Can we talk about married sex - nonexpicitly? What is the actual norm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'll concede after reading here it must be a lot. I'm curious about the the more you do the more you want thing. That was mostly what the discussion was about. My friend was complaining that he husband wanted sex more often, they have it about every two weeks. She said she doesn't want it more often. I was mentioning to her that if she had sex more often it might switch up her libido and told her how often my DH and I have it.

As for the uptight poster with no girlfriends... okay, I'm immature and breaching my husbands trust. I'll get some therapy for that.

Lol. I have had plenty of girlfriends over the years. We just didn't talk about our BFs/DHs like that. That's all. Really I don't want to know what happens in their bedrooms...TMI.

Okay, I think we all got that. Why are you continuing to harp on about it, when this is a thread for people who want to discuss it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you both work 50 hours a week outside the home, plus commute, plus drive kids to activities at night? If not, then you're not the norm in terms of busy DC area lifestyle for your ages so you have more energy to be active with your husband.

My husband does and yes, our children are in activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you both work 50 hours a week outside the home, plus commute, plus drive kids to activities at night? If not, then you're not the norm in terms of busy DC area lifestyle for your ages so you have more energy to be active with your husband.

some pele find reasons not to have sex. Some people just find time if it is something that is important to them. Perhaps OP isn't watching Idol at bedtime.

It's not a competition about who is the busiest, not should couples compare how much sex they have vs. others.

As a PP stated, if the couple themselves finds it to be a pleasing amount, that's all that is important. It doesn't matter if you're three times a day, or thrice a year.. If both partners are satisfied with the level of intimacy, worrying about what everyone else is doing is silly.

[Anonymous]

I think op knows that dcum is a sexually dysfunctional group and came her to humble brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think op knows that dcum is a sexually dysfunctional group and came her to humble brag.

Also, I know I'm going to get some humblebrags here but its not like you know who I am and can hifive my husband. I really am curious!

NP I cant stand when people cry "humblebrag!" This is an anonymous forum, not facebook.

[Anonymous]

We have been together 9 years and it's a daily thing for us, usually PIV as well as other routes. No kids yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely at the more frequent end for non-newlyweds. Also, I don't think you said anything about kids. Do you have any? What ages? My personal experience (and that of my friends, because we talk about this regularly) has been that sex drops off dramatically after kids and born and when they're very young, but then comes back to varying extents as the kids get older, parents are sleeping better, kids are less physically needy, etc. We've never fallen below once a week barring medical issues (e.g., 6 weeks post-partum, unable due to back injury), but there was definitely a stretch where those once a week sessions were primarily mercy sex I was offering my husband and not something I was really into. Now my sex drive is coming back, we're more like twice a week, and hopefully that will improve further. But it wouldn't surprise me if we max out at three times a week on average.

Sorry should have mentioned. 4 children 4-15.

Not to the poster I quoted but as for being gross for talking about sex with a girlfriend... do you have any girlfriends? That is pretty normal.

I used to talk to my girlfriends about my various boyfriends/dates when I was in college. By the time I was a Junior/Senior I realized what a breach of trust that was for me to be doing that. So I stopped. And no that is not something I brag about now.

I agree, can't imagine discussing that at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? If it works in your relationship to do it once a year or once a day, then it's healthy. How come the OP can't figure that out without an informal internet poll?

This about sums it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? If it works in your relationship to do it once a year or once a day, then it's healthy. How come the OP can't figure that out without an informal internet poll?

This about sums it up.

I think she was asking about if the addage "the more you do it the more you want it" was true, which no one is answering. FWIW, I think this is true

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in our 30s with a 2 year old. We have mutual orgasms 4-5 times a week (sometimes more but that's not the norm). That's exactly the same as we've been since we met 10 years ago (minus the humping like jack rabbits phase of a new relationship). So what we do is the norm for us based on our sex drives.

Everyone is probably a bit different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? If it works in your relationship to do it once a year or once a day, then it's healthy. How come the OP can't figure that out without an informal internet poll?

This about sums it up.

I think she was asking about if the addage "the more you do it the more you want it" was true, which no one is answering. FWIW, I think this is true

I'm sure for some people that's true and for some it's not. Again, who doesn't already know that different things get different people going?

How about this? I'm in an Open Marriage and whenever my DH is carrying on with another woman, I want to fuck his brains out. Multiple times a day. Because it works for me, it MUST work for everyone else. This is the simple solution for those of you who want to jump start your libido.

OP can share that with her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? If it works in your relationship to do it once a year or once a day, then it's healthy. How come the OP can't figure that out without an informal internet poll?

This about sums it up.

I think she was asking about if the addage "the more you do it the more you want it" was true, which no one is answering. FWIW, I think this is true

I'm sure for some people that's true and for some it's not. Again, who doesn't already know that different things get different people going?

How about this? I'm in an Open Marriage and whenever my DH is carrying on with another woman, I want to fuck his brains out. Multiple times a day. Because it works for me, it MUST work for everyone else. This is the simple solution for those of you who want to jump start your libido.

OP can share that with her friend.

Wow! Is thst true? If so, how does he keep up with demand?

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry your friend judged you. Obviously, she some issues about sex that aren't related to you if she thinks that's gross. Hopefully you have other friends you can talk with about sex with.

[Anonymous]

I agree that if both partners are happy, then what is "normal" doesn't matter. But, if one or both partners are not happy, then what is "normal" does matter. If one partner is in the normal range and one partner is not, then the partner outside of the normal range probably has more opportunities to fix whatever it is that's causing the disparity. In other words, it helps identify the most likely places to go looking for solutions if there is a problem.

[Anonymous]

The eagerness of some PPs to shut down this particular conversation is really odd.