Judgemental DC parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

Just a bummer and frankly are we all teaching our kids to be nasty and judgmental too?

Wait, so you didn't even hear her say anything? Sorry, but you're the problem OP. For all you know, she was whispering "Oh, man, I hope the kids don't see that and ask us to get out the Iphone." Because some people are trying to cut down on their kids' screen time. Big deal.
Or you were playing it too loud and they thought that was rude, and they talked about it in a whispered conversation between husband and wife. Who cares? Sounds like you're looking to be offended.

a) it was not too loud, b) I am 100% sure that she was making a nasty comment. I could see her face and I could see her body language even if I could not hear the words.

Even if it wasn't too loud, you don't know anything. All you know is she was making an unhappy face and looking at your table, and whispering to your husband. She could have been whisper-yelling at him for not getting her an iphone. You don't know. Do you live your life like this all the time? Making negative assumptions about how people are judging you? It's SO much easier if you ignore it unless it's blatant. I'm sure I'm being judged without knowing/paying attention to it and it's so nice to not go around looking for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

Just a bummer and frankly are we all teaching our kids to be nasty and judgmental too?

Wait, so you didn't even hear her say anything? Sorry, but you're the problem OP. For all you know, she was whispering "Oh, man, I hope the kids don't see that and ask us to get out the Iphone." Because some people are trying to cut down on their kids' screen time. Big deal.
Or you were playing it too loud and they thought that was rude, and they talked about it in a whispered conversation between husband and wife. Who cares? Sounds like you're looking to be offended.

a) it was not too loud, b) I am 100% sure that she was making a nasty comment. I could see her face and I could see her body language even if I could not hear the words.

Even if it wasn't too loud, you don't know anything. All you know is she was making an unhappy face and looking at your table, and whispering to your husband. She could have been whisper-yelling at him for not getting her an iphone. You don't know. Do you live your life like this all the time? Making negative assumptions about how people are judging you? It's SO much easier if you ignore it unless it's blatant. I'm sure I'm being judged without knowing/paying attention to it and it's so nice to not go around looking for it.

Sorry, whispering at *her* husband, not yours obviously. Btw, I couldn't care less if you show your kids a movie (as long as it's quiet, which you said it was). But I would have to answer my kids' questions about why they can't do that. You'd probably be offended when I answered them honestly that "we're all out to dinner together, so we'd rather talk". Is that judgment about you too? Because it really isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Using the iPhone is not a problem, but it's inconsiderate to play an audio device within earshot of others. Use earphones or have them play a game that does not require audio.

This. You we're being rude OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I figure when this happens. People for whom it is so important to always be right and show their superiority, in general, are not very happy people. They have some type of inferiority complex in some aspect of their lives so they need to have an outlet in some other area where they can prove how awesome they are.

I usually ignore them, although sometimes I do make a comment back to them just to put them in their place a bit. But overall I feel sorry for them. Feeling good about yourself by putting other people down is a sign of a miserable life.

p.s. my family all lives in a nice Midwestern town and this kind of thing happens there too. It's not just a DC thing.

+1 and I'm sorry you're getting some judgement here too. Happy kids, happy Mom= happy family, its hard to ignore rude mean people I know but they are really just judging themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally not a DC thing. I also think it's really poor form for a woman who had her husband there to judge your coping techniques while you had the kids on your own. I learned a lot when my husband went on travel for a month - many of the things we don't do as a family I'm able to pull off because my husband and I do it together. I wouldn't be able to practice the same type of parenting on my own - it's not about philosophical preferences, it's just practicality at a certain point.

I'm sure that woman would have judged you either way - if your kids had made noise, she also would have given you the side eye. You can't win with these people.

Did you see OP's confession that she didn't even hear what the woman said? She is actually the judgmental one. Sounds like pretty insecure, too.

No, that came up after I started writing. I don't know what to make of that one - it's easy to tell when some one's giving you the stink eye, so OP's interpretation is probably spot on, but I totally ignore and avoid eye contact when I can tell some one is actively judging me. I don't want to give the impression that I'm open to a discussion about it, so I just totally shut the person out with my body language. I also try not to attract attention to the issue for my kid - if I'm watching this other person, my kid will turn around to see what's going on. So if I had been in OP's shoes, I wouldn't have watched that lady whisper to her husband. People take it as an invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

She was saying "isnt that nice how they have this new technology nowadays, the kids can just relax a little and watch a short program while they wait for their food? Wish those were around when we had young kids! I like how they keep the volume low. They seem like a nice family. "

Now dont you feel bad ?


-Only judgey people call others or think of others as judgey. I just dont think of others as "judgey" because I am not that way myself. I simply consider it "unfortunate they disagree with the choice I have made, but I have no control over their thinking." Those who control your thinking control your life, even for short periods of time.

Own your life.

[Anonymous]

There's so much judgement in DC, it makes me ill. I don't about other areas, as I've lived since '91 and didn't have children at the time, but in 2014, there's plenty of judgement in DC - it's everywhere you turn. Goes beyond parenting - you're judged by your home and then your neighborhood, your vehicle and then the age of your vehicle, what school your children attend, what activities your children are into and then if you're over or under scheduling activities, your job, your income - the list is fucking endless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

Just a bummer and frankly are we all teaching our kids to be nasty and judgmental too?

Wait, so you didn't even hear her say anything? Sorry, but you're the problem OP. For all you know, she was whispering "Oh, man, I hope the kids don't see that and ask us to get out the Iphone." Because some people are trying to cut down on their kids' screen time. Big deal.
Or you were playing it too loud and they thought that was rude, and they talked about it in a whispered conversation between husband and wife. Who cares? Sounds like you're looking to be offended.

a) it was not too loud, b) I am 100% sure that she was making a nasty comment. I could see her face and I could see her body language even if I could not hear the words.

Even if it wasn't too loud, you don't know anything. All you know is she was making an unhappy face and looking at your table, and whispering to your husband. She could have been whisper-yelling at him for not getting her an iphone. You don't know. Do you live your life like this all the time? Making negative assumptions about how people are judging you? It's SO much easier if you ignore it unless it's blatant. I'm sure I'm being judged without knowing/paying attention to it and it's so nice to not go around looking for it.

No, actually I don't make assumptions and I don't assume I am being judged unless I KNOW that I have been. There is such a thing as non-verbal language and that is as telling as the words people use. That is why email is a disaster because people cannot judge tone and body language when people are saying things. Not really worth arguing about it. It was very clear to me that she was talking about me and making a negative comment.

For the record, she was not making an unhappy face. She was making a smug face, but it is easier to remain blissfully unaware if you choose not to recognize social clues.

Lastly, you have made a lot of judgments about me based on a small amount of information, so what does that say about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's so much judgement in DC, it makes me ill. I don't about other areas, as I've lived since '91 and didn't have children at the time, but in 2014, there's plenty of judgement in DC - it's everywhere you turn. Goes beyond parenting - you're judged by your home and then your neighborhood, your vehicle and then the age of your vehicle, what school your children attend, what activities your children are into and then if you're over or under scheduling activities, your job, your income - the list is fucking endless.

Project much? You may want to evaluate what you think of others and what YOU look at in other people. Its easy to blame a place or a culture, but YOU are part of it too. All one can do is be the best person one can be.

I dont think of myself as judged by these things, because I dont judge others by these things. People are free to think whatever they want, about me or my family or anyone else.

I'm even happy to explain the reasoning behind any choices we have made, if anyone ever wants to have a discussion. But thankfully nobody ever wants to discuss. So I can keep on actually living and not being concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not sure what she said. She watched me pull out the phone and as soon as I put the phone down, she started whispering in her husband's ear as she was staring at the phone on the table and he then turned to look at it, so I can be 100% sure that is what she was talking about.

She was saying "isnt that nice how they have this new technology nowadays, the kids can just relax a little and watch a short program while they wait for their food? Wish those were around when we had young kids! I like how they keep the volume low. They seem like a nice family. "

Now dont you feel bad ?


-Only judgey people call others or think of others as judgey. I just dont think of others as "judgey" because I am not that way myself. I simply consider it "unfortunate they disagree with the choice I have made, but I have no control over their thinking." Those who control your thinking control your life, even for short periods of time.

Own your life.

Blah - I give up. Think what you like. I was there, I know what she was saying and it was not kind.


BTW - judgmental is a word, "judgey" is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Own your life.

This. Thank you madam. Or sir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, actually I don't make assumptions and I don't assume I am being judged unless I KNOW that I have been. There is such a thing as non-verbal language and that is as telling as the words people use. That is why email is a disaster because people cannot judge tone and body language when people are saying things. Not really worth arguing about it. It was very clear to me that she was talking about me and making a negative comment.

For the record, she was not making an unhappy face. She was making a smug face, but it is easier to remain blissfully unaware if you choose not to recognize social clues.

Lastly, you have made a lot of judgments about me based on a small amount of information, so what does that say about you?

I'm sorry other people bother you so fully and so definitely without actually verbalizing anything. Having skin that thin might be reason to consult a dermatoligist at the first opportunity.

You need to have the mental equivalent of a "Spam" button that your email has. And use it for situations like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's so much judgement in DC, it makes me ill. I don't about other areas, as I've lived since '91 and didn't have children at the time, but in 2014, there's plenty of judgement in DC - it's everywhere you turn. Goes beyond parenting - you're judged by your home and then your neighborhood, your vehicle and then the age of your vehicle, what school your children attend, what activities your children are into and then if you're over or under scheduling activities, your job, your income - the list is fucking endless.

Project much? You may want to evaluate what you think of others and what YOU look at in other people. Its easy to blame a place or a culture, but YOU are part of it too. All one can do is be the best person one can be.

I dont think of myself as judged by these things, because I dont judge others by these things. People are free to think whatever they want, about me or my family or anyone else.

I'm even happy to explain the reasoning behind any choices we have made, if anyone ever wants to have a discussion. But thankfully nobody ever wants to discuss. So I can keep on actually living and not being concerned.

This. I mean, I'm sure some people are judging me because I don't make a ton of money and my house isn't perfect and I don't even own a car, but I really don't care, and I certainly don't judge others based on those things. I decide whether I want to be friends with someone or spend time with them based on whether they are kind and interesting and I enjoy their company. I couldn't even tell you what kind of cars my friends drive, let alone how old they are. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, aren't you being judgmental, here, too?

Maybe she suffers from bitchy resting face. Maybe she was saying anything to her husband, and you are too sensitive and making it about you.

No one said anything to you, why do you care what is happening at another table?

As someone said, own your life. Who cares about interpreting what other people may or may not have been saying about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's so much judgement in DC, it makes me ill. I don't about other areas, as I've lived since '91 and didn't have children at the time, but in 2014, there's plenty of judgement in DC - it's everywhere you turn. Goes beyond parenting - you're judged by your home and then your neighborhood, your vehicle and then the age of your vehicle, what school your children attend, what activities your children are into and then if you're over or under scheduling activities, your job, your income - the list is fucking endless.

Project much? You may want to evaluate what you think of others and what YOU look at in other people. Its easy to blame a place or a culture, but YOU are part of it too. All one can do is be the best person one can be.

I dont think of myself as judged by these things, because I dont judge others by these things. People are free to think whatever they want, about me or my family or anyone else.

I'm even happy to explain the reasoning behind any choices we have made, if anyone ever wants to have a discussion. But thankfully nobody ever wants to discuss. So I can keep on actually living and not being concerned.

+1. I don't feel judged for any of those things, ever. If you do it's because you somehow buy into that mindset. That kind of competition is not a part of our life.