My Master's vs DH's job

[Anonymous]

Tell him how much alimony is for SAHM
Honestly. think what it would be like as a single parent and plan accordingly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

And you're still not naming the master's program.

It's not relevant to my question so I'm not going to. But it's a hard science/STEM.

Good for you Op and good luck with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

1. Looks like she was only here to get ammunition to use against DH.[b]where do you get this from? It sounds like she has some thoughts now, and they are going to talk
2. What trolls? All but the 1 or 2 comments about the DC SAHM's knowing nothing about PTA were all on point. She probably is referring to 1. the nasty poster degrading SAHMs AND the people saying she should subjugate herself to her husband because education stupid.
3. Makes me think she simply dismissed all the posts that were in support of DH.

I don't know about OP< but I would dismiss those posts. Whether there is any value in her pursuing an MS< MBA< MA< whatever, her DH wants her to basically do nothing, or take a job, that he will then rip her away from again when he AGAIN decided it is time to move on. Basically, they support that she should put her life on hold until DH decides to get his shit together and stay put.

Or she could look into re-training in another field or get training to become up to speed in her current field. There's definitely options other than pursuing a masters here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

1. Looks like she was only here to get ammunition to use against DH.[b]where do you get this from? It sounds like she has some thoughts now, and they are going to talk
2. What trolls? All but the 1 or 2 comments about the DC SAHM's knowing nothing about PTA were all on point. She probably is referring to 1. the nasty poster degrading SAHMs AND the people saying she should subjugate herself to her husband because education stupid.
3. Makes me think she simply dismissed all the posts that were in support of DH.

I don't know about OP< but I would dismiss those posts. Whether there is any value in her pursuing an MS< MBA< MA< whatever, her DH wants her to basically do nothing, or take a job, that he will then rip her away from again when he AGAIN decided it is time to move on. Basically, they support that she should put her life on hold until DH decides to get his shit together and stay put.

Or she could look into re-training in another field or get training to become up to speed in her current field. There's definitely options other than pursuing a masters here.

I would assume since this is not in Jobs and Careers, she has looked at her own situation and assessed it and decided this is the right course. She is not looking for career advice. She is looking of r relationship advice. Hence, Relationship Discussion.

[Anonymous]

And to add, to the OP's post, she could start training or a job and her husband would probably still discourage her because he wants to uproot everything again. So your advice re: training etc doesn't matter.

OP needs to convince her husband, one way or the other, that she should be given some latitude and permanency to pursue her career again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

1. Looks like she was only here to get ammunition to use against DH.[b]where do you get this from? It sounds like she has some thoughts now, and they are going to talk
2. What trolls? All but the 1 or 2 comments about the DC SAHM's knowing nothing about PTA were all on point. She probably is referring to 1. the nasty poster degrading SAHMs AND the people saying she should subjugate herself to her husband because education stupid.
3. Makes me think she simply dismissed all the posts that were in support of DH.

I don't know about OP< but I would dismiss those posts. Whether there is any value in her pursuing an MS< MBA< MA< whatever, her DH wants her to basically do nothing, or take a job, that he will then rip her away from again when he AGAIN decided it is time to move on. Basically, they support that she should put her life on hold until DH decides to get his shit together and stay put.

Or she could look into re-training in another field or get training to become up to speed in her current field. There's definitely options other than pursuing a masters here.

Why would re-training in another field be superior to getting a master's degree in your current field? You don't even know what Op's field is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

And you're still not naming the master's program.

It's not relevant to my question so I'm not going to. But it's a hard science/STEM.

It is relevant because you could get actually advice on practical moves to make that could get you where you want to go without going into massive debt.

As a woman with a STEM career a master's means little if you don't have the work experience behind it. But you do you babe. Hopefully that Master's is good enough to support your life a divorced mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And to add, to the OP's post, she could start training or a job and her husband would probably still discourage her because he wants to uproot everything again. So your advice re: training etc doesn't matter.

OP needs to convince her husband, one way or the other, that she should be given some latitude and permanency to pursue her career again.

As a former trailing spouse, I disagree. This is the time where you stop "convincing" your spouse and start doing.

"I'm going back to school for my masters degree at XXX. Classes begin Tuesday at 6:30 and Thursday at 7. Do I need to find a sitter until you get home, or can you ensure you are home by X? "

Done deal.

Make sure your degree can be completed even if you move. If YOU (not your spouse) decides school isn't the best option, than I'd get a job. Even if this means transferring or giving notice when your spouse decides to bale. I've always been a trailing spouse, but I've always found work, even when it was for a 21 month stint.

Don't ask, just do. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a friend of mine spend two years and over 40K doing a masters in education so she could move up in her school district. She told me recently that the debt is killing her and that she didn't get the promotion she wanted. She now wants to leave teaching.

I can relate with this.
A teacher friend went back to school, and did her MA as a reading specialist amassing almost $50.000 in debt and has not been able to land the position of her choice for over 2 years ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I thinking that this is one of those waste of time masters that DC area SAHMs LOVE to get -- public health; public policy; non profit administration etc. And at the end while you come out with "connections," you're still only looking at a 50k job. Strictly from an ROI perspective, it isn't worth paying 50k/yr for 2 yrs for a masters that will result in a 50k job.

+1

Or worse. There's a reason she refuses to say what it is.

Lol -- non profit administration is the degree du jour for SAHMs these days. Every 3rd SAHM I know who needs to get back into the work force is pursuing it. I think it's bc they've been out for so long that the only things they can relate to anymore is volunteer work -- i.e. PTA; bake sales and the like -- so why not try to find a career with an organization that's entire mission is volunteer related, not profit related.

This is so mean spirited, I don't even know what to say. I mean, it is mind blowingly mean, reductive, thoughtless.

+1 - former SAHM now WAHM

[Anonymous]

^^meant WOHM not WAHM (and I didn't get a master's )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I thinking that this is one of those waste of time masters that DC area SAHMs LOVE to get -- public health; public policy; non profit administration etc. And at the end while you come out with "connections," you're still only looking at a 50k job. Strictly from an ROI perspective, it isn't worth paying 50k/yr for 2 yrs for a masters that will result in a 50k job.

+1

Or worse. There's a reason she refuses to say what it is.

Lol -- non profit administration is the degree du jour for SAHMs these days. Every 3rd SAHM I know who needs to get back into the work force is pursuing it. I think it's bc they've been out for so long that the only things they can relate to anymore is volunteer work -- i.e. PTA; bake sales and the like -- so why not try to find a career with an organization that's entire mission is volunteer related, not profit related.

This is so mean spirited, I don't even know what to say. I mean, it is mind blowingly mean, reductive, thoughtless.

+1 - former SAHM now WAHM

+2. My employer, yes a nonprofit, has an annual budget of up to $50 million, depending on the grants per year. And no we don't rely on volunteers, nor would bake sale experience have any weight. Ph.Ds and Masters or JDs matter, though. Douche.

[Anonymous]

OP's husband, who has left several jobs and is unhappy both with work and with the area, wants her to back out of a plan to pursue her education so that he can move her away from her family on a time frame that suits him.

This is a problem. They can afford the masters, so this appears to be about control and possibly about his depression.

OP, you two need to talk about what's going on with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

And you're still not naming the master's program.

It's not relevant to my question so I'm not going to. But it's a hard science/STEM.

It is relevant because you could get actually advice on practical moves to make that could get you where you want to go without going into massive debt.

As a woman with a STEM career a master's means little if you don't have the work experience behind it. But you do you babe. Hopefully that Master's is good enough to support your life a divorced mom.

What OP wants to avoid is having a "STEM career" like yours that involves washing glassware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thank you again, some of you were very insightful and have given me a lot to work with. We are having a talk tonight so hopefully it goes well!

And a big LOL to the trolls

And you're still not naming the master's program.

It's not relevant to my question so I'm not going to. But it's a hard science/STEM.

It is relevant because you could get actually advice on practical moves to make that could get you where you want to go without going into massive debt.

As a woman with a STEM career a master's means little if you don't have the work experience behind it. But you do you babe. Hopefully that Master's is good enough to support your life a divorced mom.

What OP wants to avoid is having a "STEM career" like yours that involves washing glassware.

Perhaps my wording was harsh.
I probably have athe career or similar career that OP wants.
I stayed at home with my kids for nearly a decade so I needed to spruce up my resume to get where I wanted to go. I started by getting a certificate that was less than $1000 to get me the entry level job I wanted. I then steadily moved up the ladder, and did eventually get a Master's degree, and gt to where I wanted to be but didn't go into large amounts of debt doing it.
I know far to many woman in similar spots who see all the job listings wanting Master's degrees, they rush out and get the degree only to find they still can't get hired for the jobs they want because they lack the skills.
You are right that I still wash glassware, but that's because I'm not too proud to do any task, my techs appreciate that about me.