Survey: Did your parents use corporal punishment?

[Anonymous]

My bro, sis and I were spanked by mom and they were spanked by their dad (my step-dad). Mom would go open hand generally, but if it was something really bad she would break out her dad's frat paddle (or a belt, hairbrush, wooden spoon). I don't remember being spanked very many times, but my little brother and sister got spanked pretty frequently. We also got our mouths washed out with dish soap for swearing.

I'm 31 and I grew up in CT.

My DD is only 7 months old, so DH (who was also spanked once in a while) and I haven't confronted the to-spank-or-not-to-spank dilemma yet, but when I read these threads I'm surprised that so many people have such a strong reaction to hearing that people got spanked. Maybe it's a temperament thing, but my DH and I both come from families of three children. All six of us were spanked at some point or another. All six of us excelled in school, including college and grad school (where career appropriate), none of us ever got into any serious trouble, and most importantly, we all feel that we grew up in warm, safe, loving homes with parents who cared about us deeply and made huge sacrifices so that we could get to where we all are now. I'm not saying everyone should spank, or even that spanking is good or right, but I do think it's a little dramatic to act like every kid that was spanked is a trauma victim.

[Anonymous]

Yes to spanking and soap. 32, az, lower middle class and abusive in every way possible. Couldn't run far enough away after I turned 18.

[Anonymous]

^^and would never think of laying a finger on my child

[Anonymous]

"when I read these threads I'm surprised that so many people have such a strong reaction to hearing that people got spanked. Maybe it's a temperament thing, but my DH and I both come from families of three children. All six of us were spanked at some point or another. All six of us excelled in school, including college and grad school (where career appropriate), none of us ever got into any serious trouble, and most importantly, we all feel that we grew up in warm, safe, loving homes with parents who cared about us deeply and made huge sacrifices so that we could get to where we all are now. I'm not saying everyone should spank, or even that spanking is good or right, but I do think it's a little dramatic to act like every kid that was spanked is a trauma victim "

I am 50 years old and second in sibling order out of four, and we were all spanked with the hand and the belt. We also got the paddle and detention in Catholic school. Two of us are attorneys (top 10 schools), one is a successful businessman, the last is an IT professional. I don't remember being traumatized at all by the spankings that were typically administered by my dad. We had to wait in our rooms until our dad came home from work. The frequency of spankings went down considerably over time and as we grew too big. None of us has ever been in trouble with the law; we are respectful of authority; our marriages are all intact; we all have created loving and warm homes; and none of us are violent or abusive. We deeply love and respect both of our parents, and are looking forward to our annual huge Thanksgiving family gathering.

That said, however, we do not spank our kids as a general matter. This, to us, constitutes abuse, and is a poor substitute to finding other ways of effectively and systematically disciplining a child. The balance of power, size and strength is too oit of whack for it to be anything other than abuse. We use time-outs, loss of privileges, , and good talking tos instead. I've been sorely tempted to give a good swat to the seat on many occasions, however.

Despite all of this, I would find it difficult to judge those who don't have the patience or creativity to sort out how to discipline a difficult child.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in the 70s (born in the 60s) and we were infrequently spanked, but not hard, and we were never 'beaten' or slapped, no washing out mouth with soap, no hot sauce on tongue, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm 30. Born and raised in Northern Virginia. My parents were raised in the country in VA and WVA. We got spanked. I've swatted mine on the butt before. They've also gotten a pinch on the arm when acting up in public. That's few and far between, but immediately rectifies their behavior. None of them are violent or have issues controlling themselves or are afraid of me.

They are also incredibly well-behaved. That's not just my bias, but from compliments I get from teachers, other parents, strangers (like when we are in a nice restaurant or airplane.) While it obviously makes me proud of my kids and I appreciate it, it's a shame when people feel the need to compliment you/your children simply for your kids acting right. That says something about the current generation of kids raised on time-outs, and talking about your feelings instead of disciplining them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me feel sick.

Oh the drama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bro, sis and I were spanked by mom and they were spanked by their dad (my step-dad). Mom would go open hand generally, but if it was something really bad she would break out her dad's frat paddle (or a belt, hairbrush, wooden spoon). I don't remember being spanked very many times, but my little brother and sister got spanked pretty frequently. We also got our mouths washed out with dish soap for swearing.

I'm 31 and I grew up in CT.

My DD is only 7 months old, so DH (who was also spanked once in a while) and I haven't confronted the to-spank-or-not-to-spank dilemma yet, but when I read these threads I'm surprised that so many people have such a strong reaction to hearing that people got spanked. Maybe it's a temperament thing, but my DH and I both come from families of three children. All six of us were spanked at some point or another. All six of us excelled in school, including college and grad school (where career appropriate), none of us ever got into any serious trouble, and most importantly, we all feel that we grew up in warm, safe, loving homes with parents who cared about us deeply and made huge sacrifices so that we could get to where we all are now. I'm not saying everyone should spank, or even that spanking is good or right, but I do think it's a little dramatic to act like every kid that was spanked is a trauma victim.

that's why the crazy anti-spanker arguments don't hold water really. Spanking was a normal and usual form of punishment for centuries and people turned out just fine, civilization still stands, etc. It's also why they insist on equating a few backside swats with abuse: abuse has always been considered a bad thing, even back in the day, and few would argue that kids in abusive homes have struggles. But for the millions and millions of kids who were spanked as otherwise part of a loving home by loving parents, there is no trauma. So they call all of it abuse, because they must cling to their dogma at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me feel sick.

Oh the drama!

+1. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

34. African-American and raised in the south. Both parents spanked and both hurt. My mouth was rinsed out with soap once or twice for biting my older sister. That being said, I had a great childhood, love my parents and very grateful for everything they've done for me. Spankings did not make me think they loved my less. With everything that my children will face in the modern world, I feel spanking might spare their lives one day in the furture. I don't expect (or need) everyone on this thread to understand that.

[Anonymous]

Mid-40's man here. Grew up in Eastern Europe and then NYC. My mom spanked me a couple of times. Once, when I was 4 or so, my mom told my dad to spank me. He took me in the room, closed the door, put me over his knee, put his hand over my butt and proceded to whip the back of his own hand with his belt (so that it sounded, to my mom, like he was actually hitting me). Then he stood me up, showed me his red hand and said "look how your behavior is hurting your father." I don't specifically remember any other punishment that I ever got but that stuck with me my whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid-40's man here. Grew up in Eastern Europe and then NYC. My mom spanked me a couple of times. Once, when I was 4 or so, my mom told my dad to spank me. He took me in the room, closed the door, put me over his knee, put his hand over my butt and proceded to whip the back of his own hand with his belt (so that it sounded, to my mom, like he was actually hitting me). Then he stood me up, showed me his red hand and said "look how your behavior is hurting your father." I don't specifically remember any other punishment that I ever got but that stuck with me my whole life.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spanked infrequently, threatened with washing out mouth with soap, but never happened. I'm 42. Grew up in the mid Atlantic.

Same, but grew up in midwest. I'm 33.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30. Born and raised in Northern Virginia. My parents were raised in the country in VA and WVA. We got spanked. I've swatted mine on the butt before. They've also gotten a pinch on the arm when acting up in public. That's few and far between, but immediately rectifies their behavior. None of them are violent or have issues controlling themselves or are afraid of me.

They are also incredibly well-behaved. That's not just my bias, but from compliments I get from teachers, other parents, strangers (like when we are in a nice restaurant or airplane.) While it obviously makes me proud of my kids and I appreciate it, it's a shame when people feel the need to compliment you/your children simply for your kids acting right. That says something about the current generation of kids raised on time-outs, and talking about your feelings instead of disciplining them.

This describes my kids as well and not only have a I never spanked them or otherwise used physical punishment, but you would likely say I do not punish at all. No time outs, no taking privileges except when it is a natural consequence, highly praise good behavior and explain why bad behavior is wrong. You do not need to spank kids to have well behaved kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30. Born and raised in Northern Virginia. My parents were raised in the country in VA and WVA. We got spanked. I've swatted mine on the butt before. They've also gotten a pinch on the arm when acting up in public. That's few and far between, but immediately rectifies their behavior. None of them are violent or have issues controlling themselves or are afraid of me.

They are also incredibly well-behaved. That's not just my bias, but from compliments I get from teachers, other parents, strangers (like when we are in a nice restaurant or airplane.) While it obviously makes me proud of my kids and I appreciate it, it's a shame when people feel the need to compliment you/your children simply for your kids acting right. That says something about the current generation of kids raised on time-outs, and talking about your feelings instead of disciplining them.

This describes my kids as well and not only have a I never spanked them or otherwise used physical punishment, but you would likely say I do not punish at all. No time outs, no taking privileges except when it is a natural consequence, highly praise good behavior and explain why bad behavior is wrong. You do not need to spank kids to have well behaved kids.

I wouldn't pat yourself on your back. Your kids may have been born with a milder temperament.

My kids were pretty easy regarding sleep and feeding. I know some babies have a harder time with those things. It's not necessarily anything the parents did or didn't do.