Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

Also, in her post, she says that she would have sex in the morning, but he won't.

And yeah, if his reaction is to send this to her, on her work email (totally inappropriate!) on her way out of town, with a nasty note about how he won't miss her, then I submit that they have bigger problems in their marriage.

Why should the man always have to be the one to turn her on. Equal rights. Just like no one complains when a gurl wants a quickie.

[Anonymous]

It does beg the question why it should only be him trying to turn her on. Ladies, when you stop doing your part altogether, it doesn't exactly encourage us to be *more* romantic.

[Anonymous]

And if you do bust your ass to try to be more seductive and get her in the mood and it doesn't work out, then it's still your fault because it doesn't count if you're trying to get laid.

Anyway, none of the individual rejections are all that bad or unreasonable on their own -- it's the cumulative effect that points to a radioactive problem, and I guess that's one upside to the spreadsheet.

[Anonymous]

In my last marriage, I went through periods like this. There are a lot of legitimate reasons on that list, but the list itself paints a picture of a sad relationship where two people are not particularly connected for whatever reason. That was certainly my problem before - I wasn't feeling particularly sexual and we were not connecting on any other levels either. Part of it was legitimate exhaustion or physical unattractiveness - going to the gym and feeling sweaty and gross, being tired after a long day, being full and drunk, etc. But the other issue was that I simply did not prioritize an intimate relationship with my husband over the other things. At the end of the day, I wanted to read or watch TV or get some extra sleep, and I cared more about those things than I did about being sexy with my husband. As time went on, I noticed this pattern existing in other areas of life too. He stopped being the first person I shared news (good or bad) with. I stopped thinking of little nice things to do for him. I stopped missing him when he traveled for work.

We divorced.

That said, I have no idea where you guys are getting the cheating accusations or the suggestion that she doesn't REALLY have to travel for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

But not for Fabio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

Also, in her post, she says that she would have sex in the morning, but he won't.

And yeah, if his reaction is to send this to her, on her work email (totally inappropriate!) on her way out of town, with a nasty note about how he won't miss her, then I submit that they have bigger problems in their marriage.

Why should the man always have to be the one to turn her on. Equal rights. Just like no one complains when a gurl wants a quickie.

First, why doesn't he SHOWER and then ask for sex? I wouldn't have sex with my DH when he's sweaty and I LOVE to have sex. So he showers because he knows sweat is a turn off.

My DH doesn't turn me down unless he's REALLY REALLY REALLY tired. So 3 or 4 times in 10 years. I have turned him down more often because of painful (curl up in fetal position) cramps that I get occasionally. Not monthly, but several times a year. Painful cramps started around the time I hit 30

This couple needs to work on their marriage IF they want to save it or divorce if they are not 100% committed. I really wonder why they married in the first place and what their sex life was when dating/honeymoon stage.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's annoyed that he's seeking out sex sometimes 4 or 5 days in a row. I would be. I don't like having sex every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's annoyed that he's seeking out sex sometimes 4 or 5 days in a row. I would be. I don't like having sex every day.

Somehow I doubt she'd initiate if he left her alone, or that the acceptance rate would be higher if he asked every other night.

She tried to embarrass him publicly and IMO is the bigger jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

That is not a valid excuse at all. If you are LD and you know your DH has a high desire and you don't meet halfway, what does that say about you? Selfish? Hell yeah! A low sex drive is not a valid excuse. You are in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

That is not a valid excuse at all. If you are LD and you know your DH has a high desire and you don't meet halfway, what does that say about you? Selfish? Hell yeah! A low sex drive is not a valid excuse. You are in a marriage.

You can replace the "you" with "she"

[Anonymous]

So, he asks for sex (and I'd love to know what his seduction technique is!) after she goes to the gym, and she always tells him she's sweaty and gross. So, maybe don't try to initiate post-gym sex? Or be a little more creative and join her in the shower or something?

Also, in her post, she says that she would have sex in the morning, but he won't.

And yeah, if his reaction is to send this to her, on her work email (totally inappropriate!) on her way out of town, with a nasty note about how he won't miss her, then I submit that they have bigger problems in their marriage.

Yep it's always someone else's fault.

[Anonymous]

What if this was a woman being rejected like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I'm getting rejected 95% of the time so what is that guy complaining about?

But I imagine you're not in your twenties with no kids?
She's not attracted to him, plain and simple. She shouldn't have married him knowing that, but her friends were probably marrying off and she felt it was time. For his part, if they had a bad sex life before they got married he shouldn't have expected it to magically change. They should divorce before they have kids and are trapped. It will only get worse.

Maybe she just has a low sex drive.

But not for Fabio.

BS

When I'm not in the mood, it wouldn't matter if it was Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, or Don Draper himself. And Fabio is gross, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's annoyed that he's seeking out sex sometimes 4 or 5 days in a row. I would be. I don't like having sex every day.

Nope. He's not notably successful when initiating after a few days of not trying. So that's not it. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she made that recommendation just so she wouldn't have to feel bad about turning him down so often.