Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

Also, in her post, she says that she would have sex in the morning, but he won't.

And yeah, if his reaction is to send this to her, on her work email (totally inappropriate!) on her way out of town, with a nasty note about how he won't miss her, then I submit that they have bigger problems in their marriage.

Why should the man always have to be the one to turn her on. Equal rights. Just like no one complains when a gurl wants a quickie.

First, why doesn't he SHOWER and then ask for sex? I wouldn't have sex with my DH when he's sweaty and I LOVE to have sex. So he showers because he knows sweat is a turn off.

My DH doesn't turn me down unless he's REALLY REALLY REALLY tired. So 3 or 4 times in 10 years. I have turned him down more often because of painful (curl up in fetal position) cramps that I get occasionally. Not monthly, but several times a year. Painful cramps started around the time I hit 30

This couple needs to work on their marriage IF they want to save it or divorce if they are not 100% committed. I really wonder why they married in the first place and what their sex life was when dating/honeymoon stage.

Ok, except it's not because HE isn't showering. She's claiming it's because SHE has not yet taken a shower after the gym (and doesn't plan to, but uses that as the excuse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

That is not a valid excuse at all. If you are LD and you know your DH has a high desire and you don't meet halfway, what does that say about you? Selfish? Hell yeah! A low sex drive is not a valid excuse. You are in a marriage.

The point isn't whether or not it's a valid excuse. The point is whether she says no because she isn't attracted to him, or for some other reason. You can't automatically assume it's a lack of attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

Also, in her post, she says that she would have sex in the morning, but he won't.

And yeah, if his reaction is to send this to her, on her work email (totally inappropriate!) on her way out of town, with a nasty note about how he won't miss her, then I submit that they have bigger problems in their marriage.

Yep it's always someone else's fault.

If she actually wanted to have sex with him, the solution would be "I feel sweaty & gross, join me in the shower!"

Getting a rain check for sex is a recipe for disaster. "Not tonight hon, I feel tired; maybe tomorrow" is a classic one. It sounds nice and reasonable but many times, tomorrow never comes. Most times, it's a choice between duty sex or an unfulfilled promise; neither of which is very good.

[Anonymous]

i can see him just being so terrible at sex, cumming after 20 seconds of pumping with no foreplay. the wife should keep a record of how the sex goes, if the husband's going to a shitty thing like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if this was a woman being rejected like that?

She'd have some self-respect and divorce the person and find someone compatible instead of creating a spreadsheet.

This is on the husband. If he doesn't like it, leave! There are no kids, they are 26. He can and should find someone who is sexually attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

That is not a valid excuse at all. If you are LD and you know your DH has a high desire and you don't meet halfway, what does that say about you? Selfish? Hell yeah! A low sex drive is not a valid excuse. You are in a marriage.

The point isn't whether or not it's a valid excuse. The point is whether she says no because she isn't attracted to him, or for some other reason. You can't automatically assume it's a lack of attraction.

The assumption might be unreasonable for any of these individual excuses, but with them all piled on top of each other like that, lack of attraction is a fairly reasonable conclusion.

[Anonymous]

This was so last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

That is not a valid excuse at all. If you are LD and you know your DH has a high desire and you don't meet halfway, what does that say about you? Selfish? Hell yeah! A low sex drive is not a valid excuse. You are in a marriage.

The point isn't whether or not it's a valid excuse. The point is whether she says no because she isn't attracted to him, or for some other reason. You can't automatically assume it's a lack of attraction.

The assumption might be unreasonable for any of these individual excuses, but with them all piled on top of each other like that, lack of attraction is a fairly reasonable conclusion.

So is LD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i can see him just being so terrible at sex, cumming after 20 seconds of pumping with no foreplay. the wife should keep a record of how the sex goes, if the husband's going to a shitty thing like this.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The point isn't whether or not it's a valid excuse. The point is whether she says no because she isn't attracted to him, or for some other reason. You can't automatically assume it's a lack of attraction.

The assumption might be unreasonable for any of these individual excuses, but with them all piled on top of each other like that, lack of attraction is a fairly reasonable conclusion.

So is LD.

Well, lack of attraction can cause LD. It's fairly cliche to hear about a wife who never wanted to have sex to suddenly find her sex drive again once she got a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I'm female, and when I saw this on Facebook, it totally cracked me up. I'm one of those people who makes spreadsheets for everything. I have never made one for something like this, but I can certainly see myself doing one for my own amusement. (and probably not sharing.)

I kind of respect the guy for backing up his complaint "you never have sex with me" with actual data. Most people don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm female, and when I saw this on Facebook, it totally cracked me up. I'm one of those people who makes spreadsheets for everything. I have never made one for something like this, but I can certainly see myself doing one for my own amusement. (and probably not sharing.)

I kind of respect the guy for backing up his complaint "you never have sex with me" with actual data. Most people don't do that.

I tend to agree, but presenting data isn't going to do him any good in terms of her having more sex with him. Where before being confronted with the data, she'd say "oh, it's not that bad, I don't turn you down that much, we have sex all the time;" now she'll shift gears and tell him "well, if you'd do more around the house, maybe I'd be in the mood more often." Then, when he does the dishes, the laundry, mows the lawn, etc. etc. etc., she'll say "well, I still do more around the house." Then, he'll keep another spreadsheet showing that he, in fact, does more around the house. Then she'll say, "well you can't just trade chores for sex, I'm not a prostitute."

In other words, the data won't keep the goalposts from moving.

[Anonymous]

He really should have just stop initiating after a couple of rejections. Constantly badgering and grovelling for sex is undignified, and his sudden withdrawal of interest may sparks hers.

Or, it may not. In which case, it's time for therapy or a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i can see him just being so terrible at sex, cumming after 20 seconds of pumping with no foreplay. the wife should keep a record of how the sex goes.....

Indeed, if he really is a terrible lover, she SHOULD bring this up with him.
That's exactly how successful marriages work!!!

Anonymous wrote:..........if the husband's going to a shitty thing like this

Just what's so shitty about him documenting facts that she already knows about?
And how about her posting this on social media for the world to see?

Oh, let's not forget the actual issue at hand which is her constant rejection resulting in a pathetic sexlife.

[Anonymous]

This brings to mind that scene from Annie Hall where the therapist asks how often they have sex. Wood Allen says, "hardly ever, like, you know, three times a week." And Diane Keaton says, "CONSTANTLY, like three times a week."

Sadly, back when we were on the once or twice a month plan, my wife thought that was "constantly." Then she tried to get on the once a week plan and agreed that I could count the frequency to keep track, but not bug her for sex. Guess what, we're nowhere close to once a week. But I love our children, so here I am; miserable.