Husband has drinking problem causing MFI, what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being a little harsh here. It is hard for a man to truly get having a child until the child is here. If dh is a good guy, he will come to his senses when the baby is born and sober up.

I've faced a similar problem. The problem is that once you're in your 30s with plenty of money and not any children, there isn't anything else to do really.

OP you need to have a serious talk with your husband about how you feel and what his expectations are when you have a child. Don't talk. Listen. I've found men often are very honest if you truly listen. Ask him what he sees your family life like in the future and see what he says.

No, no, no. Op is seeing a fertility doctor over this, the fertility doctor has said point blank that their issues are caused at least in part by the husband's drinking. Op's husband continues to drink regardless. If that isn't a gigantic Red Flag I don't know what is. This man is not ready to be a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being a little harsh here. It is hard for a man to truly get having a child until the child is here. If dh is a good guy, he will come to his senses when the baby is born and sober up.

I've faced a similar problem. The problem is that once you're in your 30s with plenty of money and not any children, there isn't anything else to do really.

OP you need to have a serious talk with your husband about how you feel and what his expectations are when you have a child. Don't talk. Listen. I've found men often are very honest if you truly listen. Ask him what he sees your family life like in the future and see what he says.

No, no, no. Op is seeing a fertility doctor over this, the fertility doctor has said point blank that their issues are caused at least in part by the husband's drinking. Op's husband continues to drink regardless. If that isn't a gigantic Red Flag I don't know what is. This man is not ready to be a dad.

Or doesn't really want to be one.

[Anonymous]

Best of luck seeking out some help for both you and your DH, OP.

I just wanted to add that skipping drinking during a 2-week IVF cycle is pointless. You are working with sperm produced 90 days ago, not during those 14 days. We have MFI issues, as well. DH saw what I was sacrificing for us to have a baby and didn't balk when I asked him to stop drinking prior to cycles and prepared him packs of multivitamins, vit C, vit D and Co-Q 10.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He drinks 1-2 nights on the weekend (1 night only lately), a 4 or 6 pack on each occasion (it is fancy high-proof beer, like 8% alcohol). I think that his actual consumption may be in the normal realm of male behavior, but what is troubling to me is that if there is alcohol in the house he will drink it until it's gone. It would be difficult for him to buy a bottle of wine and save it for more than a week. So he's not, like, drinking during the day, getting fired from work, etc. He can go out to dinner with me and not drink so that he drives us both home. But, like someone else said, there seems to be a voice in his head that tells him to "drink drink drink" whenever alcohol is in our house.

[Anonymous]

He can only help himself when he is ready and you shouldn't be having kids with a drunk. FFS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He drinks 1-2 nights on the weekend (1 night only lately), a 4 or 6 pack on each occasion (it is fancy high-proof beer, like 8% alcohol). I think that his actual consumption may be in the normal realm of male behavior, but what is troubling to me is that if there is alcohol in the house he will drink it until it's gone. It would be difficult for him to buy a bottle of wine and save it for more than a week. So he's not, like, drinking during the day, getting fired from work, etc. He can go out to dinner with me and not drink so that he drives us both home. But, like someone else said, there seems to be a voice in his head that tells him to "drink drink drink" whenever alcohol is in our house.

This is the definition of an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He drinks 1-2 nights on the weekend (1 night only lately), a 4 or 6 pack on each occasion (it is fancy high-proof beer, like 8% alcohol). I think that his actual consumption may be in the normal realm of male behavior, but what is troubling to me is that if there is alcohol in the house he will drink it until it's gone. It would be difficult for him to buy a bottle of wine and save it for more than a week. So he's not, like, drinking during the day, getting fired from work, etc. He can go out to dinner with me and not drink so that he drives us both home. But, like someone else said, there seems to be a voice in his head that tells him to "drink drink drink" whenever alcohol is in our house.

Drinking 1 -2 nights just isn't a big deal. I drink more than that. I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He drinks 1-2 nights on the weekend (1 night only lately), a 4 or 6 pack on each occasion (it is fancy high-proof beer, like 8% alcohol). I think that his actual consumption may be in the normal realm of male behavior, but what is troubling to me is that if there is alcohol in the house he will drink it until it's gone. It would be difficult for him to buy a bottle of wine and save it for more than a week. So he's not, like, drinking during the day, getting fired from work, etc. He can go out to dinner with me and not drink so that he drives us both home. But, like someone else said, there seems to be a voice in his head that tells him to "drink drink drink" whenever alcohol is in our house.

I thought you said that he drinks every night. 4 beers once a week is not that horrible. The fact that you can't have any alcohol in the house or he drinks it would be way more problematic.

I'm not really understanding how much he's actually drinking.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT BRING A BABY INTO THIS SITUATION! Thank your lucky stars you can't get pregnant with him. Leave or he needs to get really serious about sobering up.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are backtracking from your original post quote a bit, trying to justify that it's normal range, etc. Your OP clearly states that his drinking is progressing from just beer to higher level stuff, he can't stop once he starts, he has been so drunk that he essentially passed out in a car, but most importantly he can't stop even when it's affecting his fertility and actually pouts when you are taking over trying to monitor his drinking for him.
Normal drinkers don't do that.
Please stop trying to minimize in hopes that you can get the response on here that you want. The first 2 pages reacted to your initial and most honest post, read those again.
Best of luck to you

[Anonymous]

Oh and I'm willing to bet good money that he's drinking more than you realize.

[Anonymous]

OP he is a functional alcoholic. Please seek counseling. Drinking whine bored?? That's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He drinks 1-2 nights on the weekend (1 night only lately), a 4 or 6 pack on each occasion (it is fancy high-proof beer, like 8% alcohol). I think that his actual consumption may be in the normal realm of male behavior, but what is troubling to me is that if there is alcohol in the house he will drink it until it's gone. It would be difficult for him to buy a bottle of wine and save it for more than a week. So he's not, like, drinking during the day, getting fired from work, etc. He can go out to dinner with me and not drink so that he drives us both home. But, like someone else said, there seems to be a voice in his head that tells him to "drink drink drink" whenever alcohol is in our house.

Drinking 1 -2 nights just isn't a big deal. I drink more than that. I'm a woman.

I agree. His ability to refrain without issue contradicts the OP. Drinking 1-2 nights a week and not every weekend night is not troubling behavior. Which is it OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best of luck seeking out some help for both you and your DH, OP.

I just wanted to add that skipping drinking during a 2-week IVF cycle is pointless. You are working with sperm produced 90 days ago, not during those 14 days. We have MFI issues, as well. DH saw what I was sacrificing for us to have a baby and didn't balk when I asked him to stop drinking prior to cycles and prepared him packs of multivitamins, vit C, vit D and Co-Q 10.

OP again... thanks for letting me know that your husband stopped drinking during your cycles. This is such an isolating process and it's hard to know what's normal. What makes me think my husband has a problem is that he DID change from briefs to boxers, takes all the special supplements daily without reminder, stopped taking baths, etc. And yet he can't stop drinking cold turkey. It's like he really wants to help but he just cannot stop doing this one thing.

Re: my RE, it's so hard for me to know whether my husband is really the problem or if the RE is just saying that because we're unexplained. DH's morph is 3%, motility 40%, but count is 140M. We've been off birth control for three years, not actively trying every month, but trying and failing for enough months that there seems to be a problem. We got pregnant a few months ago but miscarried during the first trimester (no heartbeat at first ultrasound). At first our RE was telling us we were both fine, and then when Clomid failed and I expressed interest in IVF and said that my husband was a bit of a heavy drinker - then the RE suddenly changed his tune and said we wouldn't be able to get pregnant with my husband's numbers without IVF. So I just don't know what to believe.

[Anonymous]

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