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Reply to "Someone lied about a position DS had - she got in, DS didn't. Appropriate to tell school?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a Catholic, but I still believe in a rule of karma.  If this girl is a liar, then her day will eventually come.

However, if your son upsets the balance in her life,  then one day someone will equally upset his.

If you really feel that you must intervene, then here is a more mature (and less karma upsetting) solution.

Have your son approach his classmate and politely say, "I read your resume on the website, and you appear to have mistakenly and in error listed X position as one you hold when, in fact, you and I both know that I hold X position.  I would appreciate it if you would change your mistake."

He might follow up, as guidance, "employers sometimes let people go who include such mistakes on their resumes."  She will get the message loud and clear, but your son won't be responsible for having her admissions rescinded (which he might feel guilty about in the long run).[/quote]

I suggested this approach.

Yes, I do think that a high school senior, going off to an elite (or really any) university next year, should be mature enough to approach another individual person-to-person to discuss an issue that they might have with them.  Believe me, if he takes her aside and to task, she will be mortified by having her transgression caught, and she won't be telling anyone else in the class about it.  (By the time he was in eighth grade, I had already told my son that if he had an issue with scheduling, grades, conflicts, commitments, then it was his responsibility to contact the other individual directly (or by email) to sort it out -- not mine.)

My problem with going to the college anonymously is two-fold.  First, it teaches your son that handling problems through anonymous emails, or messages, is a good approach, which it generally is not.  Second, it reflects badly on future applicants from your school.  First, because the school's applicants seemingly exaggerate their credentials and qualifications.  And second, because the school's students (and they will know this came from a classmate) are the type to undercut each other anonymously.  The university will, like me, ask themselves why your school's students do not possess the maturity to handle this personally amongst themselves.

Finally, whenever I am thinking of doing something which causes me to question my own judgment, I turn to one if my sisters to ask WWYD?  If you and your son really think that it is a good idea to anonymously contact a university to report another student's transgression, then why not have your son ask a trusted advisor or counselor at his school WWYD?  If he cannot even bring himself to do so (discuss the plan with a counselor), then he probably should not bring himself to do so (anonymously report it to the college).[/quote]

I have enjoyed the OP's post and the elicited responses.  It one of those old-fashioned ethical and moral questions to ponder, and I have enjoyed thinking it through on this contemplative Palm Sunday.

I posted all of the above, and have one more thing to add.  When discussing this with your son, ask him and yourself honestly, "what do we want to be the desired outcome for ourselves and for this girl here?"

Is your son's desired outcome simply an acknowledgement of the lie and rehabilitation for the girl?  If so, your son should speak to "Jane" directly -- or request a meeting with the girl and a high school counselor -- in which he can point out her "mistake" (i.e., lie), discuss how the lie possibly hurt him (it may have cost him admission to the same elite college that admitted her), and request an immediate correction to her resume.  Hopefully, being caught in a flagrant lie about her credentials will teach her never to do that again.  I would also hope that she sincerely apologizes to your son.

Or is one of your son's goals also retribution against the girl?  If he submits an anonymous letter to the college, that girl may have her admission rescinded.  Is that a desired outcome for him?

Finally, I will offer this example.  Last year my son was one of three seniors who has written for the school paper for all four years.  The other two seniors were promoted to EIC, but my son was kept as a section editor.  All three of them applied to the same elite college.  My son and one EIC were admitted, but the other EIC was not.  We are assuming that the girl used her classmate's title in her college admission (a valid assumption, she may very well have), but we are also assuming that the title was the thing that made the difference in his rejection and her admission (maybe not).[/quote]

The girl doesn't care. My guess is if OP's son spoke to the girl, she would simply get mad at OP's son. She knows what she did, did it deliberately, and will be offensive. Ten to one she'll be all about the 'stalking' then (which it isn't btw) and the school could turn it on her kid. There are times when the adults need to stand with their kid, to ensure the tale doesn't get twisted. This is one of them. And OP, screenshot the lie if you haven't already!

Whether it cost her son admission is a red herring. Her lie cost SOMEONE admission, and that's flat-out wrong.

[/quote]

Then have your son bring one of his trusted school advisors or college counselors into the process.  Request first a meeting with the school counselor in which your son explains the issue, shows the counselor the suspect resume, mentions how it has hurt the admissions process, discuss the options together.  He can also request that the school not identify him as the source of the information.  At this point the issue is in the school's hands.  They will certainly, at a minimum, call the girl in to discuss the lie, explain the consequences to her, and demand that she correct the lie on her resume.

Perhaps it is best to let your school handle the problem.  I guarantee you that knowing that the school knows about her lie, will rehabilitate this young woman straight.[/quote]

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