Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This brings to mind that scene from Annie Hall where the therapist asks how often they have sex. Wood Allen says, "hardly ever, like, you know, three times a week." And Diane Keaton says, "CONSTANTLY, like three times a week."

Sadly, back when we were on the once or twice a month plan, my wife thought that was "constantly." Then she tried to get on the once a week plan and agreed that I could count the frequency to keep track, but not bug her for sex. Guess what, we're nowhere close to once a week. But I love our children, so here I am; miserable.

That sucks. Sorry, man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt bad for the guy. And also for her, since their love life sucks and she clearly doesn't want him for whatever reason.

well clearly, she doesn't want him because he's a spoiled, entitled asshole.

THIS is so why I never, ever want to be married again. I only do it on MY terms nowadays. And I love every second of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, back when we were on the once or twice a month plan, my wife thought that was "constantly." Then she tried to get on the once a week plan and agreed that I could count the frequency to keep track, but not bug her for sex. Guess what, we're nowhere close to once a week. But I love our children, so here I am; miserable.

Bad agreement my friend.
Your only recourse appears to be denying some other non-sexual need of hers.
Yes this is an immature manipulation game but your negotiating tactics are flawed.


I totally respect spreadsheet dude for forcing the issue as he's done.
Might this end his marriage? Definitely a possible outcome.
But I gotta believe, regardless of the outcome, he won't be miserable like the OP.
Better to deal with the issue head on, especially before kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well clearly, she doesn't want him because he's a spoiled, entitled asshole.

THIS is so why I never, ever want to be married again. I only do it on MY terms nowadays. And I love every second of it!

So him wanting sex with his wife more than 3 times in 8+ weeks (this includes her 10 day trip) makes him spoiled/entitled asshole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well clearly, she doesn't want him because he's a spoiled, entitled asshole.

THIS is so why I never, ever want to be married again. I only do it on MY terms nowadays. And I love every second of it!

So him wanting sex with his wife more than 3 times in 8+ weeks (this includes her 10 day trip) makes him spoiled/entitled asshole?

No! His attitude about the problem, his sending her a freakin EXCEL file, when she is on her way out of town, demonstrates that he is a world class jerk. If he would do those things, he must be really charming!

It's a question of what came first. Did a lack of sex make him an ass? Or did his being an ass cause her not to desire him? No matter what the answer, a bitchy spreadsheet is not the way to get laid, or to have a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

So you must think this spreadsheet came from totally out of the blue, without any prior hint of there being any problem, he just randomly decides to start a spreadsheet (7 weeks ago) and then blindsides her on this trip?
I guess that's one way of looking at it.

My theory is a bit different.
I think their sexlife has been poor for a long time, many months probably, which led him to start keeping track.
I think he has brought this up with her dozens of times and has felt ignored.
I think that each time he initiated sex and was rejected, she prooved on a daily basis that his needs were not important and his communication was not getting through.
I think he believed she would make 30 minutes for him before going away for 10 days.
I think he got pissed off when she skipped town, prioritizing her work over her marriage.
I think he emailed her at work to demonstrate her selfish focus on work.
I think he felt the need to ramp up the issue because he previously failed to get her attention.

But hey maybe you are right and he's just an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you must think this spreadsheet came from totally out of the blue, without any prior hint of there being any problem, he just randomly decides to start a spreadsheet (7 weeks ago) and then blindsides her on this trip?
I guess that's one way of looking at it.

My theory is a bit different.
I think their sexlife has been poor for a long time, many months probably, which led him to start keeping track.
I think he has brought this up with her dozens of times and has felt ignored.
I think that each time he initiated sex and was rejected, she prooved on a daily basis that his needs were not important and his communication was not getting through.
I think he believed she would make 30 minutes for him before going away for 10 days.
I think he got pissed off when she skipped town, prioritizing her work over her marriage.
I think he emailed her at work to demonstrate her selfish focus on work.
I think he felt the need to ramp up the issue because he previously failed to get her attention.

But hey maybe you are right and he's just an asshole.

Yep, I bet he'd be so much happier if he didn't have her paycheck to spend. These selfish beetches prioritizing their "work".

You sound like a psychic! You and Madam Cleo should go into business together.

[Anonymous]

So work and making money are better priorities than meeting a reasonable need of your spouse?

I think it was Friend re-runs actually.

[Anonymous]

Rejecting him in favor of TV shows when she was about to go out of town for 10 days was beyond the pale.

If she had said, "there's this thing that's make me feel nonsexual, let's work on it," that's one thing - but instead, so far as we know, she rejected him for 11 days all at once by telling him that she wanted to watch TV. Brutal.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and I feel sorry for this man. Relationships aren't just about sex but we are sexual beings. Sex and affection is what differentiates a lover from a friend. We are made to have sex, god intended so. I couldn't go that long and never have. We do miss days but I couldn't imagine making my husband ( or vice versa) wait two weeks for sex.

[Anonymous]

If the gender roles were reversed, there would be no question: he would be the villain for rejecting his wife 9/10 times. He would be called gay or presumed to be cheating. People would be telling her to get a divorce from this loser.

Women can be a bit hypocritical about this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the gender roles were reversed, there would be no question: he would be the villain for rejecting his wife 9/10 times. He would be called gay or presumed to be cheating. People would be telling her to get a divorce from this loser.

Women can be a bit hypocritical about this stuff.

That's because they feel entitled to have the man be the initiator.

[Anonymous]

It was his passive aggressive way of asking for a divorce.

Hope he gets it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the gender roles were reversed, there would be no question: he would be the villain for rejecting his wife 9/10 times. He would be called gay or presumed to be cheating. People would be telling her to get a divorce from this loser.

Women can be a bit hypocritical about this stuff.

That's because they feel entitled to have the man be the initiator.

It has been my experience that men can get their ego or manliness bruised if the woman initiates too often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the gender roles were reversed, there would be no question: he would be the villain for rejecting his wife 9/10 times. He would be called gay or presumed to be cheating. People would be telling her to get a divorce from this loser.

Women can be a bit hypocritical about this stuff.

That's because they feel entitled to have the man be the initiator.

It has been my experience that men can get their ego or manliness bruised if the woman initiates too often.

Erroneous! Is there a single man here that doesn't want their wife or girlfriend to initiate more often?