Has anyone's child "come out" but later realized they were straight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think the point is that bisexuals exist and sexuality isn't necessarily a binary thing.


And that there is a disconnect between how people think/feel and how they behave. Just because someone gets married to someone of the opposite gender doesn't make them straight. People can choose how to behave, but they have much less control over their own attractions. The "sexuality isn't a choice" is about the thoughts/feelings. What one has a choice about is how to act.

--signed, a straight-married bisexual

I think there's an important distinction and that's honesty. I think more people are bisexual than would likely admit, but I think there are a lot of people who would fall along the lines of being bisexual but having an opposite sex partner. Like you said, it doesn't make them straight. It may make them monogamous, but your partner could die or you could get a divorce and have a same sex partner next. That doesn't invalidate your previous relationship. That could be a true relationship based upon attraction. It isn't mutually exclusive because...the person is bisexual.

It's their truth. I think that is what children need in terms of understanding their sexuality. There's no truth but their own. You pick your own label. That's your truth.

And whoever you get with, they better not be a scrub. Male or female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's an old joke about how all the bi girls end up with guys, and all the bi guys end up with . . . Guys.
It's obviously an oversimplification, but in my experience with friends as acquaintances, there's some truth there.

This is totally non scientific but this "joke" confirms my experience with friends and family over many year. Men who identify as gay or bi in their teenage years end up in relationships with men as the get older. Women it seems are more fluid. About half end up in long-tern relationships with men and others
"stay" lesbians. Is it possible that male sexuality is less fluid than female sexuality.

Also is the school setting your describing a girls school or coed? Just curious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a family friend in high school that did this. His family took it a bit too far and sent him to a gay high school, which made it very difficult for him to deal with the fact that he wasn't gay. It hasn't been a hard life.

I have never heard of a "gay high school" Please tell me more. What is this schools name? Do they really not admit straight students? Isn't that discrimination?

[Anonymous]

There's an old joke about how all the bi girls end up with guys, and all the bi guys end up with . . . Guys.
It's obviously an oversimplification, but in my experience with friends as acquaintances, there's some truth there.


This is totally non scientific but this "joke" confirms my experience with friends and family over many year. Men who identify as gay or bi in their teenage years end up in relationships with men as the get older. Women it seems are more fluid. About half end up in long-tern relationships with men and others
"stay" lesbians. Is it possible that male sexuality is less fluid than female sexuality.

Also is the school setting your describing a girls school or coed? Just curious?

Actually, I think there are a metric ton of closeted bisexual men who either never publicly state their preference or engage in risky closet behavior. Your opinions are dangerous and contribute to the mentality that bisexuality doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think the point is that bisexuals exist and sexuality isn't necessarily a binary thing.


And that there is a disconnect between how people think/feel and how they behave. Just because someone gets married to someone of the opposite gender doesn't make them straight. People can choose how to behave, but they have much less control over their own attractions. The "sexuality isn't a choice" is about the thoughts/feelings. What one has a choice about is how to act.

--signed, a straight-married bisexual

I think there's an important distinction and that's honesty. I think more people are bisexual than would likely admit, but I think there are a lot of people who would fall along the lines of being bisexual but having an opposite sex partner. Like you said, it doesn't make them straight. It may make them monogamous, but your partner could die or you could get a divorce and have a same sex partner next. That doesn't invalidate your previous relationship. That could be a true relationship based upon attraction. It isn't mutually exclusive because...the person is bisexual.

It's their truth. I think that is what children need in terms of understanding their sexuality. There's no truth but their own. You pick your own label. That's your truth.

And whoever you get with, they better not be a scrub. Male or female.

pp here. Another factor is age. As adults who have generally made a monogamous choice (or a series of them) I think we tend to underestimate the teenage experience of this. They are really figuring it all out and trying to absorb the signals from all around them and inside them. That's why pro-LGBT people consider it important that teens know about the full range of possible sexuality, so they don't try and fit themselves into a mold that doesn't fit them, as was so common in earlier generations (seems less so now). To people unclear on the "choice" bit being just about behavior and not about the orientation, this looks like "turning kids gay." So misguided!

I wish such people would see it as making sure that kids are happy their whole lives, or as suicide prevention. What if we tried to make all kids be doctors or lawyers? That'd be a tremendous disservice to kids who didn't want to be either, and everyone knows it. So we provide career counseling to young people, to help them figure out who they are and what they want. This is not that different from my perspective. Kids need a chance to figure out who they are and what they want and I know that very few of my peers in HS and college did so sexually without experimenting. Even the straight boys kissed some boys now and then.

[Anonymous]

Well said, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a family friend in high school that did this. His family took it a bit too far and sent him to a gay high school, which made it very difficult for him to deal with the fact that he wasn't gay. It hasn't been a hard life.

I have never heard of a "gay high school" Please tell me more. What is this schools name? Do they really not admit straight students? Isn't that discrimination?

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Milk_High_School

[Anonymous]

I came out at 21. I knew that I liked women since I was in middle school. However, I met a guy year and a half ago that I care for a lot and I'm very sexually attracted to him. I definitely don't consider myself straight. As a matter of fact, he's probably the first guy who I've been attracted to in about 10 years. At the same time, I still have a thing for brunettes. So sexually is fluid for me.