My sister's new relationship...not comfortable with this at all.

[Anonymous]

So my sister lives with us and is really involved in helping out with my kids (in exchange for financial support). She's great and we love having her around. But over the past month, she has started a little fling with one of the kids' teachers. I was okay with it at first...we set some ground rules, etc...but now the guy seems like a total bullshitter and I'm really torn about what to do.

First of all, the way it started is alarming: he looked up her number in the school database and started texting her. He didn't even try to act like it was about school or the kids...just immediate romantic intentions. But she was excited, so I was supportive at first. I thought "okay, maybe he really likes her...who am I to get in the way?"

Now they text ALL DAY AND NIGHT. She's shown me his texts (though I've asked her not to) and he seems so insincere, like he's plagiarizing a 90s romance novel. And the more she learns about him, the more I'm concerned. He's barred from his parents' house for some reason, he just entered AA and has been divorced twice (at age 30)!!! He also gets "mad" or "jealous" if she (God forbid) tells him she needs to put the phone down and do something else...like have a face-to-face conversation with someone else.

What's worse is he rarely makes any time for her outside of the phones...no dates or any real plans...except occasional last-minute meetups. Yesterday, he showed up at the building with zero notice and she immediately just put her shoes on and ran out the door. I told her she needs to have some dignity...make him work for it, for God's sake! But she is way too deep in the excitement to realize how messed up this is. She doesn't get a lot of attention otherwise so this is a big deal for her (yet another reason I'm concerned...when he moves on, she'll be destroyed).

Now I know what some of you are thinking: she's an adult, let it play out, etc. But again...this guy works at my kids' school. I'm freaked out and can only see this ending badly. I've expressed my concerns to her but of course she doesn't want to hear it.

Is there anything I can do? Or do I just wait for it to be over?

[Anonymous]

oh god. they both hopeless.

[Anonymous]

This lunatic is teaching your child. I would find a new school if possible, or ask if your child can be in another classroom due to conflict of interest

As for sis, does she have other friends in town? Can you take a weekend getaway? see how the guy acts when he can't be around hwr for 2 days, and also how sis feels about it.

Does this interfere with her caring for the kids?

[Anonymous]

OP here. She is really shy and socially awkward so she doesn't get out much. But like I said, that's one of the main reasons why this worries me. It's going to be awful for her when it ends.

It doesn't INTERFERE per say, but the kids have definitely noticed the constant texting. I don't like that, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This lunatic is teaching your child. I would find a new school if possible, or ask if your child can be in another classroom due to conflict of interest

As for sis, does she have other friends in town? Can you take a weekend getaway? see how the guy acts when he can't be around hwr for 2 days, and also how sis feels about it.

Does this interfere with her caring for the kids?

This is awesome advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This lunatic is teaching your child. I would find a new school if possible, or ask if your child can be in another classroom due to conflict of interest

As for sis, does she have other friends in town? Can you take a weekend getaway? see how the guy acts when he can't be around hwr for 2 days, and also how sis feels about it.

Does this interfere with her caring for the kids?

This is awesome advice!

OP again. It is awesome advice and thanks! But the problem is that they're not AROUND each other much at all! It's just constant texting (and then he occasionally shows up when he's bored without giving her notice). So if we left town, there would just be constant texting.

[Anonymous]

There's probably not much you can do except let it play out, and let her learn from her mistakes. BUT, If he's texting thoughout the school day, you could report that to admin. Say something like, "My kid says Mr. D. is texting a lot in class. I'm concerned that he's not giving the class his full attention." Even better if you can get another parent to report it instead. As a teacher, I would normally never suggest getting other parents involved (and I don't suggest you fill them in on your family drama), but he could come back and say you're just upset that he's dating your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's probably not much you can do except let it play out, and let her learn from her mistakes. BUT, If he's texting thoughout the school day, you could report that to admin. Say something like, "My kid says Mr. D. is texting a lot in class. I'm concerned that he's not giving the class his full attention." Even better if you can get another parent to report it instead. As a teacher, I would normally never suggest getting other parents involved (and I don't suggest you fill them in on your family drama), but he could come back and say you're just upset that he's dating your sister.

Hahaha I dare him to say that. Then he'd probably end up explaining how he got sister's number.

[Anonymous]

OP again: I'm just so worried about her because she has incredibly low self-esteem and like I said, she's really socially awkward. I feel like he sensed that and is preying on it, using her for excitement and attention. Every time I see him, I want to punch him in the face.

I just feel that this whole thing, initiated by him, is completely inappropriate. I didn't say anything at first because I thought maybe he actually wanted to date her (that's what he said, at least). But it doesn't appear that way at all now.

[Anonymous]

I would feel very uncomfortable having this person teach my child.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's definitely using the emergency contact list for reasons other than it's intended use. Wonder how many others he's contacted like this? Maybe THAT'S why they don't have "real" dates, because he's doing this to several women at once and doesn't want to get busted at Chipolte by another texting "buddy".

[Anonymous]

You are right to be concerned. I would block him from her phone if you are paying for the phone and talk to her. Find activities that would allow her to meet others, maybe you can go to a few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's definitely using the emergency contact list for reasons other than it's intended use. Wonder how many others he's contacted like this? Maybe THAT'S why they don't have "real" dates, because he's doing this to several women at once and doesn't want to get busted at Chipolte by another texting "buddy".

OP here: I sort of suggested that on one particular evening. We obviously live right by the school but he doesn't...he lives pretty far away, actually. But he tells her he's going to silence his phone because he's at such-and-such theater (two blocks from us). She was obviously upset by this but kind of laughed it off and asked me "um, did he forget to invite me to our date?" So she prods him a bit and he ends up saying "well, you can come if you want." Of course she grabs her purse but I stop her and try to make her think a little bit first...like maybe someone else was supposed to meet him. And she might be a Plan B. WHY else would he come all the way out to our neighborhood when he's not working and take HIMSELF to a movie?

[Anonymous]

Newly sober...a bit of a stalker...and 2 divorces. Classic addict (though I don't know any who managed 2 marriages before they turned 30...that's another level).

[Anonymous]

Take her to a therapist seriously!!! You should be in the room too!