He showed up drunk at my door -WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the PPs who said to laugh it off. If this was the first time, maybe not a big deal. But if he has cut you down in front of friends repeatedly, even after you've expressed your feelings, definitely give him the boot. I thought it was one stupid joke gone wrong, but a pattern of doing things that make you uncomfortable is no good. You're young, find someone else who makes you happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, some people would laugh along and not be hurt, some people would be hurt. You're obviously the latter and should be with someone that you're on the same wavelength with. He sounds really immature and I agree is probably not comfortable with your success. My husband wouldn't have said this to me when we were 26, I can assure you.

This. I'd be really upset if my significant other said something like that to me, even if we were alone! Much less in front of friends. So I'm sure there are couples out there who think this is just hilarious and I'm glad they found each other. But I wouldn't want to be with someone who said what I feel is very degrading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear what many of you are saying about laughing it off. I have a good sense of humor and joke just as much as he. I'm a little crude with my jokes too. The problem I have is this isn't the first time he has made very bad jokes at my expense. I've told him the other three times that I didn't like it and expressed how it hurt my feelings. He again did it and that prompted me to break up with him. I feel he doesn't care about my feelings if he repeatedly does it. We've made jokes and fun of each other but he crosses the line with things. I've noticed he does this with his friends and family too.

It sounds like you've given him a lot of chances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear what many of you are saying about laughing it off. I have a good sense of humor and joke just as much as he. I'm a little crude with my jokes too. The problem I have is this isn't the first time he has made very bad jokes at my expense. I've told him the other three times that I didn't like it and expressed how it hurt my feelings. He again did it and that prompted me to break up with him. I feel he doesn't care about my feelings if he repeatedly does it. We've made jokes and fun of each other but he crosses the line with things. I've noticed he does this with his friends and family too.

I'm the PP saying you have a thin skin. This sounds more to the point. Sounds like this is more his personality style and if he does it to his friends and family it probably won't go away. You could focus the discussion with him on this generally if you want to work on it with him. It's not like you don't have time. But if he is making you feel bad on purpose, and won't listen to your feelings and needs, it's probably not the greatest relationship for you long term. One joke is not the problem. It's more tht he doesn't seem to see you fully as a person--he's objectifying you and ignoring your feelings. That said, some men forget things women ask for, like please don't do X anymore, and have to be reminded. LIke the PP said, look at the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Any man who respects you would NEVER say something so crass and disgusting to you- let alone in front of othe r people. This guys is really bad news op. It's even worse that he's done this to you repeatedly and after you telling g him it wasn't ok - he does it again? What kind of man belittles you in front of others like this? God wake up please and kick him out if your life. I can not imagine anyone saying something like this about me without me decking them in the face. He will not change. And the drunk thing? It sounds like he has some serious issues for which he needs therapy. Did he grow up in a broken home or with verbally abusive parents? Sure sounds like it. Please run now- this will not get better. You deserve so much more.

[Anonymous]

One of the most fundamental relationship rules is that you do not put each other down in public. Once may be an aberration. Several times is a personality trait. You are sooo young and can do sooo much better. Good for you for being strong. Every poster here said move on, evern the ones who initially said the joke is no big deal. Not that the forum should dictate your life, but that is something. I hope you do not take him back. Let us know, good luck, and I don't know you, but I know you deserve more than to be degraded like that by someone who "loves" you.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Every part of that story shows him to be a loser.

Congrats on dumping him and congrats on the promotion!

[Anonymous]

Answer this for yourself.

Would you like to have another scene like that and have to clean him up again? (because you most likely will have to)

Would you be happy if he made another ridiculous, disrespectful comment like that again? (because he most likely will)

Both situations are not very grown up behavior. 26 should be a grown up. If you think it's ok behavior, great. If not, you know the answer.

People don't really change. Grow up a little-yes. But drinking too much adn the belittling comments-that'll just get worse.

[Anonymous]

How many chances are you gonna give him to ignore how you feel. He didn't show up drunk on your door cause he was soooo sorry and because he loves you so much- he did it because he is a hot mess. It's not your job to change this guy; you can easily find another more to your liking.

[Anonymous]

He disrespects you. He thinks so poorly of you that he states that you need to give sexual favours to your boss in order to get promoted. He doesn't care about your feelings. He humiliates you in front of other people. He gets drunk.

Stay away from this "man".

You did the right thing in breaking up, don't eff it up now or things will get even worse. "Men" like him don't change.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. My wife and I have made jokes like this before, but to each other in the privacy of our home, not in front of a group. One time could be laughed off, several times would be a concern.

The drunken vomiting on the doorstep out to be your real queue. That's a guy, to me, who can't handle adversity and copes with it in a bad way. If I had broken up with a woman (for any reason) and she showed up drunk and vomiting on my doorstep, I'd leave her outside. I'd stick to your guns and let him go, just a gut feeling from what I'm reading.

[Anonymous]

You are well rid of this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of 6 months and I had a little argument on Tuesday. He said something really mean, meant to be a joke but it wasnt funny. I got a promotion and he said something along the lines of me blowing my boss for a raise sleeping with him because of my good looks. He said it out at dinner in front of friends. I was humiliated and broke up with him that night. He tried calling and texting repeatedly but I refused contact, still pissed off. Last night he shows up at my door at 1:30AM drunk. He was belligerent and saying he loved me and apologizing over and over. He threw up and I took care of him. I got him in a bath ( no easily, mind you), cleaned his clothes and let him crash on my couch. This morning he was embarrassed by his behavior and asked me to go to dinner. Telling me how he loves and misses me. Should I give him another chance or why not?

I wouldn't. It wasn't meant to be a joke. It was meant to cut you down in front of your friends. He will never be supportive of your success.

This. He's shown you who he is.

+1

When someone shows you who he is, believe him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. My wife and I have made jokes like this before, but to each other in the privacy of our home, not in front of a group. One time could be laughed off, several times would be a concern.

The drunken vomiting on the doorstep out to be your real queue. That's a guy, to me, who can't handle adversity and copes with it in a bad way. If I had broken up with a woman (for any reason) and she showed up drunk and vomiting on my doorstep, I'd leave her outside. I'd stick to your guns and let him go, just a gut feeling from what I'm reading.

+1000 - another guy. you dumped him, good for you. stay strong and find the guy you really deserve. this asshole has shown his true colors and his behavior will only get worse over time - save yourself the heartache. plus, you're only 22 - you haven't really started living yet!!

[Anonymous]

DTMF.