How do you know husband is "in love" with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to this thread?

Jeff deleted half of it after some unmediated posters attacked.

Who did they attack? If it was me, I'm pissed if I missed it.

Each other. It wasn't too exciting, half of it didn't make any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to this thread?

Jeff deleted half of it after some unmediated posters attacked.

Who did they attack? If it was me, I'm pissed if I missed it.

Each other. It wasn't too exciting, half of it didn't make any sense.

Day drinkers. Gotta love em!

[Anonymous]

Let's see. He looks at me in this really doting way. He laughs delightedly at my quirks and silliness. He likes to be with me. We've had our rough times, where things went dark for a while. Our weird, intense bond seems to survive, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH loves me, but not quite sure he is/was ever in love. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's more of a duty he is fulfilling.
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.

DH here. This is me. I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time. We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc. Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are. I don't miss her when she's gone. And sex? Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them. All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions. Not because I don't love and care for her, but because I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage, to keep things "happy."

But inside I am dying (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship. I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this. You make it work. Because that's what you do. Just make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH loves me, but not quite sure he is/was ever in love. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's more of a duty he is fulfilling.
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.

DH here. This is me. I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time. We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc. Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are. I don't miss her when she's gone. And sex? Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them. All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions. Not because I don't love and care for her, but because I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage, to keep things "happy."

But inside I am dying (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship. I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this. You make it work. Because that's what you do. Just make it work.

Hang in there, DH. I hope you find some happiness somewhere. I think this is what people were reacting to yesterday with the "he wishes to be faithful" poster. There's a difference between being a stand-up guy and really being in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to this thread?

Jeff deleted half of it after some unmediated posters attacked.

Who did they attack? If it was me, I'm pissed if I missed it.

I'm not sure why it was deleted. Someone said that what posters were describing (being partners / a family / etc) sounded like practicality rather than love, and others disagreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH loves me, but not quite sure he is/was ever in love. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's more of a duty he is fulfilling.
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.

DH here. This is me. I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time. We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc. Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are. I don't miss her when she's gone. And sex? Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them. All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions. Not because I don't love and care for her, but because I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage, to keep things "happy."

But inside I am dying (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship. I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this. You make it work. Because that's what you do. Just make it work.

Hang in there, DH. I hope you find some happiness somewhere. I think this is what people were reacting to yesterday with the "he wishes to be faithful" poster. There's a difference between being a stand-up guy and really being in love.

it's possible to be both though. i'm not trying to argue but rather saying that for some men, especially those from a strong and connected family, finding "their person," the person they want to build a life with, IS love for them. hard to explain if you've never experienced it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH loves me, but not quite sure he is/was ever in love. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's more of a duty he is fulfilling.
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.

DH here. This is me. I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time. We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc. Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are. I don't miss her when she's gone. And sex? Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them. All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions. Not because I don't love and care for her, but because I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage, to keep things "happy."

But inside I am dying (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship. I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this. You make it work. Because that's what you do. Just make it work.

I'm the DW that wrote this, and sometimes I wish DH and I could just amicably split, and I could be given the courtesy to move on and find someone who really treasues me.

Just food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He calls to say he's coming home, and can he pick anything up.
When I run out of something mid bake, he goes out and gets it.
He buys me flowers when he sees them and he remembers the kind I don't like and doesn't but them.
He is thoughtful and gets me the ice cream I like

Sounds nice. But anything more substantial? Than just some grocery runs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH loves me, but not quite sure he is/was ever in love. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's more of a duty he is fulfilling.
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.

DH here. This is me. I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time. We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc. Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are. I don't miss her when she's gone. And sex? Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them. All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions. Not because I don't love and care for her, but because I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage, to keep things "happy."

But inside I am dying (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship. I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this. You make it work. Because that's what you do. Just make it work.

Hang in there, DH. I hope you find some happiness somewhere. I think this is what people were reacting to yesterday with the "he wishes to be faithful" poster. There's a difference between being a stand-up guy and really being in love.

it's possible to be both though. i'm not trying to argue but rather saying that for some men, especially those from a strong and connected family, finding "their person," the person they want to build a life with, IS love for them. hard to explain if you've never experienced it.

Exactly. I know my husband loves me because I know he loves and has dreamed of the kind of life we have together - comfortable, family oriented, etc. I feel the same about him. There's more to it than that of course, but it's a big part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to this thread?

Jeff deleted half of it after some unmediated posters attacked.

Who did they attack? If it was me, I'm pissed if I missed it.

I'm not sure why it was deleted. Someone said that what posters were describing (being partners / a family / etc) sounded like practicality rather than love, and others disagreed.

I agree, unless I missed something.

[Anonymous]

I show her that I love her by giving her every drop of my love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I show her that I love her by giving her every drop of my love.

Hi hon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH loves me, but not quite sure he is/was ever in love. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's more of a duty he is fulfilling.
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.

Well, sometimes men don't communicate unhappiness about things but they do stuff like this and act in this way - going through the motions.

You shouldn't be asking and stressing about whether he loves you enough or not you should be trying to figure him out more.
What makes him happy? What makes him unhappy? What can you do for him so that he falls deeply in love with you again?
Have it come from YOU rather than questioning him and see how it goes.

We don't do this put me on a pedestal thing like others have been posting (and you know what? I ran from guys who treated me that way. It's too weird for me) but I have noticed that as I've been more attentive to his needs (a concerted effort over the past year) and done nice things for him he now talks to me a lot more. He talks to me a lot more about what's going on in his life, his feelings and just about anything (politics, sports, work). I love this as I want a partner and friend. We are much more connected and it's very fun and fulfilling.

He still gets me sucky presents because he's not good at that but ive decided I don't care about that anyway.

What is it that you want from him most?

[Anonymous]

OP, how did you two meet? I know in my case we met online and therefore a lot of the initial "romantic" courtship period happened before we actually met and by the time we started seeing each other IRL we had already moved on to a more comfortable/familiar relationship, which was great but sometimes it feels like we skipped out on the early relationship passion.