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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Newly pregnant. Looking to hire housekeeper/nanny
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Anonymous
| You could also consider a full-time M-F nanny, and then a weekend nanny for the weekends. I know a family that does this |
Anonymous
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OP, I think it's very, very possible that you will want to adjust your hours once the baby arrives. I never stopped working, but once I had my kids, I started working from home two days a week and was only in the office 8-4. We had an excellent nanny, same one until both kids went to school, but I couldn't stand being away from my kids for more than 10 hours a day. (I have a long commute.) I'm very attached to my kids (as is my DH, but I'll leave him out of it because it sounds like you have a different sort of DH) and they are the most interesting, joyful, meaningful part of my life. Relaxing a bit on the career front has been easy because the rewards from my kids are so much greater.
I think you should plan on a full-time, very well-paid nanny, a weekly housekeeper, and cutting back on your hours. I promise, you'll be glad. |
Anonymous
| Can you afford $100K plus generous benefits? I've done jobs like this, but it's expensive and I'm currently employed. |
Anonymous
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You'll get different answers if you move this to the nanny forums.
If you truly want to outsource, as in, have grownups who can do this job without a lot of input from you, I think you want two, almost full time nannies. Or, a full-time and part-time weekday nanny, and someone for the weekends. While my husband was gone for a few months, I had coverage 7-7 every day. I had a bunch of kids including a young infant, so there was still a lot on me, but this is how we structured it: Full-time nanny, M-F 8:30-5 (2.5 hours OT/week) Part-time morning mother's helper (laundry, cooking, light cleaning, M-F, 7-12 Part-time evening mother's helper (mostly helped at bedtime), M-F, 4-7 Weekend sitter, 9-7 Saturday, 7-7 Sunday (this was a friend's high school aged daughter. She acted as an extra set of hands. If I needed real time alone to work or something, I either hired my nanny or one of our mother's helpers). We also have a weekly deep cleaning service and a yard service. This was expensive. We only had the additional help beyond our regular nanny for 5 months, and we spent almost 100K on childcare/housekeeping last year (including all taxes). Even so, I spent A LOT of time scrambling for coverage during holidays, for sick days, for weekends when the high-schooler couldn't come, when someone needed a day off ...). So yes, you can totally outsource, but if you want this to be easy and seamless, go through an agency which will also be able to send replacements as needed. It can be hard to find part-time or weekend people who will stay long, for example. |
Anonymous
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Nanny here and this is basically the kind of job I do. My last family I worked with twins from age 1-age 6. During that time I was the default "parent." I would get up with them and get them ready and take them on outings and then during nap I made all of their food from scratch and also prepped some food for family dinner. Three nights a week, parents walked in at 6pm to dinner on the table and kids bathed and in jammies and would eat dinner as a family while I washed dinner dishes then I'd wipe the kids up and handle toothbrushing, etc. then parents would read a bedtime story and kiss them goodnight while I prepped for the day. The other two nights, parents stayed at the office to work so that they could leave early some nights or if they had a light week they'd catch dinner/drinks with friends or one another.
In a bigger sense I also kept their things organized, bought all of their clothes and toys as they aged out of things, did grocery shopping and other errands weekly, took them to all doctors' appointments (and yes, because I was their primary attachment figure, they were perfectly happy to have me care for them when sick and during doctor visits), researched and signed them up for activities, volunteered in their preschool class, planned and executed birthday parties, etc. We also did things like go on vacations just the kids and I. When their mom had to travel for work, the kids and I would go camping or on a road trip to Williamsburg, Jamestown, Virginia Beach, Niagara Falls, even all the way to St. Louis once, and when mom got back the kids would tell her all the fun they'd had and how she missed out instead of being sad that she was gone and that they missed her the entire tire. The things that made it work: 1) They had a weekend "mother's helper" so Saturday and Sunday I was 100% off. 2) Pay was good and I had lots of flexibility and time off, which I didn't abuse. But basically as long as I could find a sitter to fill in for me, they were fine with me taking time off as needed or taking kids with me on a personal errand. If I didn't have that, the 12 hour days would have been tough. 3) The parents, like you, were very honest with themselves and with me about their needs. They didn't need or want to be the primary caregiver and they were willing to follow my lead on most things because I was in the trenches and they weren't. 4) Parents were appreciative verbally for all the hard work I did and showed that they valued my relationship with their kids. While I am no longer their nanny, I still see the kids a few times a month and they are a big part of my life. The mom still occasionally will call or email and say, "What do I do about Larla? She's been doing X." And we talk it through as a team. |
Anonymous
 Are you that crazy from over on the nanny forum who claims a nanny working for $15-20 per hour is basically equivalent to slave labor?
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Anonymous
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So I know some couples who have a part-time live in situation, where the nanny comes in Sunday nights and leaves after dinner Friday nights.
In the situation I am thinking of, the nanny was Filipina, completely legal, and basically started her day at 7 am, and ended at 8 pm. She made the kids' (twins) breakfasts and lunches, and the family's dinner. She'd do the family's laundry, grocery shopping, and general upkeep-cleaning. She'd retire to her room at 8, and the parents were on their own from that point forward. So all the night care was done by the parents, as was the weekend care. The nanny was free to stay for the weekend, as she had a private room + bedroom, but she wasn't required to do anything for the family. IF they needed her, they'd pay her overtime. She happened to have family nearby, so she generally left. Both parents were docs, and sometimes the mom had to do night call. In that case, the Dad was on his own. They paid her 50K/year plus benefits. This was 5 years ago and in a city (Phil suburbs) that is slightly cheaper than DC. |
Anonymous
| PP here. I should mention that they gave her 6 weeks off (paid) as well, so she could travel, during which time their families came to help out. |
Anonymous
| It would be one thing to expect a nanny to do all of those things if she were employed part-time but your children were in school at least a few hours each day (even then, it would be hard to find and you'd pay handsomely for it), but with an infant, it's not going to happen. Their demands are too high and unpredictable, you nanny will need a break or two during the day during naps, and there would need to be huge leeway for none of the household work to have gotten done if your baby had a challenging day. So realistically, you need to expect to hire a nanny and a part-time housekeeper to get all of that done (but you're still going to need to be available for things like doctor's appointments). Also, finding a nanny for 60+ hours a week is going to be extremely challenging, you'll probably need a full-time nanny and either second part-time nanny or an au pair to cover the extra. That person might also be able to help on weekends, or you might need an additional sitter. |
Anonymous
this is nuts. good for those kids that they had you, but still. this is nuts. |
Anonymous
| 9:59 here and I wanted to add that the kids are perfectly happy and well-adjusted and very attached to both parents. While I did most of the hands-on work in the early years, we incorporated the parents as much as possible. While I would take them to go clothes shopping, the focus was, "Wow, what a fun shirt! I can't wait to show Mommy!" And while I planned the birthday party, it meant that the parents got to show up and just enjoy how excited their kids were and not worry about whether we had dairy-free cupcakes for Larla's friend. And once a year their Dad would take them to the zoo, but then every time we went without him I would remind them of that memory and they would call him afterwards to tell him how much fun they had and talk about his favorite animals. So we found lots of ways to remind the kids that their parents love them and were present even when not physically present. |
Anonymous
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Kudos to you op for identifying what you need and not having mom guilt. It sounds to me like you are going to outsource all the blah housework stuff so that you can focus the few precious hours you have on fun stuff with your kid. That's how I view your situation.
And Kudos to the SAHPs because that's what the op needs...and people are saying she needs two people to get it all done. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I think the bigger issue than the time here is the largely uninterested dad. I hope OP is truly being realistic, because there are going to be hiccups where your childcare calls out sick, or your child is up sick all night, or there's a problem at school, or something with your child conflicts with something you (or your husband) wants to do.
For me, what would wear on me was the feeling that DH had somehow announced his intention ahead of time to never be the one to accommodate anything, that he would get a pass on it all, and could pick and choose which kid-related things he actually would participate in. This would create a ton of resentment for me even if I had paid help most of the time. I understand why you're having the baby, OP, and I hope your DH comes around when he meets him or her, but right now, this does not sound like a happy future for you (though I am sure your kid will be fine, because you will make sure of it). |
Anonymous
| Yikes. |