Judgemental DC parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, aren't you being judgmental, here, too?

Maybe she suffers from bitchy resting face. Maybe she was saying anything to her husband, and you are too sensitive and making it about you.

No one said anything to you, why do you care what is happening at another table?

As someone said, own your life. Who cares about interpreting what other people may or may not have been saying about you.

I, for one, think there needs to be an awareness fundraiser for BRF.

I can see...brown ribbon magnets, on cars, that say... "BRF Awareness"

[Anonymous]

I guess she was thinking that your DCs cannot sit quietly unless they are glued to a computer/tv screen.

I don't think this is a DC thing...

[Anonymous]

Ignore the haters, OP. It's easy to tell when someone is saying something nasty about you. That woman is a bitch. Don't let her ruin your nice day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally not a DC thing. I also think it's really poor form for a woman who had her husband there to judge your coping techniques while you had the kids on your own. I learned a lot when my husband went on travel for a month - many of the things we don't do as a family I'm able to pull off because my husband and I do it together. I wouldn't be able to practice the same type of parenting on my own - it's not about philosophical preferences, it's just practicality at a certain point.

I'm sure that woman would have judged you either way - if your kids had made noise, she also would have given you the side eye. You can't win with these people.

Did you see OP's confession that she didn't even hear what the woman said? She is actually the judgmental one. Sounds like pretty insecure, too.

No, that came up after I started writing. I don't know what to make of that one - it's easy to tell when some one's giving you the stink eye, so OP's interpretation is probably spot on, but I totally ignore and avoid eye contact when I can tell some one is actively judging me. I don't want to give the impression that I'm open to a discussion about it, so I just totally shut the person out with my body language. I also try not to attract attention to the issue for my kid - if I'm watching this other person, my kid will turn around to see what's going on. So if I had been in OP's shoes, I wouldn't have watched that lady whisper to her husband. People take it as an invitation.

This.

Come on, people. It really isn't difficult to discern when someone else is saying something unkind. This idea that maybe the woman was just coveting OP's iPhone is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

Just a bummer and frankly are we all teaching our kids to be nasty and judgmental too?

Wait, so you didn't even hear her say anything? Sorry, but you're the problem OP. For all you know, she was whispering "Oh, man, I hope the kids don't see that and ask us to get out the Iphone." Because some people are trying to cut down on their kids' screen time. Big deal.
Or you were playing it too loud and they thought that was rude, and they talked about it in a whispered conversation between husband and wife. Who cares? Sounds like you're looking to be offended.

a) it was not too loud, b) I am 100% sure that she was making a nasty comment. I could see her face and I could see her body language even if I could not hear the words.

Even if it wasn't too loud, you don't know anything. All you know is she was making an unhappy face and looking at your table, and whispering to your husband. She could have been whisper-yelling at him for not getting her an iphone. You don't know. Do you live your life like this all the time? Making negative assumptions about how people are judging you? It's SO much easier if you ignore it unless it's blatant. I'm sure I'm being judged without knowing/paying attention to it and it's so nice to not go around looking for it.

Nope, didn't make any judgments about you. I judged your behavior in this instance. I don't care whether you show your kids a movie, and most certainly would not have given you the stinkeye. I would have thought "Whatever you gotta do when you're on your own with the kids out to eat." But I also don't go around analyzing the looks people give me. Ever heard of "bitchy resting face"? It's real. I'm also a person who has a lot of internal thoughts, sometimes about stuff other than what's going on in front of me, and it probably shows on my face. So I'm certain sometimes people have thought I was directing something at them when I wasn't. Bottom line, though, if this person didn't even say anything you can hear, then you're only hurting yourself by choosing to take it as judgment. I'd have thought "She's probably saying something about me and the iphone, but I don't know for sure, so not gonna worry about it." And thus, I would have moved through the evening without being offended or angry. Much more pleasant.

No, actually I don't make assumptions and I don't assume I am being judged unless I KNOW that I have been. There is such a thing as non-verbal language and that is as telling as the words people use. That is why email is a disaster because people cannot judge tone and body language when people are saying things. Not really worth arguing about it. It was very clear to me that she was talking about me and making a negative comment.

For the record, she was not making an unhappy face. She was making a smug face, but it is easier to remain blissfully unaware if you choose not to recognize social clues.

Lastly, you have made a lot of judgments about me based on a small amount of information, so what does that say about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the haters, OP. It's easy to tell when someone is saying something nasty about you. That woman is a bitch. Don't let her ruin your nice day.

Sure, calling someone a bitch who you don't know, know nothing about, and don't even know for sure if she was saying anything about you -- that's not judgy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, aren't you being judgmental, here, too?

Maybe she suffers from bitchy resting face. Maybe she was saying anything to her husband, and you are too sensitive and making it about you.

No one said anything to you, why do you care what is happening at another table?

As someone said, own your life. Who cares about interpreting what other people may or may not have been saying about you.

I, for one, think there needs to be an awareness fundraiser for BRF.

I can see...brown ribbon magnets, on cars, that say... "BRF Awareness"

Hahaha OMG I almost peed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

Just a bummer and frankly are we all teaching our kids to be nasty and judgmental too?

Wait, so you didn't even hear her say anything? Sorry, but you're the problem OP. For all you know, she was whispering "Oh, man, I hope the kids don't see that and ask us to get out the Iphone." Because some people are trying to cut down on their kids' screen time. Big deal.
Or you were playing it too loud and they thought that was rude, and they talked about it in a whispered conversation between husband and wife. Who cares? Sounds like you're looking to be offended.

a) it was not too loud, b) I am 100% sure that she was making a nasty comment. I could see her face and I could see her body language even if I could not hear the words.

Even if it wasn't too loud, you don't know anything. All you know is she was making an unhappy face and looking at your table, and whispering to your husband. She could have been whisper-yelling at him for not getting her an iphone. You don't know. Do you live your life like this all the time? Making negative assumptions about how people are judging you? It's SO much easier if you ignore it unless it's blatant. I'm sure I'm being judged without knowing/paying attention to it and it's so nice to not go around looking for it.

No, actually I don't make assumptions and I don't assume I am being judged unless I KNOW that I have been. There is such a thing as non-verbal language and that is as telling as the words people use. That is why email is a disaster because people cannot judge tone and body language when people are saying things. Not really worth arguing about it. It was very clear to me that she was talking about me and making a negative comment.

For the record, she was not making an unhappy face. She was making a smug face, but it is easier to remain blissfully unaware if you choose not to recognize social clues.

Lastly, you have made a lot of judgments about me based on a small amount of information, so what does that say about you?

Nope, didn't make any judgments about you. I judged your behavior in this instance. I don't care whether you show your kids a movie, and most certainly would not have given you the stinkeye. I would have thought "Whatever you gotta do when you're on your own with the kids out to eat." But I also don't go around analyzing the looks people give me. Ever heard of "bitchy resting face"? It's real. I'm also a person who has a lot of internal thoughts, sometimes about stuff other than what's going on in front of me, and it probably shows on my face. So I'm certain sometimes people have thought I was directing something at them when I wasn't. Bottom line, though, if this person didn't even say anything you can hear, then you're only hurting yourself by choosing to take it as judgment. I'd have thought "She's probably saying something about me and the iphone, but I don't know for sure, so not gonna worry about it." And thus, I would have moved through the evening without being offended or angry. Much more pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

Just a bummer and frankly are we all teaching our kids to be nasty and judgmental too?

Wait, so you didn't even hear her say anything? Sorry, but you're the problem OP. For all you know, she was whispering "Oh, man, I hope the kids don't see that and ask us to get out the Iphone." Because some people are trying to cut down on their kids' screen time. Big deal.
Or you were playing it too loud and they thought that was rude, and they talked about it in a whispered conversation between husband and wife. Who cares? Sounds like you're looking to be offended.

a) it was not too loud, b) I am 100% sure that she was making a nasty comment. I could see her face and I could see her body language even if I could not hear the words.

Even if it wasn't too loud, you don't know anything. All you know is she was making an unhappy face and looking at your table, and whispering to your husband. She could have been whisper-yelling at him for not getting her an iphone. You don't know. Do you live your life like this all the time? Making negative assumptions about how people are judging you? It's SO much easier if you ignore it unless it's blatant. I'm sure I'm being judged without knowing/paying attention to it and it's so nice to not go around looking for it.

No, actually I don't make assumptions and I don't assume I am being judged unless I KNOW that I have been. There is such a thing as non-verbal language and that is as telling as the words people use. That is why email is a disaster because people cannot judge tone and body language when people are saying things. Not really worth arguing about it. It was very clear to me that she was talking about me and making a negative comment.

For the record, she was not making an unhappy face. She was making a smug face, but it is easier to remain blissfully unaware if you choose not to recognize social clues.

Lastly, you have made a lot of judgments about me based on a small amount of information, so what does that say about you?

You can (judgmentally, I might add) call it "choosing not to recognize social clues". Or, you can call it "choosing not to look for negativity". Up to you, certainly, if you want to experience every bit of negativity that might be directed at you. I'd prefer to ignore the stuff that's more ambiguous and/or doesn't require my response.

[Anonymous]

You are missing a prime opportunity to mess with people like this. Smile and ask them to share their comment with the group, ask their kids to join yours for the movie, etc.

You can have SO much fun messing with smug people.

[Anonymous]

I would say to my kids in a loud enough voice to hear, "We don't talk about others in front of them. We don't do that in our family. It's rude and I never want you to behave that way when you grow up."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say to my kids in a loud enough voice to hear, "We don't talk about others in front of them. We don't do that in our family. It's rude and I never want you to behave that way when you grow up."

So you're teaching them to be judgmental AND passive aggressive! Yay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say to my kids in a loud enough voice to hear, "We don't talk about others in front of them. We don't do that in our family. It's rude and I never want you to behave that way when you grow up."

So you're teaching them to be judgmental AND passive aggressive! Yay!

.
Thank you. Also judging most of the posters on this thread for acting like cats enjoying playing with a mouse before they kill it. Yuck. You suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's so much judgement in DC, it makes me ill. I don't about other areas, as I've lived since '91 and didn't have children at the time, but in 2014, there's plenty of judgement in DC - it's everywhere you turn. Goes beyond parenting - you're judged by your home and then your neighborhood, your vehicle and then the age of your vehicle, what school your children attend, what activities your children are into and then if you're over or under scheduling activities, your job, your income - the list is fucking endless.

People may be judging me by my home, car, children's school, children's activities, job, and income -- but if they are, they're being extremely discreet about it. Or I'm extremely good at denial. One way or the other, it's working for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's so much judgement in DC, it makes me ill. I don't about other areas, as I've lived since '91 and didn't have children at the time, but in 2014, there's plenty of judgement in DC - it's everywhere you turn. Goes beyond parenting - you're judged by your home and then your neighborhood, your vehicle and then the age of your vehicle, what school your children attend, what activities your children are into and then if you're over or under scheduling activities, your job, your income - the list is fucking endless.

People may be judging me by my home, car, children's school, children's activities, job, and income -- but if they are, they're being extremely discreet about it. Or I'm extremely good at denial. One way or the other, it's working for me.

Is this your first time on DCUM? You will be crying soon if you stay. You know what your mom told you growing up, that nobody notices but you? They notice. And they post here. Good luck.