Reply to My Master's vs DH's job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks to everyone. Especially the poster who just wrote "get a job". Absolutely brilliant, never would have thought of that on my own ;)

In all seriousness.....

I don't think I was clear enough in my previous post.

Yes, DH has brought up the money issue, but that's not the real problem. When we've talked about me going back to school in the past, he was very supportive. He makes enough that I could be a SAHM forever if I wanted. We have no debt and plenty of savings. I do some part time work (online and in-person consulting, I make $40-$100 per hour) that would cover the cost of tuition. He makes very good money and it took him 3 degrees to get that salary, so he sees the value in grad school.

The real issue is he wants to leave his job and this area as soon as possible. He's been at this job 6 months and is going to start sending out applications in another 3-6 months. I'd normally be 100% supportive of that. I've encouraged him to quit his entire career in the past- even if it meant a big pay cut- because I want him to be happy. I love this area and my family is here, but I agreed to move to wherever he wants so he can be happy.

I would just like him to hold off for another 2 years so I can get this degree. Even another year would help tremendously- I can then switch to weeklong intensive classes instead of semester classes after that.

And that's even if he gets another job right away. It could take another year or two. In the meantime, I can't work (other than what I do part time) or go to school because I don't know when we'll have to move. I just feel like I have put my life on hold for the past 3 years- first for his career and now for our kid. [/quote]

If you're set to begin school next week, that means you're already registered, you've paid for classes, etc. You have a lot of sunk costs here, and relocating now and moving to a different school not only would delay starting until the spring at the earliest (and right now it doesn't sound like you even know where you might end up geographically), but would cause you to lose a good amount of non-refundable tuition dollars. It doesn't make sense for you to give up the program at this point.

At this point, I'd recommend coming up with the framework of a game plan that allows you to pursue your degree and also allows your husband to start planning for a transition. There are a lot of options you can consider. For instance, while I realize you'd like to finish your degree at this school, I'd suggest spending some time researching other reputable programs you might be able to transfer into, and see if any of them are in areas you and your husband would consider moving. If so, one possibility is for him to start looking for a job in that area in 6 months, and as things move along, you look into applying to transfer at the appropriate time. Another possibility (if you have enough childcare resources in the area) is for your husband to agree to hold off the job search for a year, but then if he finds a job before you're done with your degree, he moves for the job, you stay with the kids to finish, and then you join him in the new location after you graduate. Or he could wait 18 months to start looking in the hopes that he finds something within the same timeframe you graduate, and he could delay his start date enough for you all to move together. Or you don't commit to one of these scenarios, he starts looking for a job in 6 months (so that he shows at least a year in his current job), and you're all flexible to some combination of these solutions to help you both get what you want.

In the meantime, is there anything you (as a couple, not just you personally) can do to make things more pleasant for him while he waits? You probably can't do much about the job itself, but maybe you could find the time for him to take some weekend classes for a new hobby? Anything else that might engage him outside of work so he's happier all-around while he waits?[/quote]

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