Has anyone's child "come out" but later realized they were straight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 15 yr DD recently came out as gay. We fully support her in whoever she is and chooses, however, I'm not sure if it's "real" or just a byproduct of going to a small, liberal, arts school where everyone seems to be bi, gay, transgender, pan, a, etc. We are very close, and I just never had the impression she was gay. However, with my sister for example, I suspected from a young age that she was. Curious if anyone has been through this and their child ended up hetero afterall?

It's real for now, that's what matters, not a hypothetical future. I wouldn't worry about it, just deal with new facts if they emerge.

Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Whatever happened to, "they were born this way," "who would choose to be gay," "they can't choose being gay any more than you can choose being straight," blah blah blah.

OP, sounds like your DD needs some real parental guidance. There is no way I'd let my 15 year old get mixed up with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Of course it's not true, and it never was true. It's all part of the gay agenda to force the culture down our throats and make us all accepting of it. Now they are just getting caught by trying to have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Of course it's not true, and it never was true. It's all part of the gay agenda to force the culture down our throats and make us all accepting of it. Now they are just getting caught by trying to have it both ways.

Trying to have what both ways? I don't ever understand this argument? Trying to have rights and legal protections regardless if someone makes a choice to be gay or if they feel it is 100% innate? What ways are "the gays" trying to have all at the same time?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Whatever happened to, "they were born this way," "who would choose to be gay," "they can't choose being gay any more than you can choose being straight," blah blah blah.

OP, sounds like your DD needs some real parental guidance. There is no way I'd let my 15 year old get mixed up with this.

What? The point is people are born oriented the way they are. Some people are gay, and totally gay. Some people are straight. Some people are bisexual. For some people, sexuality is fluid, and for others it is not so much. Most people are straight, or mostly straight. But there are plenty of straight people who have some homosexual attraction, but for all intensive purposes are straight (in straight relationships, almost exclusively sleep with the opposite sex). There are plenty of people who are self-defined as bisexual, but only have relationships with one sex or the other, however have sexual desires for the other sex. Human sexuality is highly individual, and is complicated!

As far as "letting your 15 year old get mixed up in this" people are who they are. You can't control how they are wired and what they are going to seek out to fufil romantic and sexual desires as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Whatever happened to, "they were born this way," "who would choose to be gay," "they can't choose being gay any more than you can choose being straight," blah blah blah.

OP, sounds like your DD needs some real parental guidance. There is no way I'd let my 15 year old get mixed up with this.

What? The point is people are born oriented the way they are. Some people are gay, and totally gay. Some people are straight. Some people are bisexual. For some people, sexuality is fluid, and for others it is not so much. Most people are straight, or mostly straight. But there are plenty of straight people who have some homosexual attraction, but for all intensive purposes are straight (in straight relationships, almost exclusively sleep with the opposite sex). There are plenty of people who are self-defined as bisexual, but only have relationships with one sex or the other, however have sexual desires for the other sex. Human sexuality is highly individual, and is complicated!

As far as "letting your 15 year old get mixed up in this" people are who they are. You can't control how they are wired and what they are going to seek out to fufil romantic and sexual desires as they get older.

Beautifully put.

[Anonymous]

You're probably going to get some mean responses so I'm glad I'm the first to weigh in. My SD could have gone to the same school as yours. Exact same scenario (except she came out as bi). Agreed that it makes no difference to me or her parents what her sexual orientation is. But I've known her since she was 11 (just starting to like boys, had crushes, asked me about boys ALL the time). In 9th grade she started at her new school where all her friends (and I do mean all) were either gay, bi, gender-fluid or pan sexual. Within a few weeks of hanging out with them she came out as bisexual.

She's mostly had boyfriends, a few girlfriends who seemed more like buddies to me than girlfriends (though it could just be that those girls were less physically affectionate in public with her than her boyfriends were). Anyway I know her pretty well and think she just really wanted to fit in and have a "tribe" in high school (she was bullied and didn't have a lot of friends in middle school). Again, either way it doesn't matter but I think when she goes off to college or after she graduates or whenever she ends up finding a life partner, it'll be a straight relationship.


OP here. This is our situation completely! I've heard her talk about boys for so long, this statement from her really through me for a loop. I wonder if it is the same school. Thanks for sharing your experience. We'll just continue to support her and see what happens.

So what? There are a lot of people who are for all intensive purposes straight (sleep with the opposite sex, have relationships with the opposite sex), who do have some bisexual leanings. I am married to a man, have only had boyfriends, and my one homosexual sexual encounter with a woman was in college. However, I am somewhat sexually attracted to women, even though I am not interested in pursuing relationships with them, and in most instances I would rather sleep with a man. Because socially, I am straight, that is how I identify. But someone else in my shoes might identify as bi due to that slight attraction to women.

[Anonymous]

For all intents and purposes.

Not intensive purposes.

(sorry, that drives me batty)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 15 yr DD recently came out as gay. We fully support her in whoever she is and chooses, however, I'm not sure if it's "real" or just a byproduct of going to a small, liberal, arts school where everyone seems to be bi, gay, transgender, pan, a, etc. We are very close, and I just never had the impression she was gay. However, with my sister for example, I suspected from a young age that she was. Curious if anyone has been through this and their child ended up hetero afterall?

You're probably going to get some mean responses so I'm glad I'm the first to weigh in. My SD could have gone to the same school as yours. Exact same scenario (except she came out as bi). Agreed that it makes no difference to me or her parents what her sexual orientation is. But I've known her since she was 11 (just starting to like boys, had crushes, asked me about boys ALL the time). In 9th grade she started at her new school where all her friends (and I do mean all) were either gay, bi, gender-fluid or pan sexual. Within a few weeks of hanging out with them she came out as bisexual.

She's mostly had boyfriends, a few girlfriends who seemed more like buddies to me than girlfriends (though it could just be that those girls were less physically affectionate in public with her than her boyfriends were). Anyway I know her pretty well and think she just really wanted to fit in and have a "tribe" in high school (she was bullied and didn't have a lot of friends in middle school). Again, either way it doesn't matter but I think when she goes off to college or after she graduates or whenever she ends up finding a life partner, it'll be a straight relationship.

OP here. This is our situation completely! I've heard her talk about boys for so long, this statement from her really through me for a loop. I wonder if it is the same school. Thanks for sharing your experience. We'll just continue to support her and see what happens.

NP here. You two sound just like my mother when I came out, and your daughters sound just like me when I was younger. I had "crushes" on boys because that was what I thought was expected/normal, but I had no real interest in them on a significant level. You might consider the fact that your kids are being honest with you now and felt that they had to put on a facade of being boy crazy earlier because that's what socially accepted.

I would encourage you to not tell your kids that you're "ok" with their sexuality but think they might actually be straight; that will only confuse them more and cause them to doubt themselves. I struggled with that a lot (not fitting into the stereotypical box of a lesbian) and my mother's constant doubts and questioning only made me engage in dangerous -- and not all that fun -- sexual escapades with both men and women as I tried to sort what I KNEW was true versus what she was telling me she KNEW I was, since mothers know best or whatever. Gay people don't all fit into a box, sexuality is fluid (more so for women than men) but if you're truly "ok with it," you wouldn't be on here looking for advice because you wouldn't have an issue in the first place. You need to admit that you're not ok with it and deal with that yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 15 yr DD recently came out as gay. We fully support her in whoever she is and chooses, however, I'm not sure if it's "real" or just a byproduct of going to a small, liberal, arts school where everyone seems to be bi, gay, transgender, pan, a, etc. We are very close, and I just never had the impression she was gay. However, with my sister for example, I suspected from a young age that she was. Curious if anyone has been through this and their child ended up hetero afterall?

It's real for now, that's what matters, not a hypothetical future. I wouldn't worry about it, just deal with new facts if they emerge.

Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Whatever happened to, "they were born this way," "who would choose to be gay," "they can't choose being gay any more than you can choose being straight," blah blah blah.

OP, sounds like your DD needs some real parental guidance. There is no way I'd let my 15 year old get mixed up with this.

They are born this way. For some people, that means born liking both men and women. For others, it means only liking one gender. For others, it means doing whatever they want to at the moment because it feels goods and/or they enjoy rubbing bits with randoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family was open and wouldn't have minded if my sister was lesbian or straight. She kept telling us in hs that she was a lesbian, but now in her 20's she's living with her boyfriend. Maybe that means she's bi. I'm not sure. I guess you just go with what the person tells you until told otherwise.

Exactly. I've posted this elsewhere so I'm sure some pps have seen this but my kid told us she was straight for years and then she decided she was gay, then bi, then gay, then bi. Meaning that when she told us she was a lesbian she was sure she had no interest in boys but then she would meet a boy that she wanted to date so she would reconsider. But then when she met her last girlfriend (they were together for a long time and talking marriage), she was sure for awhile that she was a lesbian. The latest she has told me is that she prefers girls but the occasional boy is attractive. And right now she's seriously dating a boy.

OP, I think it's unlikely that you're kid will be "straight" again, meaning a person who has no interest in same-sex relationships and doesn't see themselves as ever dating someone of the same sex. But it's possible your kid will end up with a spouse of the opposite sex. I've had friends who ended up doing that. I've also had friends who went the other way. Sometimes it takes awhile for people to sort things out.

[Anonymous]

I think that sexuality is pretty fluid especially adolescent sexuality and particularly that of adolescent females. I attended an all girls school and had a crush on a girl in my class for 4 years but I dated boys. 25 years later I still remember how hot and bothered I got staring at the back of her neck in assembly, but I prefer male partners.

[Anonymous]

When you provide too many options on the menu people have a hard time choosing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Uh, what is not a choice is the person to whom you are attracted to at any given moment.

For some people it is not a choice. For some people it is. It doesn't matter one way or another to me. Do you think gays shouldn't be allowed to marry each other because some people are bisexual?

[Anonymous]

I first mentioned the possibility of being lesbian when I was 12-ish. I really thought I was. I didn't realize it was okay to be attracted to both men and women. I came to terms with being bisexual in my mid-teens. It didn't ever go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Of course it's not true, and it never was true. It's all part of the gay agenda to force the culture down our throats and make us all accepting of it. Now they are just getting caught by trying to have it both ways.

Yep and Mildred and Richard Loving should never have gotten married to begin with because they could have chosen to fall in love with different people.