My sister's new relationship...not comfortable with this at all.

[Anonymous]

You never said, but how old is your sister OP?

[Anonymous]

Good to hear, thanks for the update

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it appears to be over.

I spoke to one of the other teachers first (who I'm close with) but I didn't name any names. I approached it as if I'd heard about some strange use of the contact list for flirting, etc, just to gauge a reaction. She immediately guessed who it was before I even finished my thought. Apparently this is NOT the first time he's done this. She said she was going to talk to the principal since she knew of other specific instances... and that (like me) she hadn't said anything before, but now she felt it had gone far enough and it was an abuse of resources. I agreed.

By the end of the day, he had "broken up" with my sister via text, claiming he needed to focus on his sobriety, "get to know himself," blah blah. He seriously used the word "myself" 4 times in one text message. It was so rehearsed. He has DEFINITELY done this before.

My sister is sad but being the good person she is, says she just wants him to get healthy, etc. I'm really glad this is over. It was going to get so much worse.

As for the school, I look forward to hearing what was done about this. This highly-impulsive, selfish, hedonistic dude has no business teaching children. He's a predator and I hope to see him move on.

How old is your sister?

[Anonymous]

Wow. Good for you OP. I hope he will be removed from the school since reading this story made my skin crawl. Given his abrupt dumping of your sister, I can only imagine what he's trying to hide.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your sister does childcare for you in exchange for money. That's called work, providing a service or product in exchange for money. Your phrasing makes it sound as if you are the one doing her a favor and that has me wondering. Is something wrong with her, i.e. is she not capable of being a functional adult? There is a reason she is responding to this guy and I'm trying to figure what it is. She has the same hormones pumping through her body that you do... the difference is that you are married with children and she isn't. Do you give her time to date and meet a "nice boy" as our grandmothers would say? Given your odd phrasing, I'm wondering if you treat her poorly, things like "You have time off when the kids are in school, any man worth having will accomidate your schedule". Your ground rules don't seem to be healthy or effective, she is going off and probably screwing or doing drugs with this guy in his car. That's far more damaging to your children then a nice boyfriend would ever be. I'm also not convinced he randomly texted her, he had to know based on something that she'd respond and not turn him into the school. My suggestion is that you treat her like a live-in nanny or at minimum an au pair, give her time and opportunity to meet a nice gentleman. If you think there are mental health issues, do what you can to address them. Start with love not with rules "Jane, this dude hasn't invited you on a date, he isn't interested in getting to know you or your family, what is it about him that appeals to you?".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your sister does childcare for you in exchange for money. That's called work, providing a service or product in exchange for money. Your phrasing makes it sound as if you are the one doing her a favor and that has me wondering. Is something wrong with her, i.e. is she not capable of being a functional adult? There is a reason she is responding to this guy and I'm trying to figure what it is. She has the same hormones pumping through her body that you do... the difference is that you are married with children and she isn't. Do you give her time to date and meet a "nice boy" as our grandmothers would say? Given your odd phrasing, I'm wondering if you treat her poorly, things like "You have time off when the kids are in school, any man worth having will accomidate your schedule". Your ground rules don't seem to be healthy or effective, she is going off and probably screwing or doing drugs with this guy in his car. That's far more damaging to your children then a nice boyfriend would ever be. I'm also not convinced he randomly texted her, he had to know based on something that she'd respond and not turn him into the school. My suggestion is that you treat her like a live-in nanny or at minimum an au pair, give her time and opportunity to meet a nice gentleman. If you think there are mental health issues, do what you can to address them. Start with love not with rules "Jane, this dude hasn't invited you on a date, he isn't interested in getting to know you or your family, what is it about him that appeals to you?".

OP here. Not sure where you got all these ideas about me treating her poorly or her "screwing or doing drugs in a car." Calm down.

She has severe social anxiety after a series of traumatic circumstances in her life. We have all been gently trying to make her get out and meet some people, getting her involved in some activities, make friends, etc. It's very complicated. By "ground rules," I meant explicitly stating that her relationship needed to be discreet in front of the kids (for obvious reasons). And I can assure you that this DID start with him looking up her number in the directory and texting her. She showed me. Neither of us could believe it. I think as a predatory person, he saw an opportunity in the fact that she's socially awkward with low self-esteem. Unfortunately, it worked.

And she's not my full-time nanny. She just helps out now and then. So it's not a matter of a lack of time or freedom.

The principal has contacted me about the situation and she's not happy at all. She agrees that it's an abuse of resources and a violation of trust for a teacher to use the school contact list to pursue women (yes, plural).

I'll keep you all posted.

[Anonymous]

HOW

OLD

IS

SHE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HOW

OLD

IS

SHE?

WHO

CARES?

[Anonymous]

So an update to this story from months ago...I did end up talking to the principal about this guy because it was getting so alarming. She seemed to take it seriously and he stopped getting in touch. But I never heard anything about him being disciplined for going through my family's records or anything. I wondered at the time if I should follow up but I just wanted to move on.

Well, he's calling again. Yes, actually calling my house this time. It's so disruptive and confusing and it's of course causing fights between my sister and I.

Furious, I told the principal (who had previously told me to tell her immediately if he reached out again)...and barely got a response. She just said she talked to him about my "concerns" and ended the email with "thx." Seriously? This guy is her employee who violated my family's privacy (with not-so-pure intentions) and she's shrugging her shoulders, hoping I just go away. Should I call DC Public Schools about this? I'm really afraid this is going to affect my child's education. He clearly has no boundaries or sense of professionalism.

[Anonymous]

The guy may well be creepy but I don't see how he violated your family's privacy. He wanted to ask out your sister. He looked up her number (if he didn't have the directory, he could have done this thru whitepages or something--I find people's numbers online every day for my work as a reporter). He asked her out and she said yes.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of your sister's life.

[Anonymous]

Block the guy's number and let your sister deal with the rest.

[Anonymous]

1. You should tell your sister that you feel this guy i a threat to the well being of your family and children and if she chooses to continue to see him she will no longer be able to live in your home. You can give her X amount of days to seek to living arrangements. No more arguments. She's an adult. She's free to see who she wants in her OWN home. I' give her a max of 30 days.


2. You tell the guy to cease calling your home and harassing you. If he does not file accordingly with the police.


3. Tell the principal you have been forced to contact her superiors and the police due to her inaction and allowing a current employee to harass students and family.

4. Do not publish your name and contact information in the school directory in the future.

[Anonymous]

I think you're overreaching here, to be honest. This is between your sister, who's a single adult, and him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. You should tell your sister that you feel this guy is unstable and doesn't respect boundaries and if she chooses to continue to see him she will no longer be able to live in your home. You can give her X amount of days to seek to living arrangements. No more arguments. She's an adult. She's free to see who she wants in her OWN home. I' give her a max of 30 days.


2. You tell the guy to cease calling your home and harassing you. If he does not, file accordingly with the police.


3. Tell the principal you have been forced to contact her superiors and the police due to her inaction and allowing a current employee to harass students and family.

4. Do not publish your name and contact information in the school directory in the future.

Agree except I changed the wording above. This guy's behavior violates acceptable boundaries. I would not feel comfortable with him continuing to teach at my child's school since he has a history of this kind of behavior/stalking.