on a romantic weekend... not going well

[Anonymous]

There's a lot to say for circumstance. Did he say he was 'meeting folks from class' and she assumed it was studying or group work? He may not have omitted it and just didn't think details were important. Once a week with young kids is a bit much, especially if she doesn't have that opportunity. I think it's oversight than slighting though. If she never said 'I'm going to grab drinks with x, y and z, you got the kids?', he might assume she's not interested in doing that rather and is choosing to be home with the kids instead to seeing friends.

So I would talk about it since it sounds like that wasn't done before, you'd be surprised at how much is assumed that are incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I'd be mad too if my husand got a chance to regularly socialize kid free and I didn't. When I could have used help at home.

I worry about your description of yourself though, like you are trying to prove you are worthy of fidelity. Or are you just putting it out there for context? Because if you doubt your worth, I'd try to get tithe bottom of that, too.

And I'd tell him he should have been up front from the get go, and it's hurtful that he was t. My husband goes to office parties but I hear about it that day. I don't think twice about it.

I was just putting I out there for context. In the sense that I haven't let myself go to hell, and I work hard for the well being of our romance. I try to keep it fresh and fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was wrong for lying. That said, I wonder if he didn't tell you because he knew you're not the type of person who would be receptive to it.

That's still self serving. The message is: husband hides behavior to avoid input from wife because possibly she's not "receptive." Instead of acting like adults discussing possible different points of view, he sneaks around because she can't handle it. Really? He's in graduate school? That makes him sound like a teenager. It's the opposite of being an adult and taking responsibility for your choices, character, and actions. And it blames the spouse for his lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to say for circumstance. Did he say he was 'meeting folks from class' and she assumed it was studying or group work? He may not have omitted it and just didn't think details were important. Once a week with young kids is a bit much, especially if she doesn't have that opportunity. I think it's oversight than slighting though. If she never said 'I'm going to grab drinks with x, y and z, you got the kids?', he might assume she's not interested in doing that rather and is choosing to be home with the kids instead to seeing friends.

So I would talk about it since it sounds like that wasn't done before, you'd be surprised at how much is assumed that are incorrect.

He has admitted to 1) omitting it and 2) downplaying it.

What happened is that someone mentioned what time the classes ended and I was blindsided... Did the math based on what time he was getting home, and it left me speechless. It was 6-8 hours. That is basically socializing like you are 27 and have no greater responsibilities than going out and blowing off steam, even if half of the time involved talking about school stuff. Who cares what he was talking about. Unless that is directly invested time into something that either pays our bills or has a direct positive impact on our life as a family, ,no married man should be out for the equivalent of a business day.

If you don't have young kids, no way you are understanding this.

[Anonymous]

Thanks dcum... You have made me feel so much better that I think I can actually relax and enjoy the time away. Especially looking forward to some newfound time out with girlfriends. Thinking an evening yoga or spinning class! Excited!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to say for circumstance. Did he say he was 'meeting folks from class' and she assumed it was studying or group work? He may not have omitted it and just didn't think details were important. Once a week with young kids is a bit much, especially if she doesn't have that opportunity. I think it's oversight than slighting though. If she never said 'I'm going to grab drinks with x, y and z, you got the kids?', he might assume she's not interested in doing that rather and is choosing to be home with the kids instead to seeing friends.

So I would talk about it since it sounds like that wasn't done before, you'd be surprised at how much is assumed that are incorrect.

He has admitted to 1) omitting it and 2) downplaying it.

What happened is that someone mentioned what time the classes ended and I was blindsided... Did the math based on what time he was getting home, and it left me speechless. It was 6-8 hours. That is basically socializing like you are 27 and have no greater responsibilities than going out and blowing off steam, even if half of the time involved talking about school stuff. Who cares what he was talking about. Unless that is directly invested time into something that either pays our bills or has a direct positive impact on our life as a family, ,no married man should be out for the equivalent of a business day.

If you don't have young kids, no way you are understanding this.

He was staying out drinking at a bar for 6 to 8 hours once a week? O.k. that would tick me off, too. I was thinking that he was dropping by a bar for happy hour to have a drink or two, some appetizers and talk with his study group but it sounds like he was out until late at night?

[Anonymous]

Don't ruin your romantic getaway on this. Have sex. Enjoy him for him, have fun, then bring all this shit out later. Not on the getaway, because if he is even remotely finding fault with you in his head, you're solidifying it now. This is a romantic getaway, act like it!

[Anonymous]

You have a household income of $270k per year and you're on a "super tight budget?" Also, even without a wife and kids, I don't know how you can hold down a $150k/year job, go to grad school, and still have a block of time where you can spend half a day drinking each week.

[Anonymous]

He probably hasn't cheated, but he no doubt has that itch . . . I'd keep my eyes open. So sorry you are dealing with an immature douche.

[Anonymous]

Why is it that fathers taking care of their own kids is babysitting? Like it's some form of Middle Ages torture and they're doing everyone an enormous favor......just saying.

Parenting three small children when both parents work and one goes to school has to be stressful on everyone. Sending Good wishes to your family, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a household income of $270k per year and you're on a "super tight budget?" Also, even without a wife and kids, I don't know how you can hold down a $150k/year job, go to grad school, and still have a block of time where you can spend half a day drinking each week.

Haha massive student loans for both of us, a recent mortgage ( not a great deal) and school costs for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should also mention that I am attractive and love having sex. I love cooking for him, and I keep a clean house. I am well respected iny field and earn just under him, about 120 k to his 150k. I can be forgetful and disorganized about pur personal life ( last minute birthday presents kind of thing) but I always pull through and with good spirit. I think I am a good catch. I am spirited and love to have fun. My friendships are long, many friends over known for over a two decades, and very jovial.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't ruin your romantic getaway on this. Have sex. Enjoy him for him, have fun, then bring all this shit out later. Not on the getaway, because if he is even remotely finding fault with you in his head, you're solidifying it now. This is a romantic getaway, act like it!

NP- I can't have sex when I'm furious

[Anonymous]

How did you find out?

By his own accord or did you find out some other way?

I understand you must feel bitter right now. Betrayed as well. Do you feel like he cheated on you with these younger women?

[Anonymous]

What's a troll? Sorry for being ignorant.