My sister's new relationship...not comfortable with this at all.

[Anonymous]

I have no advice to give, but this is exactly why those contact lists and directories make me uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

These two adults will be together no matter what you do or say. You cannot control it (that's 12-step 101).

However, I would definitely tell the principal that you KNOW a teacher is texting constantly and this behavior should be stopped immediately.

[Anonymous]

Is it illegal for him to go into the school database for someone's contact info, then use it for social purposes ONLY?

I don't know what the legalities would be for this behavior, but I would assume that this teacher is going beyond his code of duty. He seems to have crossed an ethical line here BIG time.

I think your sister is very vulnerable right now. And men like him prey on these types of women. I know you want your sister to be happy & loved, but it will never happen w/this loser.

I couldn't sit by personally + wait for her heart/life to be destroyed.

I would anonymously report him, however you do run the risk of her finding out what you did.

Is that a risk you are willing to take to protect your sister? Only you can decide that OP.

Good luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

Make sure he is not talking to your kids about this and trying to become their "extra special trusted almost family" turned predator. Sorry to inject that, but this is what child protection training suggests as one pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is not talking to your kids about this and trying to become their "extra special trusted almost family" turned predator. Sorry to inject that, but this is what child protection training suggests as one pattern.

OP here: Yeah, I have been very carefully watching for that. I told her under no circumstances is he allowed at the house without my permission (which he won't get) and he is not allowed to meet up with her when she's with the kids, either. She's not the only vulnerable one.

New development, by the way: she just told me he's already interviewing for other jobs at other schools (not in DC). I asked her: "does this not concern you? That he's claiming to be smitten with you, yet has one foot out the door already?"

My biggest dilemma right now is whether or not to report him to the school for looking up my sister's number (and probably others). Obviously, she liked it...so can he really get in trouble? And she's definitely going to know it was me who reported him. That would be a big problem between the two of us. She likes him.

I really REALLY wish, like one of the previous posters said, that I could find a way to intervene before she gets hurt...but I think the coffee is already brewing there. She's going to end up very disappointed. It's just a question of when. And how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is not talking to your kids about this and trying to become their "extra special trusted almost family" turned predator. Sorry to inject that, but this is what child protection training suggests as one pattern.

OP here: Yeah, I have been very carefully watching for that. I told her under no circumstances is he allowed at the house without my permission (which he won't get) and he is not allowed to meet up with her when she's with the kids, either. She's not the only vulnerable one.

New development, by the way: she just told me he's already interviewing for other jobs at other schools (not in DC). I asked her: "does this not concern you? That he's claiming to be smitten with you, yet has one foot out the door already?"

My biggest dilemma right now is whether or not to report him to the school for looking up my sister's number (and probably others). Obviously, she liked it...so can he really get in trouble? And she's definitely going to know it was me who reported him. That would be a big problem between the two of us. She likes him.

I really REALLY wish, like one of the previous posters said, that I could find a way to intervene before she gets hurt...but I think the coffee is already brewing there. She's going to end up very disappointed. It's just a question of when. And how.

Well, everyone goes through break ups and disappointments. That is a part of life you can't protect her from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is not talking to your kids about this and trying to become their "extra special trusted almost family" turned predator. Sorry to inject that, but this is what child protection training suggests as one pattern.

That was my first thought too.

It sounds like your sister spends a lot of time with your kids, is vulnerable and needy, has few friends, low self esteem, and that is the perfect set up for a guy that wants to get to either
Kids
Money

Especially being a male in the elementary school that is targeting her very aggressively (directory). I would be like a hawk and make it clear she is out of my house if I found out she ever took my kids around this guy.
I know you trust her, but the fact that she ran out of the house with no notice when this guy shows up tells me she could be swayed to do something similar or meet him with your kids. I'm sure he's very convincing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it illegal for him to go into the school database for someone's contact info, then use it for social purposes ONLY?

I don't know what the legalities would be for this behavior, but I would assume that this teacher is going beyond his code of duty. He seems to have crossed an ethical line here BIG time.

I think your sister is very vulnerable right now. And men like him prey on these types of women. I know you want your sister to be happy & loved, but it will never happen w/this loser.

I couldn't sit by personally + wait for her heart/life to be destroyed.

I would anonymously report him, however you do run the risk of her finding out what you did.

Is that a risk you are willing to take to protect your sister? Only you can decide that OP.

Good luck to both of you.

Not OP, but I'm wondering if that would drive her into his arms even more. A big dramatic and romantic "us against the world" type situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is not talking to your kids about this and trying to become their "extra special trusted almost family" turned predator. Sorry to inject that, but this is what child protection training suggests as one pattern.

That was my first thought too.

It sounds like your sister spends a lot of time with your kids, is vulnerable and needy, has few friends, low self esteem, and that is the perfect set up for a guy that wants to get to either
Kids
Money

Especially being a male in the elementary school that is targeting her very aggressively (directory). I would be like a hawk and make it clear she is out of my house if I found out she ever took my kids around this guy.
I know you trust her, but the fact that she ran out of the house with no notice when this guy shows up tells me she could be swayed to do something similar or meet him with your kids. I'm sure he's very convincing.

OP here: this was definitely in my mind already but I had pushed it aside to "worst case scenario" territory. But the more people that mention it, the more plausible it seems.

You're right...if she is so easily swayed to do something so stupid and obviously out of her best interests, what else? This is really getting out of hand. I might speak to the school tomorrow. Actually, I'm DEFINITELY speaking to the school tomorrow. They should at least know what he's up to with the contact lists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it illegal for him to go into the school database for someone's contact info, then use it for social purposes ONLY?

I don't know what the legalities would be for this behavior, but I would assume that this teacher is going beyond his code of duty. He seems to have crossed an ethical line here BIG time.

I think your sister is very vulnerable right now. And men like him prey on these types of women. I know you want your sister to be happy & loved, but it will never happen w/this loser.

I couldn't sit by personally + wait for her heart/life to be destroyed.

I would anonymously report him, however you do run the risk of her finding out what you did.

Is that a risk you are willing to take to protect your sister? Only you can decide that OP.

Good luck to both of you.

I thought about that, too...but I very much doubt that he'd be there for her if she needed to "run" to anyone. This is 100% about him and his needs. It's totally on his terms. So...I don't see that happening. At least not on his end.

Not OP, but I'm wondering if that would drive her into his arms even more. A big dramatic and romantic "us against the world" type situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it illegal for him to go into the school database for someone's contact info, then use it for social purposes ONLY?

I don't know what the legalities would be for this behavior, but I would assume that this teacher is going beyond his code of duty. He seems to have crossed an ethical line here BIG time.

I think your sister is very vulnerable right now. And men like him prey on these types of women. I know you want your sister to be happy & loved, but it will never happen w/this loser.

I couldn't sit by personally + wait for her heart/life to be destroyed.

I would anonymously report him, however you do run the risk of her finding out what you did.

Is that a risk you are willing to take to protect your sister? Only you can decide that OP.

Good luck to both of you.

Not OP, but I'm wondering if that would drive her into his arms even more. A big dramatic and romantic "us against the world" type situation.

Sorry, the above is from me, OP. I put my reply in the wrong space. Here it is: I thought about that, too...but I very much doubt that he'd be there for her if she needed to "run" to anyone. This is 100% about him and his needs. It's totally on his terms. So...I don't see that happening. At least not on his end.

[Anonymous]

I have just contacted the school, asking to speak to the principal. Thanks everyone for all your support this weekend. I'll keep you posted!

[Anonymous]

your sister sounds fun

[Anonymous]

This seems to be the only area in which your sister is behaving somewhat of her own will. She's an adult and adults do dumb things and get hurt. I think your meddling is wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP here: it appears to be over.

I spoke to one of the other teachers first (who I'm close with) but I didn't name any names. I approached it as if I'd heard about some strange use of the contact list for flirting, etc, just to gauge a reaction. She immediately guessed who it was before I even finished my thought. Apparently this is NOT the first time he's done this. She said she was going to talk to the principal since she knew of other specific instances... and that (like me) she hadn't said anything before, but now she felt it had gone far enough and it was an abuse of resources. I agreed.

By the end of the day, he had "broken up" with my sister via text, claiming he needed to focus on his sobriety, "get to know himself," blah blah. He seriously used the word "myself" 4 times in one text message. It was so rehearsed. He has DEFINITELY done this before.

My sister is sad but being the good person she is, says she just wants him to get healthy, etc. I'm really glad this is over. It was going to get so much worse.

As for the school, I look forward to hearing what was done about this. This highly-impulsive, selfish, hedonistic dude has no business teaching children. He's a predator and I hope to see him move on.