Has anyone's child "come out" but later realized they were straight?

[Anonymous]

Question:

If your teenager came out as autosexual would that freak anyone out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question:

If your teenager came out as autosexual would that freak anyone out?

Every teenage boy on the planet is autosexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Shh, it's okay. The world is big and confusing if you're not too bright. You'll be okay, PP. Shh, there, there. Here's a pacifier and a Bible to hug. Aww...look at that, she fell right to sleep! She must have been all tuckered out from trying to so hard to think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

The problem is that if you look at the scale of human sexuality, aka Kinsey, it is estimated that only about 10-15% of the male population is truly/fully homosexual (5 or 6 on the Kinsey scale). These are men that exclusively had same sex relationships in the age range of 16-55 years. Approximately 20-25% had a fully bisexual status (roughly equal homosexual/heterosexual relationships or 3-4 on the Kinsey scale). Unfortunately, the difference between a 5 and a 4 can be blurry. There are some that largely identify as homosexual that are slightly bisexual. The numbers are approximately 5-10% for females having a 5-6 rating and 5-10% of females having a 3-4 rating.

OP's daughter may fall anywhere in the 4-6 range and still self-identify as gay. Yes, it's possible that she can come out later as bisexual. It is possible that she's only been attracted to girls that she has met and not to boys that she has met, but may later in life encounter a man that she is attracted to. That happens often with the bisexual. Sometimes they don't even know that they are bisexual until they encounter the one or two individuals later in life that they are attracted to that counter their previous sexual experiences. There are many people who believe that they are heterosexual, marry and have families, to later discover that they are attracted to someone of the same sex. Most people label these individuals as closeted homosexual, but for some, they really didn't know until they met the key person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 15 yr DD recently came out as gay. We fully support her in whoever she is and chooses, however, I'm not sure if it's "real" or just a byproduct of going to a small, liberal, arts school where everyone seems to be bi, gay, transgender, pan, a, etc. We are very close, and I just never had the impression she was gay. However, with my sister for example, I suspected from a young age that she was. Curious if anyone has been through this and their child ended up hetero afterall?

You're probably going to get some mean responses so I'm glad I'm the first to weigh in. My SD could have gone to the same school as yours. Exact same scenario (except she came out as bi). Agreed that it makes no difference to me or her parents what her sexual orientation is. But I've known her since she was 11 (just starting to like boys, had crushes, asked me about boys ALL the time). In 9th grade she started at her new school where all her friends (and I do mean all) were either gay, bi, gender-fluid or pan sexual. Within a few weeks of hanging out with them she came out as bisexual.

She's mostly had boyfriends, a few girlfriends who seemed more like buddies to me than girlfriends (though it could just be that those girls were less physically affectionate in public with her than her boyfriends were). Anyway I know her pretty well and think she just really wanted to fit in and have a "tribe" in high school (she was bullied and didn't have a lot of friends in middle school). Again, either way it doesn't matter but I think when she goes off to college or after she graduates or whenever she ends up finding a life partner, it'll be a straight relationship.

OP here. This is our situation completely! I've heard her talk about boys for so long, this statement from her really through me for a loop. I wonder if it is the same school. Thanks for sharing your experience. We'll just continue to support her and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexuality is fluid. Maybe she will start being attracted to men later, maybe not. Who cares? Don't suggest to her that she might "change her mind" later, but if she does, let her know that you love her no matter what.

I consider myself pretty liberal, but I would say "for some people, sexuality can be fluid". Most people's sexuality is not fluid.

I think a better word than fluid is "along a continuum" and that it does apply to most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Shh, it's okay. The world is big and confusing if you're not too bright. You'll be okay, PP. Shh, there, there. Here's a pacifier and a Bible to hug. Aww...look at that, she fell right to sleep! She must have been all tuckered out from trying to so hard to think.

Np here- Wow, you're awfully tolerant and accepting of others beliefs, aren't you? And nice job at stereotyping. You want to make jokes about people "trying so hard to think"? Go look at yourself. You think you're clever and funny, but you're an idiot. You're unable to think. You're full of hate and anger.

You think taking this type of approach is helping your cause? Do you think treating people this way is helping to make others become more open minded and accepting of others? Why don't you spend some time thinking before you come in here and vomit this stupidity all over the place.

Pp has a valid point, and you have nothing to add to the discussion but a bunch of hateful stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Shh, it's okay. The world is big and confusing if you're not too bright. You'll be okay, PP. Shh, there, there. Here's a pacifier and a Bible to hug. Aww...look at that, she fell right to sleep! She must have been all tuckered out from trying to so hard to think.

I'm an atheist and my post had nothing to do with religion. Nice bias though.

Thank you to the poster after you who was very informative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexuality is fluid. Maybe she will start being attracted to men later, maybe not. Who cares? Don't suggest to her that she might "change her mind" later, but if she does, let her know that you love her no matter what.

I consider myself pretty liberal, but I would say "for some people, sexuality can be fluid". Most people's sexuality is not fluid.

I think a better word than fluid is "along a continuum" and that it does apply to most people.

I absolutely agree with "along a continuum" but that is not what is being described in this thread. People are saying that sexuality is fluid as in it can change over time (at any time). That is what I disagree with (for the majority of people).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Shh, it's okay. The world is big and confusing if you're not too bright. You'll be okay, PP. Shh, there, there. Here's a pacifier and a Bible to hug. Aww...look at that, she fell right to sleep! She must have been all tuckered out from trying to so hard to think.

Exactly, try to have it both ways and then mock any logical disagreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 15 yr DD recently came out as gay. We fully support her in whoever she is and chooses, however, I'm not sure if it's "real" or just a byproduct of going to a small, liberal, arts school where everyone seems to be bi, gay, transgender, pan, a, etc. We are very close, and I just never had the impression she was gay. However, with my sister for example, I suspected from a young age that she was. Curious if anyone has been through this and their child ended up hetero afterall?

You're probably going to get some mean responses so I'm glad I'm the first to weigh in. My SD could have gone to the same school as yours. Exact same scenario (except she came out as bi). Agreed that it makes no difference to me or her parents what her sexual orientation is. But I've known her since she was 11 (just starting to like boys, had crushes, asked me about boys ALL the time). In 9th grade she started at her new school where all her friends (and I do mean all) were either gay, bi, gender-fluid or pan sexual. Within a few weeks of hanging out with them she came out as bisexual.

She's mostly had boyfriends, a few girlfriends who seemed more like buddies to me than girlfriends (though it could just be that those girls were less physically affectionate in public with her than her boyfriends were). Anyway I know her pretty well and think she just really wanted to fit in and have a "tribe" in high school (she was bullied and didn't have a lot of friends in middle school). Again, either way it doesn't matter but I think when she goes off to college or after she graduates or whenever she ends up finding a life partner, it'll be a straight relationship.

OP here. This is our situation completely! I've heard her talk about boys for so long, this statement from her really through me for a loop. I wonder if it is the same school. Thanks for sharing your experience. We'll just continue to support her and see what happens.

PP here. It's funny because sexuality is clearly a sensitive topic that needs to be handled with kindness and empathy and without judgment. I think what your daughter and my SD *maybe* are dealing with is less a matter of their sexuality being along a continuum or being fluid and more an issue of wanting to fit in and being in an environment where being gay/bi/trans/fluid/etc is cool. If it's the same school they probably have a big pride day (or maybe pride week?) and openly out faculty and a mission statement that embraces diversity. I think teens - particularly teens who have been bullied or had trouble making friends - need so badly to be accepted and have friends. I've met a lot of her friends and they ARE cool - her teachers, too. I'm not surprised she wanted to hang out with them. Here's the thing: their group of friends has exactly zero straight kids. Sounds like hyperbole, but it's true. Maybe she'd still have fit in with them if she hadn't come out as bi? Hard to say.

To be clear, again I have no skin in the game other than wanting her to be happy and have friends. I just think that she's probably straight, not even fluid with her sexuality. I just think she found a group she liked and wanted to fit in.

[Anonymous]

Today with all the openness and various identity options, I would view it as DC's reality for here and now and be as supportive as you can without making it seem that one identity is necessarily an open and shut case for a lifetime. Keep a certain flexibility at least with high school teens who may be in the moment or also just simply exploring on various levels their sexuality, relationships pure and simple or reactions to being hurt in a relationship. In all instances the importance of valuing oneself must always be stressed as paramount so as not to be taken advantage of, having respect for the decisions of other peers, treating others as you would like to be treated, understanding safe sex practices regardless of gender. It is important to establish family values, keep lines of communication open and indicate that you are always open to seeking professional help to support one if a DS or DD might benefit from it.

[Anonymous]

I think kids develop crushes on friends and consider themselves gay or bi. Many do it to fit in. My daughter is only 13 and she knows of 11 people in her circles that are gay or bi. That is about 40% of her friends. I call BS on that but we shall she.

[Anonymous]

OP, sexuality is fluid for some people. If she's gay now and straight later it doesn't mean she was "wrong" to think she's gay now. It means her attractions shifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

Shh, it's okay. The world is big and confusing if you're not too bright. You'll be okay, PP. Shh, there, there. Here's a pacifier and a Bible to hug. Aww...look at that, she fell right to sleep! She must have been all tuckered out from trying to so hard to think.

Np here- Wow, you're awfully tolerant and accepting of others beliefs, aren't you? And nice job at stereotyping. You want to make jokes about people "trying so hard to think"? Go look at yourself. You think you're clever and funny, but you're an idiot. You're unable to think. You're full of hate and anger.

You think taking this type of approach is helping your cause? Do you think treating people this way is helping to make others become more open minded and accepting of others? Why don't you spend some time thinking before you come in here and vomit this stupidity all over the place.

Pp has a valid point, and you have nothing to add to the discussion but a bunch of hateful stereotypes.

Oh no! Who forgot the white noise machine? She woke up so cranky! Tsk, tsk, thinking PP has a "valid point" while actually being hypocritically ignorant of the research, gosh, where's your lovey?