Husband Not Spending Birthday with wife and kids, but brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking your husband's behavior is normal for a 37-year-old man but your reaction is not normal for a 37-(or whatever) year-old woman. It's just one day, and I'm guessing the events on it couldn't be easily rescheduling (being sports games).

That said, how much warning did he give you? Was this a sudden whim or have you known about it for awhile?

Agreed. OP sounds like a whiny drama queen martyr with no interests or hobbies or friends. DH is probably desperate to get away from her boring SAH ass.

Rude, rude, rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's HIS birthday, right??? In our house, the birthday guy or gal gets to call the shots. This is what he wants to do. Let the guy enjoy his birthday. And he said he wants to spend Sunday with you and the kids. Please don't say that Sunday won't be his actual birthday. It's a birthday weekend. The more days it's celebrated, the better.

This isn't a case of "other wives taking it in stride.". It's about you being his partner and supporting his interests. Just because your ideal birthday might be focused on spending it with him and the kids doesn't mean that is your spouse's ideal. You each have your own way you like to celebrate and you support each other. That's what couples do.

This DW of 20+ years agrees 100%!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband came home and apologized, however, I find your advice/comments to be very interesting. I wonder whether it is ingrained in the female DNA to tear into each other.

What was the apology for? What did he say he did wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband came home and apologized, however, I find your advice/comments to be very interesting. I wonder whether it is ingrained in the female DNA to tear into each other.

Why do you assume everyone here is female? Scroll to the top of the page--it says DC Urban moms AND dads.

It actually says DC Urban Moms and Dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking your husband's behavior is normal for a 37-year-old man but your reaction is not normal for a 37-(or whatever) year-old woman. It's just one day, and I'm guessing the events on it couldn't be easily rescheduling (being sports games).

That said, how much warning did he give you? Was this a sudden whim or have you known about it for awhile?

Agreed. OP sounds like a whiny drama queen martyr with no interests or hobbies or friends. DH is probably desperate to get away from her boring SAH ass.

I have plenty of friends, interests, and hobbies. You are truly awful. I appreciate constructive criticism, but you are truly heartless.

A bit strongly worded, but (NP here) I agree the poster wasn't kind. There's a valid point buried inside the poster's snark: your language in your posts is dramatic. If you were a friend of mine, I'd be concerned for you and wondering if there's a bigger issue that's behind all of this.

[Anonymous]

21:32 (mean heartless poster) here.

I stand by what I said. You sound like you have nothing else going on in your life and your tone is VERY dramatic and martyrish, like one of those teenage girls who would write poems about death and dress in long white nightgown dresses. Actually, to be more accurate, you write like a jilted Victorian lover with lots of melodramatic phrasing and piety! Your phrasing is so stilted, it honestly sounds trollish.

My husband desired to spend his birthday 2 hours away with his brother and nephew by attending football games for a traveling team.

I am absolutely crushed.

I am terribly upset and not sure if this is normal for a 37 year old man or is there something wrong with me as to why he would not want to at least be home with us.

I was unsure if this happens with other wives who take it in stride.

I wonder whether it is ingrained in the female DNA to tear into each other.

Can't you hear how off you sound compared to the way everyone else is communicating? I'll repeat what I said. Your reaction + this post = not normal. I'm saying this seriously and without snark: if you have a history of mental illness, or a family history even, please see someone asap. Because you can live a happier and more fulfilled life than you have now.

[Anonymous]

OP -- is this a one-time thing, or does your DH frequently want to spend his free time with someone besides you and the kids?

Your reaction seems strong, which I could understand if (1) DH ALWAYS spends his birthday with you and the kids or (2) if never being home has become his habit and you're sick of it.

I suspect #2, since you mentioned that you're basically a single parent, taking care of the kids "by yourself" after work and on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op...did he ask if he could stay for dinner? Or did he call you, ask if you were still going to be up and if you were not, he was going to eat dinner with his brother? You indicated the latter in your op. And honestly, if you told him you'd be asleep or to have dinner with his brother then you cant complain or be upset. Honestly, you're startibg to sound really whiny and I'm starting to agree with the more blunt pps

Our original plan was to have dinner together at a restaurant with the kids and the highschool football intramural games (8 games total played today) ran late. He called twice - once to say he would be home too late for dinner at a restaurant and the last call asking whether I would be up.

This would piss me off. In our family, plans with the kids -- especially those that involve a celebration -- do not get broken, except in an emergency. Wanting to spend the day doing a particular activity would not bother me, but cancelling dinner absolutely would. He should have left early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- is this a one-time thing, or does your DH frequently want to spend his free time with someone besides you and the kids?

Your reaction seems strong, which I could understand if (1) DH ALWAYS spends his birthday with you and the kids or (2) if never being home has become his habit and you're sick of it.

I suspect #2, since you mentioned that you're basically a single parent, taking care of the kids "by yourself" after work and on weekends.

OP, if this is the case then get thee to a marriage counselor or retreat ASAP if DH will go. This was part of our long slide of increasing disconnection by DH, we are now divorcing. He grabbed the next good thing that came along and bailed, he had put so little in for so long that it was no big deal to him. If your DH is really disconnected, then try to address it directly. If this is a one off thing then I think your language does sound a bit, I dunno, florid.

[Anonymous]

Woman here- I'm a huge hockey fan and do roadtrips with my team all the time (without DH because he doesn't like hockey). My BDay is during the playoffs, so I always travel for my team, we just celebrate on another day. It's MY birthday, and DH is totally cool a out me spending my birthday the way I want.

It's not your day OP.

[Anonymous]

*about, not "a out"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's plans sound perfectly reasonable to me. Why can't you just celebrate at another time? I don't get your reaction at all.

[b]

+1

[Anonymous]

If this is what it takes to crush you, OP, then you won't last long as a DW.

Let your DH enjoy his birthday and sleep well knowing that you always have Chipotle.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

I think it is weird that your DH went to your nephew's games. It's not like he was seeing a favorite college or professional team play, as many posters seem to think. But I also agree with the crowd saying that the birthday person gets to decide. I would have been really disappointed about the dinner. I know my 4 year old would be really sad if her daddy wasn't home for a planned birthday dinner. I hope you get it all worked out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op...did he ask if he could stay for dinner? Or did he call you, ask if you were still going to be up and if you were not, he was going to eat dinner with his brother? You indicated the latter in your op. And honestly, if you told him you'd be asleep or to have dinner with his brother then you cant complain or be upset. Honestly, you're startibg to sound really whiny and I'm starting to agree with the more blunt pps

Our original plan was to have dinner together at a restaurant with the kids and the highschool football intramural games (8 games total played today) ran late. He called twice - once to say he would be home too late for dinner at a restaurant and the last call asking whether I would be up.

This would piss me off. In our family, plans with the kids -- especially those that involve a celebration -- do not get broken, except in an emergency. Wanting to spend the day doing a particular activity would not bother me, but cancelling dinner absolutely would. He should have left early.

+1