Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to everyone who shared advice and stories with me, particularly stories of dealing with alcoholic DHs or family members. They were tough for me to read, but I really needed a wake-up call. When I started this thread I mainly just wanted to vent, and deep down I hoped others would respond with "My husband drank throughout my IVF cycle, it's totally normal" or "My husband was a total lush but stopped drinking the moment our baby arrived." Thanks to everyone who gave me straight advice and real stories of drinking that went downhill, even though those stories are probably hard for you to share.
It is easy for me to rationalize my husband's drinking - "he's not drinking that much, he has a stressful job, he is competent and responsible at work and at home, I certainly love a good drink myself" - but the plain fact is that once he starts drinking he can't stop until he's drank himself to sleep, and I can't keep alcohol in the house because he'll drink it all. I just kept making excuses for him and pushing the deadline out - "he'll stop drinking when we do IUIs... strike that, he'll stop drinking when we do IVF, well crap... I'm sure he'll stop drinking after the baby is here." After reading your responses and stories, I now realize that it's very foolish and risky to think that he'll suddenly change after we have a baby.
We are taking your advice and are scheduled to start counseling next week. My husband thinks he can stop drinking without counseling but has agreed to see what the therapist says. We are putting further fertility treatments on the back-burner until we work through our issues and get on the same page about having a baby.
Thanks again for all of the good advice. I really needed to hear it.
Best wishes, OP!!
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