What to do about DD who won't get up for school?

[Anonymous]

Op, I would do this:

1- you must get the school counselor involved. there should be repercussions at school if she arrives late - let the school enforce them!
2 - come up with clear responsibilities at home - if she does not do hers, there is a concrete loss of a privilege (eg, phone, sleepover, whatever - but dont sweep all privileges at once)
3 - make another category of responsibilities called "good attitude" - this one is obv subjective but if in your opinion she has met this one, she earns something like an outing to the movies or more screen time or whatever

[Anonymous]

Rip the covers off of her. Flick the light switch repeatedly. Spray her lightly with water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rip the covers off of her. Flick the light switch repeatedly. Spray her lightly with water.

We're way past this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what time she's going to sleep at night? I'd make sure she is going to bed at a reasonable hour & make her give you her phone (& any other electronics she has) before she goes to bed to make sure she's actually sleeping (or attempting to, at least).

OP-- I would start by taking away all electronics at night. It is obvious that she is not getting enough sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once again DD tried to not go to school. She left ten minutes after school starts for the day. She didn't fall asleep until 2 or 3am (she has had no phone since Tuesday). She got up claiming she threw up in the middle of the night but I would have heard it plus she would have woken me up to tell me. Also, this weekend she was supposed to clean up her room. She didn't. Yesterday when I got home at 5:30 I told her to clean it up and throw out all the garbage. She didn't.

Here are the punishments she'll get when she gets home today:

1. Her Melanie Martinez shrine in her bedroom will be boxed up and taken away.
2. She will not be allowed to go on the sleepover her friends planned as a birthday celebration (her birthday was yesterday) for this Saturday night
3. She will have to wear the "shirt of shame" - a shirt I buy that she hates - I warned her the key word would be "blouse" - this is a kid who only wears black and white and grey tshirts so this will be horrible.

I want her to just GO. Every single day. Without a fight. She is NOT being bullied. She HAS lovely friends. Her teachers all like her. She gets good grades with minimal effort. The administration likes her. I am at a loss.

How does administration like her if she is late everyday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know what time she's going to sleep at night? I'd make sure she is going to bed at a reasonable hour & make her give you her phone (& any other electronics she has) before she goes to bed to make sure she's actually sleeping (or attempting to, at least).

OP-- I would start by taking away all electronics at night. It is obvious that she is not getting enough sleep.

Her phone completely broke Tuesday so she doesn't have a phone at all right now. She doesn't have a tv in her bedroom, and doesn't have her own laptop. Obviously a girl going to sleep at 2 or 3am isn't getting enough sleep, but even on the nights she DOES get a solid 8 hours she STILL doesn't get off to school timely or easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again DD tried to not go to school. She left ten minutes after school starts for the day. She didn't fall asleep until 2 or 3am (she has had no phone since Tuesday). She got up claiming she threw up in the middle of the night but I would have heard it plus she would have woken me up to tell me. Also, this weekend she was supposed to clean up her room. She didn't. Yesterday when I got home at 5:30 I told her to clean it up and throw out all the garbage. She didn't.

Here are the punishments she'll get when she gets home today:

1. Her Melanie Martinez shrine in her bedroom will be boxed up and taken away.
2. She will not be allowed to go on the sleepover her friends planned as a birthday celebration (her birthday was yesterday) for this Saturday night
3. She will have to wear the "shirt of shame" - a shirt I buy that she hates - I warned her the key word would be "blouse" - this is a kid who only wears black and white and grey tshirts so this will be horrible.

I want her to just GO. Every single day. Without a fight. She is NOT being bullied. She HAS lovely friends. Her teachers all like her. She gets good grades with minimal effort. The administration likes her. I am at a loss.

How does administration like her if she is late everyday?

No clue, but they do.

[Anonymous]

I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

This is the shirt I picked up today: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=96911&vid=1&pid=425333002
She hates it. And I made her pay for it. And I told her if she doesn't get to school on time, without a fuss, I'm going to get her leggings even more hideous than the leggings of two girls we know who each wear hideous leggings. And I told her she can't go to the big birthday sleepover this Saturday, which made her teary. Later I needed to head out and went in to ask DD if she wanted a hug or she was still too angry at me and she wanted a hug before I left. So I'lll take that to mean she understands she's in the wrong and thinks this is all reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

This is the shirt I picked up today: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=96911&vid=1&pid=425333002
She hates it. And I made her pay for it. And I told her if she doesn't get to school on time, without a fuss, I'm going to get her leggings even more hideous than the leggings of two girls we know who each wear hideous leggings. And I told her she can't go to the big birthday sleepover this Saturday, which made her teary. Later I needed to head out and went in to ask DD if she wanted a hug or she was still too angry at me and she wanted a hug before I left. So I'lll take that to mean she understands she's in the wrong and thinks this is all reasonable.

How did you "make" her pay for a shirt she didn't want, but you are unable to "make" her get to school on time? I think the idea of shaming your child with clothes you think are "hideous" is cruel and immature - plus what a waste of money to buy something she won't wear again. You need to start taking some of the good ideas you've gotten on this thread (like talk to her counselor!) and stop with the scarlet letter punishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

This is the shirt I picked up today: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=96911&vid=1&pid=425333002
She hates it. And I made her pay for it. And I told her if she doesn't get to school on time, without a fuss, I'm going to get her leggings even more hideous than the leggings of two girls we know who each wear hideous leggings. And I told her she can't go to the big birthday sleepover this Saturday, which made her teary. Later I needed to head out and went in to ask DD if she wanted a hug or she was still too angry at me and she wanted a hug before I left. So I'lll take that to mean she understands she's in the wrong and thinks this is all reasonable.

How did you "make" her pay for a shirt she didn't want, but you are unable to "make" her get to school on time? I think the idea of shaming your child with clothes you think are "hideous" is cruel and immature - plus what a waste of money to buy something she won't wear again. You need to start taking some of the good ideas you've gotten on this thread (like talk to her counselor!) and stop with the scarlet letter punishments.

Agree. You are both playing games with each other.

Set rules and the consequences if she doesn't abide them. No shaming, no yelling, no negotiations.

The first thing is to set a meeting with the school principal or guidance counselor TODAY. The fact that you are purchasing a shirt instead of working with the school to remedy the situation, worries me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

This is the shirt I picked up today: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=96911&vid=1&pid=425333002
She hates it. And I made her pay for it. And I told her if she doesn't get to school on time, without a fuss, I'm going to get her leggings even more hideous than the leggings of two girls we know who each wear hideous leggings. And I told her she can't go to the big birthday sleepover this Saturday, which made her teary. Later I needed to head out and went in to ask DD if she wanted a hug or she was still too angry at me and she wanted a hug before I left. So I'lll take that to mean she understands she's in the wrong and thinks this is all reasonable.

How did you "make" her pay for a shirt she didn't want, but you are unable to "make" her get to school on time? I think the idea of shaming your child with clothes you think are "hideous" is cruel and immature - plus what a waste of money to buy something she won't wear again. You need to start taking some of the good ideas you've gotten on this thread (like talk to her counselor!) and stop with the scarlet letter punishments.

I just said "go get me $4.87." And she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

This is the shirt I picked up today: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=96911&vid=1&pid=425333002
She hates it. And I made her pay for it. And I told her if she doesn't get to school on time, without a fuss, I'm going to get her leggings even more hideous than the leggings of two girls we know who each wear hideous leggings. And I told her she can't go to the big birthday sleepover this Saturday, which made her teary. Later I needed to head out and went in to ask DD if she wanted a hug or she was still too angry at me and she wanted a hug before I left. So I'lll take that to mean she understands she's in the wrong and thinks this is all reasonable.

How did you "make" her pay for a shirt she didn't want, but you are unable to "make" her get to school on time? I think the idea of shaming your child with clothes you think are "hideous" is cruel and immature - plus what a waste of money to buy something she won't wear again. You need to start taking some of the good ideas you've gotten on this thread (like talk to her counselor!) and stop with the scarlet letter punishments.

I just said "go get me $4.87." And she did.

You are a flipping troll. No way would a child who literally refuses your demand to go to school (which is enforced through many methods besides just parental influence) then say "okay" to a demand for $5. Done with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the shirt of shame is a very original punishment for a younger teen. Good idea!

This may have already been asked, but have you had the school counselor chat with her? Maybe they could pick up on something else that is wrong.

This is the shirt I picked up today: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=96911&vid=1&pid=425333002
She hates it. And I made her pay for it. And I told her if she doesn't get to school on time, without a fuss, I'm going to get her leggings even more hideous than the leggings of two girls we know who each wear hideous leggings. And I told her she can't go to the big birthday sleepover this Saturday, which made her teary. Later I needed to head out and went in to ask DD if she wanted a hug or she was still too angry at me and she wanted a hug before I left. So I'lll take that to mean she understands she's in the wrong and thinks this is all reasonable.

How did you "make" her pay for a shirt she didn't want, but you are unable to "make" her get to school on time? I think the idea of shaming your child with clothes you think are "hideous" is cruel and immature - plus what a waste of money to buy something she won't wear again. You need to start taking some of the good ideas you've gotten on this thread (like talk to her counselor!) and stop with the scarlet letter punishments.

I just said "go get me $4.87." And she did.

You are a flipping troll. No way would a child who literally refuses your demand to go to school (which is enforced through many methods besides just parental influence) then say "okay" to a demand for $5. Done with this nonsense.

Maybe now you see why it's such a conundrum - she's SUCH a great kid. Except for this one thing. She's a good girl, well liked by neighborhood adults, shop keepers, all her teachers the last four years, friends' parents, gets A's, volunteers to give extra help in the classroom, has a very sweet group of friends, etc. She's considerate as hell - she made me slime for my desk at work, got me a Hanukah present that was both fun and useful. It's just this ONE thing. I can deal with the problem of her not cleaning her bedroom. I can deal with when she has PMS and gets a little attitude. This is the one thing stumping me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I believe kids want to do well, if they can.

You have convinced me that she has a problem.

If she has no electronics, no laptop, her phone broke, and she STILL isn't falling asleep until 2 in the morning, she may have a sleep disorder or insomnia or something making it hard for her to fall asleep and stay asleep and get up and get moving in the morning.

I don't know what the solution is, but if it is beyond her control, you can't keep shaming her, although I understand the impulse.