He showed up drunk at my door -WWYD?

[Anonymous]

No. Listen to me. My now DH did this to me, humiliated me in front of friends. It is the worst feeling. I should have ended it. To this day I fear he will cut me down in front of friends, family, his kids etc. It is only through counseling and aggressively sticking up for myself that we have managed to move past this behavior. We both recognize we have flaws and are committed to working on them. The only thing that saved us was his willingness to change and that is extremely rare in people. You sound young and attractive. I know DC is a tough town for dating but this is a personality trait you do not want to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Lighten up. It was just a joke. You can let him know you felt hurt but breaking up over that seems really reactive unless the relationship meant nothing to begin with and even then seems awfully thin skinned and totally out of left field. If it is part of a larger pattern then that's another thing. Do you actually like your boyfriend OP? If yes of course take him back.

Of course I like him. In fact I'm in love with him. The part that hurt was even after explaining he didnt see how it cools hurt me. He likes to joke around but saying " did you suck his dick or let him bend you over the desk to get the promotion?" isn't ok. He said that in front of 3 of his friends and 2 of mine. It made me question what he really thinks of me and if he cares at all about my feelings.

I just turned 22 and he is going to be 27 in December.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend, my friends and I, all joke like this. I wouldnt have been embarressed and wouldnt have broke up with him over. However, you are entitled to your feelings. No one can tell you how to feel in various situations. Its been 6 months that you all have known/dated. You should know his character by now. Take everything into account, not just this one situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this guy?

Unless you are both very young (like college age) I'd say it's time to move on, as he sounds immature and possibly dangerous.

I am 22 and he is 26. I'm in college but he is out already.

PP here.

Whatever you decide, don't fall into the trap of staying with him because you feel "guilty." His behavior was way out of line and there are plenty of other men in the world who won't jerk you around like that.

If you stay, only do it because you have a very high degree of certainty that this was an extreme abberation on his part and that he has other things going on that appeal to you.

Also, you are 22. You've got the better part of a decade to go before you need to even consider making compromises.

[Anonymous]

Is the drunken display the stuff of all the sweet romantic comedies? Maybe he got drunk because he had just been dumped for no reason. Not the most mature way to handle it, but how would youl like it if he dumped you because of a joke you made? So he made a joke that you found to be in poor taste. People do that. Why would you be embarrassed? Did you really think your friends would think it was true? OP I think you both have maturity issues--his for his frat-boy sense of humor and way of dealing and you with your emotional reactivity and honestly I think the bigger problem lies with you. Do you generally trash 6 months of relationship investment based on a single joke?

[Anonymous]

PP here. I meant, "Isn't the drunken display...."

[Anonymous]

Look, some people would laugh along and not be hurt, some people would be hurt. You're obviously the latter and should be with someone that you're on the same wavelength with. He sounds really immature and I agree is probably not comfortable with your success. My husband wouldn't have said this to me when we were 26, I can assure you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Lighten up. It was just a joke. You can let him know you felt hurt but breaking up over that seems really reactive unless the relationship meant nothing to begin with and even then seems awfully thin skinned and totally out of left field. If it is part of a larger pattern then that's another thing. Do you actually like your boyfriend OP? If yes of course take him back.

Of course I like him. In fact I'm in love with him. The part that hurt was even after explaining he didnt see how it cools hurt me. He likes to joke around but saying " did you suck his dick or let him bend you over the desk to get the promotion?" isn't ok. He said that in front of 3 of his friends and 2 of mine. It made me question what he really thinks of me and if he cares at all about my feelings.

I just turned 22 and he is going to be 27 in December.

You sound very sweet, honestly. But you've been dating him for all of six months. You seem like someone who is going to get hurt by getting too attached to guys who aren't being very nice to you.

I am a guy, btw. But I am old enough to have known a lot of people when I was younger who put up with a lot of bullshit because they were "in love."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of 6 months and I had a little argument on Tuesday. He said something really mean, meant to be a joke but it wasnt funny. I got a promotion and he said something along the lines of me blowing my boss for a raise sleeping with him because of my good looks. He said it out at dinner in front of friends. I was humiliated and broke up with him that night. He tried calling and texting repeatedly but I refused contact, still pissed off. Last night he shows up at my door at 1:30AM drunk. He was belligerent and saying he loved me and apologizing over and over. He threw up and I took care of him. I got him in a bath ( no easily, mind you), cleaned his clothes and let him crash on my couch. This morning he was embarrassed by his behavior and asked me to go to dinner. Telling me how he loves and misses me. Should I give him another chance or why not?

I wouldn't. It wasn't meant to be a joke. It was meant to cut you down in front of your friends. He will never be supportive of your success.

This. He's shown you who he is.

Yes, this. Especially after seeing exactly what he said. He's lucky you opened the door for him. I would've left him on the hard cold doorstep.

[Anonymous]

No, op, good for you for breaking up with him. Stick to that.

First, he was rude and cut you down in front of friends. He belittled your achievements.

Second, he seems to have a crass and inappropriate sense of humor. Even if the joke was not directed at you....would you want to date someone who would say something so sexist?

I wouldn't want to be married to That Guy. He is old enough to know better.

Plus, the falling down drunk thing.....not good.

[Anonymous]

ok it's hard to tell here if it was just a joke gone wrong or what a couple of wise PPs are saying, about showing who he really is and that it really wasn't a joke.

And btw, that's pretty gross for a joke--I can see a "maybe promoted because boss thinks she's cute" comment, but blow job? UGGGH gross AND implies something YOU did (vs boss just thinking you are hot)

But that aside--the drunken middle-of-night stuff is the deal breaker.

OP I had one of those relationships. Our relationship was always going by fits and starts. It seemed to only progress when I'd break up, then he'd come back begging in some way/shape/form. Then we'd be back together, maybe even at a tighter level, but it would always end up with me thinking it wasn't right, and the breakup, then the apology stuff.

It's a cycle--like the cycle of violence--but there's no violence. But it's never fulfilling, OP. It's 10% great and 40% ok and 50% yucky. That's no way to live a happy life. And even during the good times, after a while, you end up wondering how long it will last, because you know, you know, the downturn is ahead.

Now that's not totally fair because it's early in the game for you, OP. So if you DO take him back, then please watch out for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Lighten up. It was just a joke. You can let him know you felt hurt but breaking up over that seems really reactive unless the relationship meant nothing to begin with and even then seems awfully thin skinned and totally out of left field. If it is part of a larger pattern then that's another thing. Do you actually like your boyfriend OP? If yes of course take him back.

Of course I like him. In fact I'm in love with him. The part that hurt was even after explaining he didnt see how it cools hurt me. He likes to joke around but saying " did you suck his dick or let him bend you over the desk to get the promotion?" isn't ok. He said that in front of 3 of his friends and 2 of mine. It made me question what he really thinks of me and if he cares at all about my feelings.

I just turned 22 and he is going to be 27 in December.

He's mean. He's jealous of you sexually and jealous of your success. He's a messy drunk.

This guy is bad news. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

I hear what many of you are saying about laughing it off. I have a good sense of humor and joke just as much as he. I'm a little crude with my jokes too. The problem I have is this isn't the first time he has made very bad jokes at my expense. I've told him the other three times that I didn't like it and expressed how it hurt my feelings. He again did it and that prompted me to break up with him. I feel he doesn't care about my feelings if he repeatedly does it. We've made jokes and fun of each other but he crosses the line with things. I've noticed he does this with his friends and family too.

[Anonymous]

Put a strap-on on a plug him from behind hard the next time her gets drunk. Let him know that things can get shitty when he gets drunk and out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear what many of you are saying about laughing it off. I have a good sense of humor and joke just as much as he. I'm a little crude with my jokes too. The problem I have is this isn't the first time he has made very bad jokes at my expense. I've told him the other three times that I didn't like it and expressed how it hurt my feelings. He again did it and that prompted me to break up with him. I feel he doesn't care about my feelings if he repeatedly does it. We've made jokes and fun of each other but he crosses the line with things. I've noticed he does this with his friends and family too.

Nope, you clearly made the right decision to break up with him. Stick to your guns. You are so young and you will find partners who are more mature (he should be a lot more mature than this by 27 even though it does take men longer). I'm positive that one day you will look back and know you dodged a bullet with this guy.