How do you know husband is "in love" with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how did you two meet? I know in my case we met online and therefore a lot of the initial "romantic" courtship period happened before we actually met and by the time we started seeing each other IRL we had already moved on to a more comfortable/familiar relationship, which was great but sometimes it feels like we skipped out on the early relationship passion.

Meeting online doesn't mean that has to happen. We knew each other online for a long while before we even met in person. There was plenty of passion, and the spark has been there more often than not over the years, but we're both intense people. Although now that I think of it, he did go through a phase where he felt he'd missed out on that-eyes-meet-a-stranger's-across-a-crowded room type of meeting and subsequent courtship with me. But we would never have gotten together that way. You can't win when people are dissatisfied with what they have.

[Anonymous]

I will show my love by not hitting reverse if I accidentally run her over...jk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will show my love by not hitting reverse if I accidentally run her over...jk

+1

[Anonymous]

You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I get this nagging suspicion that my dh wasn't ever "in love" with me. I know he loves me deeply and cares for me. But we never had the hot and spicy romance other people speak of. He would not see me for weeks during dates when we met and was still pining for his ex. etc.

I know he cares for me, I can tell. I can't tell if he's "in love" with me.

Ladies, how do you know your husband is "in love" with you?

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

I read all these wonderful things that your husbands do for you, ladies, and it makes me glad that I'm divorcing mine and looking for one more like yours. (And no, I'm not after your husbands!) *grin*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will show my love by not hitting reverse if I accidentally run her over...jk

+1

+2

[Vsubois19]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will show my love by not hitting reverse if I accidentally run her over...jk

+1

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

Mine isn't. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what love is. His parents' relationship seemed good, but over the years I learned they just don't show their feelings at all. My DH hadn't had serious relationships before me (aside from a HS girlfriend). I am afraid he settled for me because he didn't know any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine isn't. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what love is. His parents' relationship seemed good, but over the years I learned they just don't show their feelings at all. My DH hadn't had serious relationships before me (aside from a HS girlfriend). I am afraid he settled for me because he didn't know any better.

And you settled for him because.....???

Are you extremely physically ugly or something? No other options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine isn't. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what love is. His parents' relationship seemed good, but over the years I learned they just don't show their feelings at all. My DH hadn't had serious relationships before me (aside from a HS girlfriend). I am afraid he settled for me because he didn't know any better.

And you settled for him because.....???

Are you extremely physically ugly or something? No other options?

I was in love with him. He knew he right way to act (imitating people, I guess), and I fell for it. We only dated a year, which was dumb. I guess I got what I deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine isn't. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what love is. His parents' relationship seemed good, but over the years I learned they just don't show their feelings at all. My DH hadn't had serious relationships before me (aside from a HS girlfriend). I am afraid he settled for me because he didn't know any better.

And you settled for him because.....???

Are you extremely physically ugly or something? No other options?

-1! How can you feel he settled for you when you're the one he asked, bought the ring for, walked down the aisle with and had kids with -- the one he's still with now?

You need more self esteem. Like a pp said, love is a verb, the act of "showing up," as Woody Allen would say. DH proves he loves you by showing up, every day, for you and the kids.

I've never been into showy "very much in love" moments (I'm a DW, btw) because they're for the world, not for us. DH and I show we love each other by taking the time to be together quietly when the kids are -- finally -- asleep and we can enjoy a cup of coffee and talk. Sometimes he gets me roses for $10 from Safeway. That's fabulous. Once he liked a photo of flowers I sent him on FB, we don't have flashy FB montages like some couples. That's just not us.

Taking the school parents night when I can't bear another -- that's true love. Dealing with yet another home repair. Putting up with my mom -- that's heroic!

True love is being there. You got him. He didn't settle for his other girls. He dumped them. He didn't settle for you, either. He married you. He's still married to you.

Congratulations, you're the prize!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine isn't. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what love is. His parents' relationship seemed good, but over the years I learned they just don't show their feelings at all. My DH hadn't had serious relationships before me (aside from a HS girlfriend). I am afraid he settled for me because he didn't know any better.

And you settled for him because.....???

Are you extremely physically ugly or something? No other options?

-1! How can you feel he settled for you when you're the one he asked, bought the ring for, walked down the aisle with and had kids with -- the one he's still with now?

You need more self esteem. Like a pp said, love is a verb, the act of "showing up," as Woody Allen would say. DH proves he loves you by showing up, every day, for you and the kids.

I've never been into showy "very much in love" moments (I'm a DW, btw) because they're for the world, not for us. DH and I show we love each other by taking the time to be together quietly when the kids are -- finally -- asleep and we can enjoy a cup of coffee and talk. Sometimes he gets me roses for $10 from Safeway. That's fabulous. Once he liked a photo of flowers I sent him on FB, we don't have flashy FB montages like some couples. That's just not us.

Taking the school parents night when I can't bear another -- that's true love. Dealing with yet another home repair. Putting up with my mom -- that's heroic!

True love is being there. You got him. He didn't settle for his other girls. He dumped them. He didn't settle for you, either. He married you. He's still married to you.

Congratulations, you're the prize!

You're very sweet, and it sounds like your husband is lovely, too, but not all husbands are that involved or involved at all. Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine isn't. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what love is. His parents' relationship seemed good, but over the years I learned they just don't show their feelings at all. My DH hadn't had serious relationships before me (aside from a HS girlfriend). I am afraid he settled for me because he didn't know any better.

+1

I had the same situation. Now I realize that his entire family is the same way. I wish I had the wisdom to have seen it back then. I wouldn't have married him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

>>DH here. This is me. I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time. We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc. Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are. I don't miss her when she's gone. And sex? Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them. All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions. Not because I don't love and care for her, but because I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage, to keep things "happy."

But inside I am dying (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship. I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this. You make it work. Because that's what you do. Just make it work.<<

This is heartbreaking. Have you tried counseling? Does your wife know how you feel? Do you seriously think that being with someone who is dying inside & feeling trapped by your marriage is honestly the right thing to give to your life partner you seem to respect? I hope to God this isn't my husband posting. Gives me chills....