Reply to How do you know husband is "in love" with you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think my DH loves me, but [b]not quite sure he is/was ever in love[/b]. He is a great father and husband, but never seemed to be particularly wild about me. He gives fantastic gifts, but it's clear it's [b]more of a duty he is fulfilling[/b]. 
I don't know how else to say it- just something I sense.[/quote]

DH here.  This is me.  I love my wife, and I care about her, but I'm not in love with her.

I realize that for some of you this makes no sense, but we've been together for over half of our lives, and maybe there was a time when I felt this way, but the reality is, I'm not now, and haven't been for a very, very long time.  We do all the couple things, we're always on the same page with the kids, finances, etc.  Our marriage is a successful enterprise, but over time it's become painfully obvious how different we are.  I don't miss her when she's gone.  And sex?  Obligatory, disconnected.

I want her to be happy, because she's a good person and deserves to be happy, so I do all of the things that have been said here that make the other DWs feel that their husbands are in love with them.  All of these gestures - they're thoughtful, and loving, and they certainly are symptoms of a happy, healthy marriage, but for me, it's just going through the motions.  Not because I don't love and care for her, but because [u]I feel obligated to do what I need to do to sustain the marriage[/u], to keep things "happy."

But inside I am [i]dying[/i] (probably literally) for something more, to feel in love, and for me that's a genuine connection, a kind of emotional chemistry that is utterly absent from our relationship.  I've felt this way for years, and every day is a struggle to try to feel happy, to want what I've got, but I don't, and I feel trapped, because when all's said and done, we've built a life together, and I can't bear to think of what it would mean for our family if I were to move on.

So every day is a struggle to come to terms with this.  You make it work.  Because that's what you do.  Just make it work.[/quote]

Hang in there, DH. I hope you find some happiness somewhere. I think this is what people were reacting to yesterday with the "he wishes to be faithful" poster. [b]There's a difference between being a stand-up guy and really being in love[/b]. [/quote]

it's possible to be both though.  i'm not trying to argue but rather saying that for some men, especially those from a strong and connected family, finding "their person," the person they want to build a life with, IS love for them.  hard to explain if you've never experienced it.[/quote]

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