My Master's vs DH's job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why am I thinking that this is one of those waste of time masters that DC area SAHMs LOVE to get -- public health; public policy; non profit administration etc. And at the end while you come out with "connections," you're still only looking at a 50k job. Strictly from an ROI perspective, it isn't worth paying 50k/yr for 2 yrs for a masters that will result in a 50k job.

Ahh...that makes sense. I was thinking it was social work or something. And it seemed kind of odd to me that someone who was serious about. Working and going to school has a childcare plan of "the neighbors love to babysit."
It also sounds kind of crazy to expect your spouse to stay in an area and job he doesn't like in order for his wife to complete school or work at her job earning $50k/yr.

These all sound like major issues to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't figure out what to do.

I'm set to start a master's degree program next week. I'm currently a SAHM (we have one child), but I would like to start up the career I had before marriage/kid. Being out of the field a few years has made it tough to find a job again, but the master's will help a lot. Plus, I'm pretty friggin' excited about it.

Now DH is saying he thinks I shouldn't do it. His reasons are:
-it's a lot of money ($500/credit)
-we'd have to find childcare (I have family in the area who can help, plus tons of our neighbors babysit)
-he hates the area and his job that he's been at 6 months, and plans to start applying for new jobs out of state once he's been at this job for a year. So doing a 2-3 year masters program interferes with that.
-he hadn't said this but I suspect he thinks the career I want isn't "prestigious" enough/pays enough. True, it doesn't pay as much as his job, but it's in the 50-70k range.

Other schools offer the same program, but the one here is one of the best. It also has a TON of contacts in the career I want, so it will help me out a lot in the long run.

We also don't know how long it will actually take DH to find another job, it could be a couple years.

I understand that DH is unhappy here!but I also think this program will benefit us both in the long run. I love this area and don't want to leave but will for him. I just wish he could suck it up a couple more years since after this, we'll be living wherever he wants to.

Thoughts?

You'd earn $50,000 with a Master's? I'm with your DH, not worth it

[Anonymous]

What's the masters program? Hard to give advice without more info.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to everyone. Especially the poster who just wrote "get a job". Absolutely brilliant, never would have thought of that on my own

In all seriousness.....

I don't think I was clear enough in my previous post.

Yes, DH has brought up the money issue, but that's not the real problem. When we've talked about me going back to school in the past, he was very supportive. He makes enough that I could be a SAHM forever if I wanted. We have no debt and plenty of savings. I do some part time work (online and in-person consulting, I make $40-$100 per hour) that would cover the cost of tuition. He makes very good money and it took him 3 degrees to get that salary, so he sees the value in grad school.

The real issue is he wants to leave his job and this area as soon as possible. He's been at this job 6 months and is going to start sending out applications in another 3-6 months. I'd normally be 100% supportive of that. I've encouraged him to quit his entire career in the past- even if it meant a big pay cut- because I want him to be happy. I love this area and my family is here, but I agreed to move to wherever he wants so he can be happy.

I would just like him to hold off for another 2 years so I can get this degree. Even another year would help tremendously- I can then switch to weeklong intensive classes instead of semester classes after that.

And that's even if he gets another job right away. It could take another year or two. In the meantime, I can't work (other than what I do part time) or go to school because I don't know when we'll have to move. I just feel like I have put my life on hold for the past 3 years- first for his career and now for our kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, you really need to mention what the degree is. It's not trivial information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the masters program? Hard to give advice without more info.

This

[Anonymous]

Get the degree going and reevaluate after he changes jobs. Masters are more transferable to other schools than Ph.D.'s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why am I thinking that this is one of those waste of time masters that DC area SAHMs LOVE to get -- public health; public policy; non profit administration etc. And at the end while you come out with "connections," you're still only looking at a 50k job. Strictly from an ROI perspective, it isn't worth paying 50k/yr for 2 yrs for a masters that will result in a 50k job.

I agree it's probably not worth it for a $50K per year job but the math is more like $15K per year ($500 per credit x 30 credits per year = $15,000).

[Anonymous]

Why can't you wait until you relocate and then go back to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you wait until you relocate and then go back to school?

Her husband has been at his job for only 6 months and already wants to quit, but in 3-6 months he will start looking and who knows how long it will take him to find something acceptable. By then she could have finished a year of her degree and move on to weekly intensives like she said. She shouldn't put her goals on hold indefinitely having already sacrificed while her husband earned 3 degrees. And all of this is coming out the week before OP is starting a program she's excited about. No way. She should go ahead with her plans. Do none of you unsupportive posters have daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you wait until you relocate and then go back to school?

Her husband has been at his job for only 6 months and already wants to quit, but in 3-6 months he will start looking and who knows how long it will take him to find something acceptable. By then she could have finished a year of her degree and move on to weekly intensives like she said. She shouldn't put her goals on hold indefinitely having already sacrificed while her husband earned 3 degrees. And all of this is coming out the week before OP is starting a program she's excited about. No way. She should go ahead with her plans. Do none of you unsupportive posters have daughters?

Agreed. It's not a 150k program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you wait until you relocate and then go back to school?

Her husband has been at his job for only 6 months and already wants to quit, but in 3-6 months he will start looking and who knows how long it will take him to find something acceptable. By then she could have finished a year of her degree and move on to weekly intensives like she said. She shouldn't put her goals on hold indefinitely having already sacrificed while her husband earned 3 degrees. And all of this is coming out the week before OP is starting a program she's excited about. No way. She should go ahead with her plans. Do none of you unsupportive posters have daughters?

Thank you! Like I said, it's not about money. He'd be happy if I didn't work.

It's that he wants the ability to pick up and move whenever he wants. This is his 4th position within the past 3 years (2 of which were temporary assignments from his employer). Now he's in a position he can stay awhile and I would like to take advantage. But he's talking about moving from here ASAP, and then trying to take on another temporary assignment a couple years after that.

[Anonymous]

Since you say you've encouraged him to quit before if it would make him happy, and instead he started a new job in the same field he likes even less ... And you say he wants to move away from your family ...

Do you think the next job will be any better, or is he trying to stay completely free to move around as much as he wants? What is the chance you move to Omaha, where you have no support, and he hates that job, too. And three years from now, you have no degree, no job history, no family, and a depressed husband?

Start the program. Transfer if you need to. If you really, really think you'll be moving in 6-12 months, find a local program that will let you do the rest of the degree on line.

I am a PhD who teaches online currently (it's my mommy-track job). I will never be able to be a full time, tenure track prof again unless I self-finance researching and writing a book a two. I will also get a Master's in a related field before I return to the full time job market, though I can go for free (or close to it) through the institution I adjunct for. My likely top salary in the new field will be 85-100K, so peanuts by DCUM standards, but I will never get full time work without the degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you wait until you relocate and then go back to school?

Her husband has been at his job for only 6 months and already wants to quit, but in 3-6 months he will start looking and who knows how long it will take him to find something acceptable. By then she could have finished a year of her degree and move on to weekly intensives like she said. She shouldn't put her goals on hold indefinitely having already sacrificed while her husband earned 3 degrees. And all of this is coming out the week before OP is starting a program she's excited about. No way. She should go ahead with her plans. Do none of you unsupportive posters have daughters?

Thank you! Like I said, it's not about money. He'd be happy if I didn't work.

It's that he wants the ability to pick up and move whenever he wants. This is his 4th position within the past 3 years (2 of which were temporary assignments from his employer). Now he's in a position he can stay awhile and I would like to take advantage. But he's talking about moving from here ASAP, and then trying to take on another temporary assignment a couple years after that.

Ha! You answered just as I was writing the above! He is depressed, and this pattern will never end. You need to do what you need to do. If he puts his unhappiness on you, that's a big problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to everyone. Especially the poster who just wrote "get a job". Absolutely brilliant, never would have thought of that on my own

In all seriousness.....

I don't think I was clear enough in my previous post.

Yes, DH has brought up the money issue, but that's not the real problem. When we've talked about me going back to school in the past, he was very supportive. He makes enough that I could be a SAHM forever if I wanted. We have no debt and plenty of savings. I do some part time work (online and in-person consulting, I make $40-$100 per hour) that would cover the cost of tuition. He makes very good money and it took him 3 degrees to get that salary, so he sees the value in grad school.

The real issue is he wants to leave his job and this area as soon as possible. He's been at this job 6 months and is going to start sending out applications in another 3-6 months. I'd normally be 100% supportive of that. I've encouraged him to quit his entire career in the past- even if it meant a big pay cut- because I want him to be happy. I love this area and my family is here, but I agreed to move to wherever he wants so he can be happy.

I would just like him to hold off for another 2 years so I can get this degree. Even another year would help tremendously- I can then switch to weeklong intensive classes instead of semester classes after that.

And that's even if he gets another job right away. It could take another year or two. In the meantime, I can't work (other than what I do part time) or go to school because I don't know when we'll have to move. I just feel like I have put my life on hold for the past 3 years- first for his career and now for our kid.

If you're set to begin school next week, that means you're already registered, you've paid for classes, etc. You have a lot of sunk costs here, and relocating now and moving to a different school not only would delay starting until the spring at the earliest (and right now it doesn't sound like you even know where you might end up geographically), but would cause you to lose a good amount of non-refundable tuition dollars. It doesn't make sense for you to give up the program at this point.

At this point, I'd recommend coming up with the framework of a game plan that allows you to pursue your degree and also allows your husband to start planning for a transition. There are a lot of options you can consider. For instance, while I realize you'd like to finish your degree at this school, I'd suggest spending some time researching other reputable programs you might be able to transfer into, and see if any of them are in areas you and your husband would consider moving. If so, one possibility is for him to start looking for a job in that area in 6 months, and as things move along, you look into applying to transfer at the appropriate time. Another possibility (if you have enough childcare resources in the area) is for your husband to agree to hold off the job search for a year, but then if he finds a job before you're done with your degree, he moves for the job, you stay with the kids to finish, and then you join him in the new location after you graduate. Or he could wait 18 months to start looking in the hopes that he finds something within the same timeframe you graduate, and he could delay his start date enough for you all to move together. Or you don't commit to one of these scenarios, he starts looking for a job in 6 months (so that he shows at least a year in his current job), and you're all flexible to some combination of these solutions to help you both get what you want.

In the meantime, is there anything you (as a couple, not just you personally) can do to make things more pleasant for him while he waits? You probably can't do much about the job itself, but maybe you could find the time for him to take some weekend classes for a new hobby? Anything else that might engage him outside of work so he's happier all-around while he waits?