Newly pregnant. Looking to hire housekeeper/nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:59 here and I wanted to add that the kids are perfectly happy and well-adjusted and very attached to both parents. While I did most of the hands-on work in the early years, we incorporated the parents as much as possible. While I would take them to go clothes shopping, the focus was, "Wow, what a fun shirt! I can't wait to show Mommy!" And while I planned the birthday party, it meant that the parents got to show up and just enjoy how excited their kids were and not worry about whether we had dairy-free cupcakes for Larla's friend. And once a year their Dad would take them to the zoo, but then every time we went without him I would remind them of that memory and they would call him afterwards to tell him how much fun they had and talk about his favorite animals. So we found lots of ways to remind the kids that their parents love them and were present even when not physically present.

Actually, they were not present. They had other fish to fry.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all 7 pages, but I wanted to add that some agencies do not require the au pair's half day and full day to be consecutive. Ours does some hours each weekday and then a full day Saturday. We give Sunday off. Sometimes Saturday is the half and sometimes it's a Wednesday or Thursday. I think you could do this with a nanny and an au pair plus cleaners. If you give your nanny overtime to cover the one day during the week your au pair has off, she can work both days of the weekend and cover the 5-8 slot during the week. It's your life, so who cares what other people say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bigger issue than the time here is the largely uninterested dad. I hope OP is truly being realistic, because there are going to be hiccups where your childcare calls out sick, or your child is up sick all night, or there's a problem at school, or something with your child conflicts with something you (or your husband) wants to do.

For me, what would wear on me was the feeling that DH had somehow announced his intention ahead of time to never be the one to accommodate anything, that he would get a pass on it all, and could pick and choose which kid-related things he actually would participate in. This would create a ton of resentment for me even if I had paid help most of the time.

I understand why you're having the baby, OP, and I hope your DH comes around when he meets him or her, but right now, this does not sound like a happy future for you (though I am sure your kid will be fine, because you will make sure of it).

+1

For me, that would be the end of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and this is basically the kind of job I do. My last family I worked with twins from age 1-age 6. During that time I was the default "parent." I would get up with them and get them ready and take them on outings and then during nap I made all of their food from scratch and also prepped some food for family dinner. Three nights a week, parents walked in at 6pm to dinner on the table and kids bathed and in jammies and would eat dinner as a family while I washed dinner dishes then I'd wipe the kids up and handle toothbrushing, etc. then parents would read a bedtime story and kiss them goodnight while I prepped for the day. The other two nights, parents stayed at the office to work so that they could leave early some nights or if they had a light week they'd catch dinner/drinks with friends or one another.

In a bigger sense I also kept their things organized, bought all of their clothes and toys as they aged out of things, did grocery shopping and other errands weekly, took them to all doctors' appointments (and yes, because I was their primary attachment figure, they were perfectly happy to have me care for them when sick and during doctor visits), researched and signed them up for activities, volunteered in their preschool class, planned and executed birthday parties, etc.

We also did things like go on vacations just the kids and I. When their mom had to travel for work, the kids and I would go camping or on a road trip to Williamsburg, Jamestown, Virginia Beach, Niagara Falls, even all the way to St. Louis once, and when mom got back the kids would tell her all the fun they'd had and how she missed out instead of being sad that she was gone and that they missed her the entire tire.

OP here. This sounds perfect! Exactly what I'm looking for. Glad to hear these things do work out well and everyone is happy.

Please let this be a troll post, please, please. I feel sorry for those children and for OP's child that is going to be born to people who should not be parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and this is basically the kind of job I do. My last family I worked with twins from age 1-age 6. During that time I was the default "parent." I would get up with them and get them ready and take them on outings and then during nap I made all of their food from scratch and also prepped some food for family dinner. Three nights a week, parents walked in at 6pm to dinner on the table and kids bathed and in jammies and would eat dinner as a family while I washed dinner dishes then I'd wipe the kids up and handle toothbrushing, etc. then parents would read a bedtime story and kiss them goodnight while I prepped for the day. The other two nights, parents stayed at the office to work so that they could leave early some nights or if they had a light week they'd catch dinner/drinks with friends or one another.

In a bigger sense I also kept their things organized, bought all of their clothes and toys as they aged out of things, did grocery shopping and other errands weekly, took them to all doctors' appointments (and yes, because I was their primary attachment figure, they were perfectly happy to have me care for them when sick and during doctor visits), researched and signed them up for activities, volunteered in their preschool class, planned and executed birthday parties, etc.

We also did things like go on vacations just the kids and I. When their mom had to travel for work, the kids and I would go camping or on a road trip to Williamsburg, Jamestown, Virginia Beach, Niagara Falls, even all the way to St. Louis once, and when mom got back the kids would tell her all the fun they'd had and how she missed out instead of being sad that she was gone and that they missed her the entire tire.

OP here. This sounds perfect! Exactly what I'm looking for. Glad to hear these things do work out well and everyone is happy.

That is open to question. Everyone has accepted the situation. Happy? Probably not, at least not the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. We have a situation like this. We have a full time day nanny who works 55 hours a week and in the beginning we also had a night nanny. We let that fade out when DC started STTN consistently. We have a weekend nanny as well who travels with us.

Nanny does it all - childcare, dr. appointments, sick days, teacher conferences, birthday parties, play dates, chauffeuring to school and activities, homework, errands, meal planning and prep, etc. We bought an extra car that she is allowed to drive during the day. We also have a 2x weekly cleaning service, grocery delivery, and a lawn service.

We basically don't do anything around the house that we don't want to do. Read a bedtime story? Fine. Change a diaper? Nope. Works well for us. I would not want to do it any other way. We wanted a kid but didn't want to make our lives completely revolve around him. We're not really "kid people." I hate going to kid birthday parties, for example, so it's nice to be able to send him with our weekend nanny.

I hope you are not "offspring people," either, because your adult kids will want to stay far, far away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. We have a situation like this. We have a full time day nanny who works 55 hours a week and in the beginning we also had a night nanny. We let that fade out when DC started STTN consistently. We have a weekend nanny as well who travels with us.

Nanny does it all - childcare, dr. appointments, sick days, teacher conferences, birthday parties, play dates, chauffeuring to school and activities, homework, errands, meal planning and prep, etc. We bought an extra car that she is allowed to drive during the day. We also have a 2x weekly cleaning service, grocery delivery, and a lawn service.

We basically don't do anything around the house that we don't want to do. Read a bedtime story? Fine. Change a diaper? Nope. Works well for us. I would not want to do it any other way. We wanted a kid but didn't want to make our lives completely revolve around him. We're not really "kid people." I hate going to kid birthday parties, for example, so it's nice to be able to send him with our weekend nanny.

Read what you've just wrote. Bedtime stories and diapers aren't things you do "around the house", they are things you do for a child. You think your child is like a floor that needs sweeping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and this is basically the kind of job I do. My last family I worked with twins from age 1-age 6. During that time I was the default "parent." I would get up with them and get them ready and take them on outings and then during nap I made all of their food from scratch and also prepped some food for family dinner. Three nights a week, parents walked in at 6pm to dinner on the table and kids bathed and in jammies and would eat dinner as a family while I washed dinner dishes then I'd wipe the kids up and handle toothbrushing, etc. then parents would read a bedtime story and kiss them goodnight while I prepped for the day. The other two nights, parents stayed at the office to work so that they could leave early some nights or if they had a light week they'd catch dinner/drinks with friends or one another.

In a bigger sense I also kept their things organized, bought all of their clothes and toys as they aged out of things, did grocery shopping and other errands weekly, took them to all doctors' appointments (and yes, because I was their primary attachment figure, they were perfectly happy to have me care for them when sick and during doctor visits), researched and signed them up for activities, volunteered in their preschool class, planned and executed birthday parties, etc.

We also did things like go on vacations just the kids and I. When their mom had to travel for work, the kids and I would go camping or on a road trip to Williamsburg, Jamestown, Virginia Beach, Niagara Falls, even all the way to St. Louis once, and when mom got back the kids would tell her all the fun they'd had and how she missed out instead of being sad that she was gone and that they missed her the entire tire.

The things that made it work:

1) They had a weekend "mother's helper" so Saturday and Sunday I was 100% off.

2) Pay was good and I had lots of flexibility and time off, which I didn't abuse. But basically as long as I could find a sitter to fill in for me, they were fine with me taking time off as needed or taking kids with me on a personal errand. If I didn't have that, the 12 hour days would have been tough.

3) The parents, like you, were very honest with themselves and with me about their needs. They didn't need or want to be the primary caregiver and they were willing to follow my lead on most things because I was in the trenches and they weren't.

4) Parents were appreciative verbally for all the hard work I did and showed that they valued my relationship with their kids. While I am no longer their nanny, I still see the kids a few times a month and they are a big part of my life. The mom still occasionally will call or email and say, "What do I do about Larla? She's been doing X." And we talk it through as a team.

This is possibly the saddest post I have ever read on DCUM.

I agree. Going to the zoo once a year with dad and hoping sometime in the brief amount of time they see her that mom notices the new tshirt... god, those poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 7 pages, but I wanted to add that some agencies do not require the au pair's half day and full day to be consecutive. Ours does some hours each weekday and then a full day Saturday. We give Sunday off. Sometimes Saturday is the half and sometimes it's a Wednesday or Thursday. I think you could do this with a nanny and an au pair plus cleaners. If you give your nanny overtime to cover the one day during the week your au pair has off, she can work both days of the weekend and cover the 5-8 slot during the week. It's your life, so who cares what other people say.

No, it won't work. If she really, truly has work that can't wait and so does her husband, or he is going to refuse to cover, then she needs to schedule help that can be counted on for every hour she *might* need it. That way, if someone gets sick, presumably she has more coverage later in the day. To make this work, she needs to have so much help that a problem (someone quits, gets sick, snow day) doesn't impact the plans. I think that's too much for a nanny and an au pair especially since the au pair can't do housework.

[jsteele]

This thread probably belonged in the Nanny Forums from the beginning and now appears to be pretty out of control. So, I'll lock it.