Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex

[Anonymous]

A wife made a splash posting on reddit, complaining about her husband e-mailing her a spreadsheet detailing the ways in which she had declined sex over the previous 7 weeks. They are apparently a 26 year old couple without kids. He had apparently tried to initiate sex 27 times in that 7 week period and was successful on 3 occasions. She gave some pretty standard excuses during that time: tired, feel gross, have to get up early tomorrow, wanna watch TV.

Any of those excuses alone look perfectly reasonable, but when they start to amount to a 90% rejection rate start to look like bullshit. So, the husband responded in a hugely counterproductive and passive aggressive way. He not only made a spreadsheet, but he sent it to her via email as she was headed off on a 10 day business trip. That last rejection may have pushed him over the edge - wanting to watch TV instead of having sex before she left on a long trip. So, that last one isn't just a one day rejection -- she was essentially turning him down for sex for the next 11 days combined because she didn't want to miss her shows. But that spreadsheet email maneuver is pretty much guaranteed to make her vagina clang shut.

See: http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/pouty-husband-sends-wife-spreadsheet-detailing-sex-life-1607350830

The original reddit thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2b1f5a/my_husband_m26_sent_me_f26_an_immature/

Disclosure: In the past, I kept a diary of my wife & I's sex life to see just how infrequent things were and make sure I wasn't going crazy about just how rare the sex was and the reasons for the infrequency. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't necessarily matter - if you're getting a lot of "I'm tireds" it might mean she's tired, it might not. But it definitely means she's not attracted enough. And, if your wife isn't attracted to you, you aren't going to logic her into wanting to have sex with you - no matter how solid your data is.

[Anonymous]

I felt bad for the guy. And also for her, since their love life sucks and she clearly doesn't want him for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

I think this is sad.
At this point, I'd file for divorce whether I was the husband or the wife.
Disclosure: I stopped having sex with my then-husband because he became emotionally unappealing to me. That overrode any physical attraction or even my own libido because I was revolted by the idea of emotional intimacy with him.

[Anonymous]

The only thing to do is get fat and repulsive, otherwise buck up and shut up.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Women too much entitlement

[Anonymous]

I have a similar spreadsheet and have been tracking for 2 years now. I would not email her the sheet but it serves as a good measure of frequency since no one can actually remember how often they have sex.

[Anonymous]

So what's behind the bullshit excuses? I wonder if she believed those were really the reasons why she didn't want to have sex or if she knew there was something deeper going on and didn't want to tell him.

I guess in the reddit thread, she described it as a "temporary slowdown." Even if she was confident that's all it was going to be, it's pretty easy for a guy to get scared that this is going to be the "new normal."

[Anonymous]

I have little doubt that she's cheating during the 11-day trip.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hilarious. And I certainly wouldn't describe that as "passive aggressive." There's nothing passive about telling your wife her list of excuses not to have sex. That's "aggressive aggressive." More power to him.

[Anonymous]

There's little to fix here unless she wants to fix it.

If he doesn't provide data to back him up, she'll try to convince him they are having sex regularly. Problem not fixed.

If he does provide data, she'll get angry at post it online.

She either doesn't want sex or doesn't want it with him. Going away for 11 days and not having sex with your husband definitely sounds suspicious. Yeah, yeah... "For work," I know.

[Anonymous]

So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

Also, in her post, she says that she would have sex in the morning, but he won't.

And yeah, if his reaction is to send this to her, on her work email (totally inappropriate!) on her way out of town, with a nasty note about how he won't miss her, then I submit that they have bigger problems in their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

You're not getting it. There's always some lame excuse. If it wasn't that, it'd be something else. She just doesn't want it, period, and he should divorce her frigid ass.

[Anonymous]

I read it wrong. I thought they were married for 26 years. But they are 26. Yikes.

They should get a divorce since neither seems to enjoy their sex life. Wonder if DH is bad in bed and she is tired of it or there is no chemistry and she married him for $ or out of desperation.

I suspect she is having an affair.

So sad! Why would she post this? Looking to get her 15 min?