Is There Anything You Wish You Asked Your DH/DW Before Marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll start- I would have asked my DH if he believes that children should be financially responsible for their parents who have not properly prepared for their retirement.

My DW and I attended a marriage encounters weekend and we were surprised by how many couples hadn't talk about important topics before that weekend. My DW and I talked about these topics, but the other couples had something that we didn't. They had passion towards each other. Naturally I didn't realize this at that time. If I would have realized it at the time... I would not have married my DW.

[Anonymous]

I would have asked if he was going to change one year after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. We conducted full financial and medical due diligence as well as fully negotiated division of labor and responsibilities along with contingencies that cover most possible scenarios (including zombie apocalypse).

What's your zombie plan!?!?

You don't have one? I can't share the specifics but it primarily involves SERE training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I knew everything I wouldn't have gotten married. However, I'm glad I did. I enjoy our life together and love him.

A voice of wisdom...

[Anonymous]

I would have asked her if she loved my enough to make anal a regular activity.

[Anonymous]

I would have asked him if he loved me enough not to ask for anal anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked him if he loved me enough not to ask for anal anymore.

Well played.

[Anonymous]

I would have asked him if he was a sex addict and a sociopath and if he was gay.

And a functioning alcoholic.

I guess that covers it.

[Anonymous]

Those are good questions, many of which I should have asked. Except what would have been the point--he always lied about everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked him if he was a sex addict and a sociopath and if he was gay.

And a functioning alcoholic.

I guess that covers it.

I know a man like this. Think there are quite a few out there. Fing dudes on the side is the worst. So disrespectful of the wife.

[Anonymous]

Do you drink alone? How long does it take to finish that case of beer in your fridge?
If you suddenly got $10,000 what would you do with it?
Of course, I would have to trust the answers were honest...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is have asked if he had any special talents. Turns out he's a whiz at all these things I had no idea about. They're all good but I'm not a fan of surprises.

I'm intrigued! What are his special talents???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I asked all the right questions but I was not smart enough to make conclusions from his answers and my observations.

Similar. I asked alot of the right questions but ignored the day to day observations that conflicted with our discussions. In hindsight there were signs I should have acknowledged. Also, earlier in the marriage once the discrepancy was out in the open if you will I should have called DW on it. I also sometimes wonder if alot of DW want to get married and wait until a ring is on their finger. I know the DWs here will flame me but I believe it is true. Young girls grow up playing with dolls and talking about husband and wife and their wedding. I think we program them unfairly and they are driven to catch a mate. I married in mid/late twenties. Should have waited to be more mature and probably should have had more relationships. So that I knew when to call bullshit on certain behaviors. Water over the dam at this point...

Sometimes waiting doesn't help. I asked my then fiance if we were going to have more sex once we lived together, and he said of course. Should have realized that a guy who doesn't get married until he's 33 and had years between relationships is not all that motivated by sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I asked all the right questions but I was not smart enough to make conclusions from his answers and my observations.

Similar. I asked alot of the right questions but ignored the day to day observations that conflicted with our discussions. In hindsight there were signs I should have acknowledged. Also, earlier in the marriage once the discrepancy was out in the open if you will I should have called DW on it. I also sometimes wonder if alot of DW want to get married and wait until a ring is on their finger. I know the DWs here will flame me but I believe it is true. Young girls grow up playing with dolls and talking about husband and wife and their wedding. I think we program them unfairly and they are driven to catch a mate. I married in mid/late twenties. Should have waited to be more mature and probably should have had more relationships. So that I knew when to call bullshit on certain behaviors. Water over the dam at this point...

Sometimes waiting doesn't help. I asked my then fiance if we were going to have more sex once we lived together, and he said of course. Should have realized that a guy who doesn't get married until he's 33 and had years between relationships is not all that motivated by sex.

Disagree as a guy. I didn't have a ton of sexual experiences before getting married around 30 but I have an incredibly active sex life. For me, I have to really car about someone before having sex. I like a certain kind of woman and held out to meet these types of dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I asked all the right questions but I was not smart enough to make conclusions from his answers and my observations.

Similar. I asked alot of the right questions but ignored the day to day observations that conflicted with our discussions. In hindsight there were signs I should have acknowledged. Also, earlier in the marriage once the discrepancy was out in the open if you will I should have called DW on it. I also sometimes wonder if alot of DW want to get married and wait until a ring is on their finger. I know the DWs here will flame me but I believe it is true. Young girls grow up playing with dolls and talking about husband and wife and their wedding. I think we program them unfairly and they are driven to catch a mate. I married in mid/late twenties. Should have waited to be more mature and probably should have had more relationships. So that I knew when to call bullshit on certain behaviors. Water over the dam at this point...

Sometimes waiting doesn't help. I asked my then fiance if we were going to have more sex once we lived together, and he said of course. Should have realized that a guy who doesn't get married until he's 33 and had years between relationships is not all that motivated by sex.

Disagree as a guy. I didn't have a ton of sexual experiences before getting married around 30 but I have an incredibly active sex life. For me, I have to really car about someone before having sex. I like a certain kind of woman and held out to meet these types of dates.

Did you have an incredibly active sex life with your now wife as soon as you started having sex, right from the beginning, with no noticeable dropoff in the first three or four years?