13 yo ran away for independence
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Anonymous
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I would not send a troubled kid to Wilderness therapy. Period. Injuries and death? Rampant abuse and no oversight? Staff from boot camps and correctional institutions? No standards or long term studeies supporting this type of therapy? No licensing or regulation? And given the lack of formal oversight, I especially would not send a young girl, who is a high risk of sexual abuse.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilderness_therapy http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/when-wilderness-boot-camps-take-tough-love-too-far/375582/ 40% of kids who graduate from these programs end up in long term residential care? That's a terrible outcome. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilderness_therapy http://astartforteens.org/dangers-of-teen-wilderness-programs https://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/children-s-health-10/misc-kid-s-health-news-435/death-trip-648083.html http://www.nbcnews.com/news/other/camps-troubled-kids-can-be-magnets-abuse-f8C11409077 I have a daughter with ADHD and anxiety who is 12. I would never in a million years do this. She works with a good psychiatrist, a good therapist for mindfulness and CBT, and we worked with the school to develop a 504 plan. You know-- safe, accepted mainstream therapy that Under parental supervision, that allows her to sleep in her own bed. She is also an A student. She also has lots of friends and activities. She is even on a robotics team. Difference is? When she is upset, she communicates with us, instead of running away. I can only imagine that If I sent her away from home to an unlicensed facility with no formal oversight run by boot camp instructors, she, too, would have "abandonment" issues and start running away from home. She would also (rightfully) hate me. Although she might be too afraid to say so, because she wouldn't want to be shipped away again. Your poor child. Get your DD real help of the the medication and mainstream therapy variety. The poor impulse control that leads a young teen to run away from home (and get herself kicked out of the house and sent to Wilderness therapy) is headed in a direct line to sex, drugs, self-harm, suicide attempts, and other forms of "acting out" that happen with kids who have impulse control issues. Frankly, your kid deserves a lot better that what you are giving her. No wonder she is so screwed up. |
Anonymous
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Certainly no punishment but lots of hugs. Having that kind of unexpected reaction helps kids understand that what they did was very serious indeed. I would scare her shitless about the dangers a young girl faces when alone, especially at night. I wouldn't mince my words. PP is right - she should have a safe space to go to and constant access to a phone. I also agree that transitions are really, really difficult. As someone with social anxiety, it would be very stressful to go from 0 friends to multiple friends, and the fact she just hosted a party might explain the whole thing. It's just too much and there is a reaction. A social life means reciprocity and being upbeat and social all the time, putting on a social face, etc. That must weigh on her terribly and she feels the need to escape from that. Perhaps I would offer her a few "day outs" every year where she can wake up in the morning and decide NOT to go to school that day, NOT to do chores or classwork or anything but relax, alone or with you, doing stuff she likes. It would be the equivalent of a mental health day. |
Anonymous
| Grounded big time. You need an alarm on the house clearly. No door or window should open without you knowing. I'm a big believer in that parents are in complete control at all times. You control when she eats, what she eats, when she uses the bathroom. She speaks only when spoken to. Maybe control her more and she will appreciate the little things. |
Anonymous
You're joking right? This is abuse and will create PTSD in a child. |
Anonymous
I disagree. It is hard to get services in rural Mississippi. It is hard to get a good psychiatrist or psychologist who will file with insurance-- you have to pay out of pocket and submit for reimbursement youself. But if you have the money to pay out of pocket and a few free hours to make phone calls, there are definitely good adolescent providers (therapists and psychiatrists) with openings in DMV. . My DC has an excellent psychiatrist and a wonderful therapist (who comes to our house, where DC is more comfortable, BTW), and both are taking new patients. In fact, I referred a friend recently, who go in to both in a week. You do have to private pay, but both charge less than my insurance's reimbursement rate. I get 80%% reimbursed, since they are out of network. Any good pediatrician knows good mental health providers. In fact, some one posts on the SN section of this board at least once a month and gets several names. So it is very doable. And this kid desperately needs her mom to do it. |
Anonymous
As opposed to shipping her off to Wilderness "therapy," which will make her feel safe, accepted, supported and loved. Give me a break. |
Anonymous
Yes, it sounds infinitely worse. A child can believe that her parents mistook an overly harsh camp for something better and got it wrong. However parents imprisoning a child will not only scar her for life, at the end she won't have her parents anymore. |
Anonymous
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Lots of hugs and no punishment for a kid who did something so reckless and dangerous. And something that shows that she has so little self control? Wow. Mom better hope he child's next impulse control failure doesn't end up in rape, pregnancy, drug addition, death...
She made a serious mistake and handled the situation terribly. She needs to understand how very badly it could have turned out. Actions have consequences. If the parents don't help her see that, eventually the world will. |
Anonymous
What is abusive about it ? |
Anonymous
| Take her phone. Despite what the others say its her crutch and she knows that she can use it for mom's taxi to come and pick her up. Without the phone she isn't going anywhere. |
Anonymous
...said no sane person with a child, ever. |
Anonymous
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PP, the OP specifically said that the wilderness therapeutic program she sent her daughter to was staffed by licensed therapists. It was not a "boot camp." You are making assumptions here that aren't born out by the OP's experience. Anyone considering this step must vet the program carefully, of course.
Wilderness programs are short-term interventions, helpful, as my daughter's psychiatrist pointed out, when you have a kid who is refusing therapy. Given that, it's not terrifically surprising that a high percentage of kids in wilderness go on to either a therapeutic boarding school or an RTC. It's not the cure, it's a step in recovery, and for some kids, a very useful and productive one. For my kid, wilderness was the step that finally led her to work with a therapist, after 2+ years of resistance to therapy. Part of the shift came from the switch in therapeutic modality: behaviorist approaches just did not get at the multiple levels of trauma and attachment problems that factor into my kid's behavior. But part was due to the wilderness experience itself: how expeditions challenge kids and build competence. As for the abandonment issues question, kids can have problems in attachment for a wide variety of reasons: trauma, adverse childhood experiences in school or with siblings, and many, many other things. |
Anonymous
If this is true, then do not send her away at this point. It will erode trust. She might do stellar in the program just to get through it but you may never be able to build a relationship with her in the future. |
Anonymous
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Wow, I'm amazed at how unsympathetic some posters are. This is not an easy situation for the parent or the child.
OP, is it possible that she had a panic attack? I used to have them occasionally when I was a teenager, and they are pretty overwhelming. They can produce the feeling that you must get out of whatever situation you are, no matter what. Nothing matters other than escaping, and it doesn't matter where you go. Have her read some first personal accounts of panic attacks and see if they sound familiar to her. I agree with the PP who suggested working with her to develop strategies and safe places, as well as anxiety reduction techniques. She needs help, not punishment. |
Anonymous
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I, too, am amazed at the lack of sympathy. This family is dealing with a lot of stress. My hope is that OP finds a good and caring therapist for her daughter, and considers family therapy as well. My suggestion would be to look for someone who is especially knowledgeable about attachment and abandonment. Surprisingly, that's not a frame of reference that is always brought to bear on the treatment of kids with anxiety and depression. Above all, look for a good fit with your kid: therapy only works if you have a willing participant.
Hugs and good wishes to you, OP. Know that there are people out there who have been where you are, |