Men what are/were you looking for in a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm stumped. Help me out here, when you found or were looking for the one what mattered most?

I'm a good girl, laid back, love to laugh. Travel, have a solid career that isn't all-consuming, educated. Love sex, cook, and can get into any fun pursuit. I struggle to find men that want a real relationship. Most seem to want to party and have fun but not into commitment. Any advice?

Are you thin?

Ha! Thin, no. In shape, yes. I've fallen into to the I'll-say-anything-to-get her in bed trap. No I don't sleep with men without a commitment. I'm not talking about boyfriend-commitment, I'm talking about marriage.

You won't have sex before a marriage commitment? You might as well take up cats.

Hahaha nooooo. Where did I say I didn't have sex before marriage? I like sex, a lot. Probably have a higher sex drive than most men I've been with.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I appreciate the few genuine posts from men, keep it coming!

[Anonymous]

I am a married SAHM and my DH thinks that I am the best DW anyone could have.

The truth is that while I am reasonably attractive, reasonably in shape, educated, social, and less than ok housewife but a better than average mom - there are many women who are better than me in all the above categories.

I know that the reason he loves me is - I am quite laid back, drama free, low maintenance, not a nag or critical of DH, find humor in most situations, do not sweat the small stuff and love to have sex with him. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm stumped. Help me out here, when you found or were looking for the one what mattered most?

I'm a good girl, laid back, love to laugh. Travel, have a solid career that isn't all-consuming, educated. Love sex, cook, and can get into any fun pursuit. I struggle to find men that want a real relationship. Most seem to want to party and have fun but not into commitment. Any advice?

Are you thin?

Ha! Thin, no. In shape, yes. I've fallen into to the I'll-say-anything-to-get her in bed trap. No I don't sleep with men without a commitment. I'm not talking about boyfriend-commitment, I'm talking about marriage.

If you don't sleep with anyone outside of marriage, how would the men know/believe that you love sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a married SAHM and my DH thinks that I am the best DW anyone could have.

The truth is that while I am reasonably attractive, reasonably in shape, educated, social, and less than ok housewife but a better than average mom - there are many women who are better than me in all the above categories.

I know that the reason he loves me is - I am quite laid back, drama free, low maintenance, not a nag or critical of DH, find humor in most situations, do not sweat the small stuff and love to have sex with him. That's it.

Sounds like he would be with anyone who spread their legs and didnt cause trouble. Not exactly a catch...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a married SAHM and my DH thinks that I am the best DW anyone could have.

The truth is that while I am reasonably attractive, reasonably in shape, educated, social, and less than ok housewife but a better than average mom - there are many women who are better than me in all the above categories.

I know that the reason he loves me is - I am quite laid back, drama free, low maintenance, not a nag or critical of DH, find humor in most situations, do not sweat the small stuff and love to have sex with him. That's it.

Sounds like he would be with anyone who spread their legs and didnt cause trouble. Not exactly a catch...

I'm not the PP but seriously? wtf is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

OP- why have your past boyfriends broken up with you? If there is a pattern? If so it's either a trait you have or the 'type you go for. Your trait may or may not be changeable so you're going to have to examine your type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm stumped. Help me out here, when you found or were looking for the one what mattered most?

I'm a good girl, laid back, love to laugh. Travel, have a solid career that isn't all-consuming, educated. Love sex, cook, and can get into any fun pursuit. I struggle to find men that want a real relationship. Most seem to want to party and have fun but not into commitment. Any advice?

Are you thin?

Ha! Thin, no. In shape, yes. I've fallen into to the I'll-say-anything-to-get her in bed trap. No I don't sleep with men without a commitment. I'm not talking about boyfriend-commitment, I'm talking about marriage.

If you don't sleep with anyone outside of marriage, how would the men know/believe that you love sex?

I sleep with my boyfriends, but do not hook up randomly guess that wasn't clear.

Something that bothers me is that nearly every guy I've been with and even ones that I haven't been with tell me how lucky someone would be with me that I'm a great catch, etc. The last guy dumped me saying I was too good for him. I don't want to be unapproachable. Maybe I scare off the non serious ones too late in the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a married SAHM and my DH thinks that I am the best DW anyone could have.

The truth is that while I am reasonably attractive, reasonably in shape, educated, social, and less than ok housewife but a better than average mom - there are many women who are better than me in all the above categories.

I know that the reason he loves me is - I am quite laid back, drama free, low maintenance, not a nag or critical of DH, find humor in most situations, do not sweat the small stuff and love to have sex with him. That's it.

Sounds like he would be with anyone who spread their legs and didnt cause trouble. Not exactly a catch...

I'm not the PP but seriously? wtf is wrong with you?

NP here. Being anonymously mean to a thoughtful person? For what? How fucking miserable is your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- why have your past boyfriends broken up with you? If there is a pattern? If so it's either a trait you have or the 'type you go for. Your trait may or may not be changeable so you're going to have to examine your type.

To be fair, I've only been dumped twice. But ended up in two 5 year relationships that where the guy would not commit. I've become very clear about my desire to be in a serious relationship but still ended up with someone that talked game and wasn't truly ready for commitment. Fortunately he left quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm stumped. Help me out here, when you found or were looking for the one what mattered most?

I'm a good girl, laid back, love to laugh. Travel, have a solid career that isn't all-consuming, educated. Love sex, cook, and can get into any fun pursuit. I struggle to find men that want a real relationship. Most seem to want to party and have fun but not into commitment. Any advice?

Are you thin?

Ha! Thin, no. In shape, yes. I've fallen into to the I'll-say-anything-to-get her in bed trap. No I don't sleep with men without a commitment. I'm not talking about boyfriend-commitment, I'm talking about marriage.

If you don't sleep with anyone outside of marriage, how would the men know/believe that you love sex?

I sleep with my boyfriends, but do not hook up randomly guess that wasn't clear.

Something that bothers me is that nearly every guy I've been with and even ones that I haven't been with tell me how lucky someone would be with me that I'm a great catch, etc. The last guy dumped me saying I was too good for him. I don't want to be unapproachable. Maybe I scare off the non serious ones too late in the game.

How have you felt about these guys? Were you really into them, or were you kind of lukewarm about them and trying to make it work? I say that because the 'you're too good for me' breakup line is pretty generic and in my experience I've found it to mean that something just isn't clicking for the person, but they can't put their finger on it, so they say that because they just don't know what else to say.
Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, likely means you and these guys aren't as compatible as you think, and they see it before you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm stumped. Help me out here, when you found or were looking for the one what mattered most?

I'm a good girl, laid back, love to laugh. Travel, have a solid career that isn't all-consuming, educated. Love sex, cook, and can get into any fun pursuit. I struggle to find men that want a real relationship. Most seem to want to party and have fun but not into commitment. Any advice?

Are you thin?

Ha! Thin, no. In shape, yes. I've fallen into to the I'll-say-anything-to-get her in bed trap. No I don't sleep with men without a commitment. I'm not talking about boyfriend-commitment, I'm talking about marriage.

If you don't sleep with anyone outside of marriage, how would the men know/believe that you love sex?

I sleep with my boyfriends, but do not hook up randomly guess that wasn't clear.

Something that bothers me is that nearly every guy I've been with and even ones that I haven't been with tell me how lucky someone would be with me that I'm a great catch, etc. The last guy dumped me saying I was too good for him. I don't want to be unapproachable. Maybe I scare off the non serious ones too late in the game.

How have you felt about these guys? Were you really into them, or were you kind of lukewarm about them and trying to make it work? I say that because the 'you're too good for me' breakup line is pretty generic and in my experience I've found it to mean that something just isn't clicking for the person, but they can't put their finger on it, so they say that because they just don't know what else to say.
Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, likely means you and these guys aren't as compatible as you think, and they see it before you do.

The guy that said that was ultimately right in the sense that he was pretending to be someone he's not. I didn't know until after we broke up and I began to see the real him. That sucked. I fell for the guy I thought he was not knowing what was behind it all. I have a very adaptable personality so I can make friends with virtually anyone. I've found few people - men or women (2) - who are very similar to me. I don't require that in a mate, but maybe that is why I have a though time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Something that bothers me is that nearly every guy I've been with and even ones that I haven't been with tell me how lucky someone would be with me that I'm a great catch, etc. The last guy dumped me saying I was too good for him. I don't want to be unapproachable. Maybe I scare off the non serious ones too late in the game.

Guy here. Those are the things we say to women when breaking up - i.e., "It's not you, it's me." We don't want to be the bad guy when breaking up with you, so we say things like that.

No guy actually dumps a woman because he thinks she's "too good for him." To the extent a guy recognizes that the woman he's dating is out of his league (and for many guys that recognition is unlikely) it will simply be a point of pride for him, not something that causes him to dump her.

So:


("The only consistent feature of all your dysfunctional relationships is you.")

The point of that is not to blame you, but to get you to ask what is consistent about the choices you're making about guys? If the guys you're choosing aren't making the commitment, then you're choosing the wrong guys.

There are guys who are interested in getting married, and some of them are interested in marrying you. The question is whether the Venn diagram of that set and the set of guys you're interested in actually intersect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Something that bothers me is that nearly every guy I've been with and even ones that I haven't been with tell me how lucky someone would be with me that I'm a great catch, etc. The last guy dumped me saying I was too good for him. I don't want to be unapproachable. Maybe I scare off the non serious ones too late in the game.

Guy here. Those are the things we say to women when breaking up - i.e., "It's not you, it's me." We don't want to be the bad guy when breaking up with you, so we say things like that.

No guy actually dumps a woman because he thinks she's "too good for him." To the extent a guy recognizes that the woman he's dating is out of his league (and for many guys that recognition is unlikely) it will simply be a point of pride for him, not something that causes him to dump her.

So:


("The only consistent feature of all your dysfunctional relationships is you.")

The point of that is not to blame you, but to get you to ask what is consistent about the choices you're making about guys? If the guys you're choosing aren't making the commitment, then you're choosing the wrong guys.

There are guys who are interested in getting married, and some of them are interested in marrying you. The question is whether the Venn diagram of that set and the set of guys you're interested in actually intersect.

To be fair, I was dumped twice in the last 14 years of dating. That being said, I completely take responsibility for choosing men that were good enough fits but not great ones. I should have ended both relationships much sooner than I did. I tend to try to work at a relationship rather than cut my losses. I'm trying to now find a better match and not getting attached too quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a married SAHM and my DH thinks that I am the best DW anyone could have.

The truth is that while I am reasonably attractive, reasonably in shape, educated, social, and less than ok housewife but a better than average mom - there are many women who are better than me in all the above categories.

I know that the reason he loves me is - I am quite laid back, drama free, low maintenance, not a nag or critical of DH, find humor in most situations, do not sweat the small stuff and love to have sex with him. That's it.

Sounds like he would be with anyone who spread their legs and didnt cause trouble. Not exactly a catch...

I'm not the PP but seriously? wtf is wrong with you?

If (P)PP its a he, has run out of Penthouse to take care of himself while his harem awaits.
If a she, apparently she does not like sex, is a nag and causes trouble.