Has anyone's child "come out" but later realized they were straight?

[Anonymous]

Yeah. I've known folks who "experiment", think they got it, and later change their minds.

Don't care really. Your private life is private life and I don't care who you sleep with as long as its consensual.

[Anonymous]

There's an old joke about how all the bi girls end up with guys, and all the bi guys end up with . . . Guys.
It's obviously an oversimplification, but in my experience with friends as acquaintances, there's some truth there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. I've known folks who "experiment", think they got it, and later change their minds.

Don't care really. Your private life is private life and I don't care who you sleep with as long as its consensual.

This. 1000x this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So is it possible or not, that someone who wouldn't normally be gay in another situation, to then claim they were gay or think they were gay because they were surrounded by lots of gay people and felt it was desirable/cool or thought it was what they were "supposed to do"?

As multiple posters have already said, there is a continuum. It's not either/or -- either you are 100% straight and you identify as straight, or you are 100% gay and you identify as gay.

Would a woman who has a sexual/romantic interest in both men and women be more likely to identify as bi or lesbian if she were in an environment with lots of bi and lesbian people? That would make sense. Would she be more likely to identify as straight if she were in an environment with only straight people? That would also make sense. Would her actual sexual orientation be different, depending on her environment? No, her actual sexual orientation would be the same.

Oh, but my dear PP, that is not what we have been told ad nauseum by the Gay Lobby for so long now. No, first you wanted us to believe that people are "born gay," or "born straight" -- that it is as much a part of their being as curly hair or brown eyes -- and no one can possibly be expected to change their sexual "orientation," (or is it now, sexual "preference" ?) in any way. So you must forgive us less enlightened ones who simply do not understand and remain so, so confused. We await the next Great Explanation.

I understand why PPs like this are confused. If all you know if non-straight sexuality is from the media conversation, it is hard to wrap your head around bisexuality. As a bisexual, I have not at all felt included by the dominant conversation PPs like this are talking about. Being bisexual is not a choice which is what makes it hard. If one of your attractions is fairly weak, y

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small liberal arts college in NY in the 1990's. I had 4 friends who identified as lesbian, only dated women and were very active in the LGBT groups.

All 4 are married to men and have children now (in our late 30's).

So obviously I do think a lot of this is finding identify, finding a group, finding a cause. I think it is a huge disservice to those that are truly gay (I don't know how else to say it?) but wouldn't know for sure obviously if that is an issue or not

Do they now think of themselves as straight?

Also, what does "truly gay" mean, and who decides? Do you think that your college friends were fakely gay?

Isn't the answer to your last question obvious? Of course they were.

I have friends who are women who identified as lesbian in college and had relationships with women. Many of them are now married to (or divorced from) men. If you only knew them now, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

I also have friends who are men who had relationships with men in college (although did not identify as gay). All of them are now married to (or divorced from) women. If you only knew them now, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

I also have friends who are women who used to be married to men and are now married to women, as well as friends who are men who used to be married to women and are not married to men. If you only knew them then, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

I am a woman who is married to a man and has only ever had relationships with men. But there are definitely women I find sexually attractive. Am I straight?

I'm sorry this is so hard for you to understand. Yes, honey, you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So is it possible or not, that someone who wouldn't normally be gay in another situation, to then claim they were gay or think they were gay because they were surrounded by lots of gay people and felt it was desirable/cool or thought it was what they were "supposed to do"?

As multiple posters have already said, there is a continuum. It's not either/or -- either you are 100% straight and you identify as straight, or you are 100% gay and you identify as gay.

Would a woman who has a sexual/romantic interest in both men and women be more likely to identify as bi or lesbian if she were in an environment with lots of bi and lesbian people? That would make sense. Would she be more likely to identify as straight if she were in an environment with only straight people? That would also make sense. Would her actual sexual orientation be different, depending on her environment? No, her actual sexual orientation would be the same.

Oh, but my dear PP, that is not what we have been told ad nauseum by the Gay Lobby for so long now. No, first you wanted us to believe that people are "born gay," or "born straight" -- that it is as much a part of their being as curly hair or brown eyes -- and no one can possibly be expected to change their sexual "orientation," (or is it now, sexual "preference" ?) in any way. So you must forgive us less enlightened ones who simply do not understand and remain so, so confused. We await the next Great Explanation.

I understand why PPs like this are confused. If all you know if non-straight sexuality is from the media conversation, it is hard to wrap your head around bisexuality. As a bisexual, I have not at all felt included by the dominant conversation PPs like this are talking about. Being bisexual is not a choice which is what makes it hard. If one of your attractions is fairly weak, y

Oops

...you can pretend it doesn't exist and live a reasonably happy life. If they're both pretty strong, it's a lot harder to know, for example, whether you are unhappy in a relationship for a fixable or nonfixable reason.

These are conversations that many people are familiar with if they or their friends are living them, but as PPs indicate, it makes no sense to them because they don't know enough people who have struggled w their sexuality in this way. Bisexuality is sexuality 201. All they know is the simplified arguments being had about whether or not gays do or should exist, which is either sexuality 101 or remedial sexuality. I don't feel that the larger conversation should be about issues like mine when so many are still so unclear on the basics...but it does lead to misunderstandings like those from PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have friends who are women who identified as lesbian in college and had relationships with women. Many of them are now married to (or divorced from) men. If you only knew them now, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

I also have friends who are men who had relationships with men in college (although did not identify as gay). All of them are now married to (or divorced from) women. If you only knew them now, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

I also have friends who are women who used to be married to men and are now married to women, as well as friends who are men who used to be married to women and are not married to men. If you only knew them then, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

I am a woman who is married to a man and has only ever had relationships with men. But there are definitely women I find sexually attractive. Am I straight?

I'm sorry this is so hard for you to understand. Yes, honey, you are.

How about all those other people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused by this thread. It's seems contrary to the message we've been getting from the gay community for years. Namely that being gay is not a choice, a person is born gay or not, and external factors cannot influence gayness or "turn someone gay".

That doesn't seem to be true though in light of this discussion.

I view it this way: I'm attracted to what is between a person's ears, not the legs. It's entirely possible that the teens are exploring who and what they are; the same can be said of many adults. This discussion can come across as making it seem like a choice, but it's not. Who you are is a product of genetics and experience, and because experience evolves, you evolve. Teens are dealing with crazy hormones, peers that are frequently more important to them than parents and tough decisions about who they will be and what they will do with their lives. Sexuality is very fluid for some, somewhat for others, other teens may be absolutely certain. It doesn't matter though, all that matters is that the person is accepted for who they are, not who others want them to be.

[Anonymous]

I know a girl from hs who dated a couple guys in his. Then had a several year long relationship in college with a woman and was very openly gay. She then got married to some guy and they have a new baby together.

[Anonymous]

I think this has been addressed, but it comes down to this: pretty I up everyitng in life is on a bell curve or continuum.

I'm about as right handed as right handed can be. When I took college psychology, we did some quick about handed ness. I fall into the tiniest percentile of exclusive.y right handed people. Meaning, I could have a fish as my left hand and do just fine. So, clearly, I'm right handed.

My DH, writes and uses scissors right handed, but bats and golfs as a left handed. By the usual markers, he's right handed and identifies as such. But really, he's ambidextrous under certain circumstance. But there's really nothing for ambidextrous people, is there? So for all intents and purposes, he's right handed.

Now me, I find what's between a persons ears as exciting as what's between their legs equally exciting. I've had sexual encounters with both sexes, but only relationships with men. And so, I identify myself as straight. Just like DH fits the right handed and could easily slide into doing something with his left, I could slide into another role should the opportunity presents itself.

The problem is, everyone feels the need to identify their sexuality, when the truth is, most fall somewhere on the continuum/ bell curve.

So, I'd say : let it slide. Few people actually "fit" their identify either way, and it can be transient through life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, gay people aren't influencing otherwise straight people to "turn gay." When More people come out and are publicly out and proud, it encourages the closet cases COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. whether or not they would have told you that they were gay doesn't change the fact that they were, indeed, gay before they let you in on their secret.

They absolutely are! Especially teen girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, gay people aren't influencing otherwise straight people to "turn gay." When More people come out and are publicly out and proud, it encourages the closet cases COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. whether or not they would have told you that they were gay doesn't change the fact that they were, indeed, gay before they let you in on their secret.

They absolutely are! Especially teen girls.

How do you turn a straight person gay? I find this idea particularly baffling, since it's not possible to turn a gay person straight. Are straight people more malleable and influenced by peer pressure than gay people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, gay people aren't influencing otherwise straight people to "turn gay." When More people come out and are publicly out and proud, it encourages the closet cases COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. whether or not they would have told you that they were gay doesn't change the fact that they were, indeed, gay before they let you in on their secret.

They absolutely are! Especially teen girls.

How do you turn a straight person gay? I find this idea particularly baffling, since it's not possible to turn a gay person straight. Are straight people more malleable and influenced by peer pressure than gay people?

Of course it is.

Homosexuality (the feeling) is, at its root, a psychological disturbance. It may be wired into the emotional pattern from birth, but most often the result of sexual or other trauma experienced somewhere in life. The sexual actions themselves can be done anytime by anyone. When young teens think it is cool and fine to experiment sexually with anyone, anytime, there is no restrictive limit their actions. So they do whatever.

The consequences of this down the road is anyone's guess, of course, but in practical terms, that's how it all happens.

[Anonymous]

I have a cousin who came out when she was 17. She lived with a women for about 2-3 years, then ended up marrying a man. They've now been married about 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Of course it is.

Homosexuality (the feeling) is, at its root, a psychological disturbance. It may be wired into the emotional pattern from birth, but most often the result of sexual or other trauma experienced somewhere in life. The sexual actions themselves can be done anytime by anyone. When young teens think it is cool and fine to experiment sexually with anyone, anytime, there is no restrictive limit their actions. So they do whatever.

The consequences of this down the road is anyone's guess, of course, but in practical terms, that's how it all happens.

Uh, no. That's not true. Care to use a source? And conservative think tanks aren't sources.