Husband Not Spending Birthday with wife and kids, but brother

[Anonymous]

Does your husband spend his birthday with you (meaning his wife and kids) if it falls on a weekend? My husband desired to spend his birthday 2 hours away with his brother and nephew by attending football games for a traveling team. Then as he is traveling back in the evening time he asks whether I will be up because if not then he will have dinner with his brother -- I am absolutely crushed. He said that he would spend the next day with myself and his sons, but shouldn't he want to spend his birthday with us? In the meantime, I bought him gifts from our sons, myself, cards, and cake. I am terribly upset and not sure if this is normal for a 37 year old man or is there something wrong with me as to why he would not want to at least be home with us.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you go with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you go with him?

I was not asked to, but told what he wanted for his birthday was to go to the football game.

[Anonymous]

Your husband's plans sound perfectly reasonable to me. Why can't you just celebrate at another time? I don't get your reaction at all.

[Anonymous]

It sounds fine, if there were no kids. But he needs to consider that they probably want to spend the day with him.

[Anonymous]

It seems reasonable to me since there was a reason to hang out with his brother (the football game) vs just wanting to spend time with him. Plus he called to ask if you'd be around for dinner. Obviously you were his first choice, but if you were going to sleep he didnt want to have his bday dinner alone. And he is making plans with all of you for the day after. I wouldnt be upset at all. For my birthday last year i spent about 75% of my bday with a girlfriend at a spa. It was what i wanted to do for it. I had takeout and a cupcake with dh that night and we celebrated my birthday together the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's plans sound perfectly reasonable to me. Why can't you just celebrate at another time? I don't get your reaction at all.

Thank you for your input. I suppose you believe I am overreacting. I was unsure if this happens with other wives who take it in stride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems reasonable to me since there was a reason to hang out with his brother (the football game) vs just wanting to spend time with him. Plus he called to ask if you'd be around for dinner. Obviously you were his first choice, but if you were going to sleep he didnt want to have his bday dinner alone. And he is making plans with all of you for the day after. I wouldnt be upset at all. For my birthday last year i spent about 75% of my bday with a girlfriend at a spa. It was what i wanted to do for it. I had takeout and a cupcake with dh that night and we celebrated my birthday together the next day.

Thanks. Do you have kids and if not would you think differently if you did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds fine, if there were no kids. But he needs to consider that they probably want to spend the day with him.

He's spending the next day with him. Since I'm assuming they are so young that they didnt attend the football game, i doubt they even realize they would be celebrating a bday the next day. However, if they are old enough where they could have attended the whole day at the game (my 9 year old nephew wouldnt bebe able to) id be a little miffed.

[Anonymous]

He went to a little league football game for his nephew and did not take his kids. That is odd.

[Anonymous]

Crushed? For real or just hyperbole.

I'm guessing you are reading a lot more into this than actually exists.

[Anonymous]

20:47 here. How old are the kids? If they are little, i don't think it matters since they really wouldnt understand the difference a day makes (unless you make a big deal out of it to them). But, growing up, i can also remember my dad taking my brother and i to a red sox game so my mom could have "kid free" time on her bday or going shopping with my mom so my dad could go to a game with some buddies. Only happened a couple of times though. And i never cared because we still did the birthday celebration at some point.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't think it was unreasonable for DH to spend it with his brother, HOWEVER, I wouldn't be able to help feeling totally dissapointed. I would understand mentally, but not emotionally, so I feel for you OP. I don't think he's doing it bc he doesn't love you though. He just wants to hang with his bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's plans sound perfectly reasonable to me. Why can't you just celebrate at another time? I don't get your reaction at all.

Thank you for your input. I suppose you believe I am overreacting. I was unsure if this happens with other wives who take it in stride.

Yeah, I do. It's not like he was just ditching you. There was just something he really wanted to do and the plans with your family were not date specific. It's fine to celebrate the day before or after.

[Anonymous]

It's HIS birthday, right??? In our house, the birthday guy or gal gets to call the shots. This is what he wants to do. Let the guy enjoy his birthday. And he said he wants to spend Sunday with you and the kids. Please don't say that Sunday won't be his actual birthday. It's a birthday weekend. The more days it's celebrated, the better.

This isn't a case of "other wives taking it in stride.". It's about you being his partner and supporting his interests. Just because your ideal birthday might be focused on spending it with him and the kids doesn't mean that is your spouse's ideal. You each have your own way you like to celebrate and you support each other. That's what couples do.