out the window). So we talked and she asked for frequent reminders of the time - I now give her reminders every 5 min. Is this ideal for me? No. But I can't have her miss the bus or else I will be late to work.

If your dd is not cooperative in trying to come up with a solution, then I agree with taking away her phone and replacing it with a pay as you go flip phone until she earns back her regular phone. As a pp said, you have to think of what "currency" is important to your dd and tie her being responsible and timely in the mornings to earning the right to that privilege.

Last resort, get her school counselor involved - if she is frequently late then the school should care!

I don't understand how she has an A in first period if she is always missing it, btw.

[Anonymous]

My tween won't go to bed early either. She needs way more than the 8-9 hours she's getting. So I started going to bed with her at 8pm. We both get into my bed. We talk for a few minutes and then I turn out the lights. Sadly, we both fall right to sleep.

After a week she admitted that she liked the early bedtime. And well, me, I can't complain either. DH isn't too fond of the plan but hopefully it's just until I can change her habits.

[Anonymous]

I get sick and tired of people blaming their child's inattentive adhd or add on things like getting up for school. What did our parents do or their parents' parents? add and adhd have been around for a long time, it just now has a 'name'.

To the OP, you have probably babied your child for way too long, so this is going to be hard to get her to be more responsible for herself. Getting up on time and getting to school on time is her job. Let her be late to school a few times and let her grades suffer. Better she learn this in 8th grade than 10th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her to try to come up with a plan for what is not working and what you can do to help her. For example, my older child with inattentive adhd gets very easily pulled off task by drifting into a book when she is alone in her room, the bathroom, etc. She even drifts off in thought while she eats breakfast (I will walk in and literally see her frozen in mid-chew staring out the window). So we talked and she asked for frequent reminders of the time - I now give her reminders every 5 min. Is this ideal for me? No. But I can't have her miss the bus or else I will be late to work.

If your dd is not cooperative in trying to come up with a solution, then I agree with taking away her phone and replacing it with a pay as you go flip phone until she earns back her regular phone. As a pp said, you have to think of what "currency" is important to your dd and tie her being responsible and timely in the mornings to earning the right to that privilege.

Last resort, get her school counselor involved - if she is frequently late then the school should care!

I don't understand how she has an A in first period if she is always missing it, btw.

NP here. OP, this is a good plan in this post above.

How do you think she will react if you involve her in the way this PP suggests? (Talking to her and asking HER to help come up with a plan to end this.) At her age, many kids like being consulted for ideas and asked to participate in solving things (at least, my own DD was and is like that and so are a lot of her friends we know). Try scheduling a time this weekend when things are calm and she is NOT in trouble for this, and say you need to talk to her like an adult to help you with a problem that has to be solved. Maybe give her a run-down of exactly the domino effect it has not just on her but on you and others in the household (if applicable) when she does this routine. Maybe she'd respond to being told, "I'm not mad right now, but yes, I do get angry and upset with the behavior and here's why. Let me walk you through the effect it has...(and include the effect it has if it's making her teachers view her as flighty or unreliable, too)."

If that doesnt' work: Like this PP, I also had thought about involving the school, but not as a last resort; I might get a teacher or counselor involved sooner. Your DD clearly no longer hears you at all when you press her to get up and get ready; she might be at the point where she needs to hear this from a third party outside home, someone with authority that she recognizes. If she has a teacher whom she respects, you might be able to ask that teacher to speak with her. I admit I'm not sure how to ask that of the teacher without your DD -- once the teacher or counselor starts to say, "I understand you don't get up...." -- feeling so embarrassed that you "told on her" that she shuts down. But sometimes people need to hear that others besides family see a problem in their behavior. It might rattle her enough to change. Is her first period teacher one she would listen to -- the teacher whose classes she has missed at times?

As for getting her to go to bed at 9:30 or whatever, you've already found, that won't work. Don't blame her if she can't sleep that early; teenage biology actually means that during teen years kids are really not able to force themselves to sleep earlier than their bodies want (this research was extensively used by FCPS when it went to a later start to the HS school day). But do be sure she has zero electronics in her room after a certain time each night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you for once considered that there could be some lingering medical issue that you are ignoring? Your approach of throwing her backpack into the hallway was terrible. You're an adult, so act like one. Stop doing childish things. There's a good chance she's either not getting enough sleep, is depressed, or has some other type of issue. Before you come down on her in an unnecessarily harsh manner, take her to the doctor and rule out medical issues. Just whatever you do, stop acting petulant yourself.

She just went to the doctor early this month and is fine. She slept 8 solid hours last night and the night before. She is afflicted with acting like a brat. That's her only medical issue. At one point while I was telling her to get to school, she was LAUGHING. She was faux frantically looking around for her deodorant even though it was right on her bed, and then when she couldn't ignore me anymore made a big production of pulling her bedding apart "trying" to find it. She's full of crap.

You're either a troll or the most terrible mother in existence. She's full of crap? She is afflicted with acting like a brat? WTF kind of mother puts her child down like this? Not a good one, that's for damn sure. No wonder your daughter acts the way she does. Look at the obnoxious example she has in front of her. How about you work on being a better mother first, before worrying about your child. Hopefully she has sense enough to see what a terrible person you are and doesn't follow in your footsteps.

[Anonymous]

Ice water dribbled on her face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get sick and tired of people blaming their child's inattentive adhd or add on things like getting up for school. What did our parents do or their parents' parents? add and adhd have been around for a long time, it just now has a 'name'.

To the OP, you have probably babied your child for way too long, so this is going to be hard to get her to be more responsible for herself. Getting up on time and getting to school on time is her job. Let her be late to school a few times and let her grades suffer. Better she learn this in 8th grade than 10th.

You're ignorance is astounding. Although I don't have ADHD, I come from a family rife with it - and my DH has it as well as 2 of my kids. I also grew up on a farm. I can tell you what our parents and grandparents did.
-We always went to bed at the same time.
-We got up at the same time every single days (cows have to be fed/milked)
-We had no screen time in the evening - no personal devices and only got 4 channels through the antennae
-We got a lot of 'heavy work' during the day - meaning we engaged in muscle building activities at least 2x/day and our activities were 'robust' (ever lift a bale of hay or a 10 gallon bucket of feed?)
-We got a lot of aerobic activity during the day. Our driveway alone was a quarter mile long. The furthest barn was also a quarter mile from the house. On weekends, if we wanted to anywhere, we had to walk or ride a bike. The nearest neighbor was 1/2 mile away.
-Our lives were governed by routine because a lot of things had to be done every day, at the same time every day.

THAT is what our parents and grandparents did. It's what I try do with my kids in a very different environment. The agricultural 'lifestyle' is much better suited for someone with ADHD than the suburban/urban lifestyle we have now.

[Anonymous]

Some of the answers on here make me wonder if your schools do not have truancy officers available. At the school my daughter attends, the truancy officer would have already called me. My daughters have never even been tardy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get sick and tired of people blaming their child's inattentive adhd or add on things like getting up for school. What did our parents do or their parents' parents? add and adhd have been around for a long time, it just now has a 'name'.

To the OP, you have probably babied your child for way too long, so this is going to be hard to get her to be more responsible for herself. Getting up on time and getting to school on time is her job. Let her be late to school a few times and let her grades suffer. Better she learn this in 8th grade than 10th.

Because ADHD is real, and it ruins lives and relationships. Back in the day, people with severe ADHD were "retarded" and bullied and teased and many ended up homeless and destitute, or at the mercy of their relatives. Which is something that is still going on now, since studies have shown people with ADHD tend to have more risk of substance abuse and issues with poverty and crime.

You should be ashamed of yourself, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might be pregnant.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get sick and tired of people blaming their child's inattentive adhd or add on things like getting up for school. What did our parents do or their parents' parents? add and adhd have been around for a long time, it just now has a 'name'.

To the OP, you have probably babied your child for way too long, so this is going to be hard to get her to be more responsible for herself. Getting up on time and getting to school on time is her job. Let her be late to school a few times and let her grades suffer. Better she learn this in 8th grade than 10th.

You're ignorance is astounding. Although I don't have ADHD, I come from a family rife with it - and my DH has it as well as 2 of my kids. I also grew up on a farm. I can tell you what our parents and grandparents did.
-We always went to bed at the same time.
-We got up at the same time every single days (cows have to be fed/milked)
-We had no screen time in the evening - no personal devices and only got 4 channels through the antennae
-We got a lot of 'heavy work' during the day - meaning we engaged in muscle building activities at least 2x/day and our activities were 'robust' (ever lift a bale of hay or a 10 gallon bucket of feed?)
-We got a lot of aerobic activity during the day. Our driveway alone was a quarter mile long. The furthest barn was also a quarter mile from the house. On weekends, if we wanted to anywhere, we had to walk or ride a bike. The nearest neighbor was 1/2 mile away.
-Our lives were governed by routine because a lot of things had to be done every day, at the same time every day.

THAT is what our parents and grandparents did. It's what I try do with my kids in a very different environment. The agricultural 'lifestyle' is much better suited for someone with ADHD than the suburban/urban lifestyle we have now.

this makes too much sense - you are giving DCUM a bad name!

[Anonymous]

I almost flunked out of two colleges due to my sleep requirements - I was a zombie on fewer than 11 hours. This was nearly two decades ago. I hope and pray that medical science in this area has advanced since then. I got through high school only because 1. Small town, known family, known as a good smart kid and 2. Picked up the material easily and quickly. Things went to hell when I went away to college and could.not.wake up for class. The shame of being called lazy and flaky ruined my personal life for a while as well ( I attracted toxic, needy friends and partners because of my failure).

Please seek specialists and diagnoses but do not let your child make escuses. I could have (and did) sleep 14-16 hours a day. Best explanation from small town psydoc was lingering effects of Epstein-Barr from the mono i contracted in 10th grade. I could have used a combo of tougher love and more aggressive medical second/third/fourth opinions.

I turned a corner later in college after some semesters of good grades and supportive friends. I'm now 34 and live a normal life with a god job. All the love and empathy to you. I STILL occasionally wake for work feeling borderline suicidal. I think I've got sleep issues no one has quite figured out yet. Your daughter isn't alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turn off the wifi and make her turn her phone in at night. Get her a flip phone that only makes calls until she shapes up.

AND...we have a winner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you for once considered that there could be some lingering medical issue that you are ignoring? Your approach of throwing her backpack into the hallway was terrible. You're an adult, so act like one. Stop doing childish things. There's a good chance she's either not getting enough sleep, is depressed, or has some other type of issue. Before you come down on her in an unnecessarily harsh manner, take her to the doctor and rule out medical issues. Just whatever you do, stop acting petulant yourself.

She just went to the doctor early this month and is fine. She slept 8 solid hours last night and the night before. She is afflicted with acting like a brat. That's her only medical issue. At one point while I was telling her to get to school, she was LAUGHING. She was faux frantically looking around for her deodorant even though it was right on her bed, and then when she couldn't ignore me anymore made a big production of pulling her bedding apart "trying" to find it. She's full of crap.

You're either a troll or the most terrible mother in existence. She's full of crap? She is afflicted with acting like a brat? WTF kind of mother puts her child down like this? Not a good one, that's for damn sure. No wonder your daughter acts the way she does. Look at the obnoxious example she has in front of her. How about you work on being a better mother first, before worrying about your child. Hopefully she has sense enough to see what a terrible person you are and doesn't follow in your footsteps.

You obviously have preschoolers or young elementary kids and NOT middle schoolers or teenagers.