How one DH perceives DW who complains he isn't pitching in enough

[Anonymous]

Op, if there was ever a person who needs "Ashley Madison" it you. Why are you still married to her??

[Anonymous]

OP, I swear I was going to post a similar situation that you are dealing with today. Trust me, I know there are plenty of SAHM's who have been feeling like you and I feel forever. You guys have all my admiration. I am at my wits end. I not going to run down at list of things that I do for my kids and DW. I will point out one that drives me crazy. I go to work at 7:00pm and work Saturdays a couple of months. She has a 9 to 5. I have this "jacked up" schedule because I worked from home for 2 years prior while my DW had health issues while she was pregnant. When she went back to work I watched our....TWINS for over a year, by myself. We also have a 5th grade girl. I made a deal with management so I could be home to do the Daddy Daycare thing.Now I have to work my new schedule. The issue is during the week, I'm up by 5:00 getting things ready for the morning chaos. Clothes are ready, breakfast made, lunch pack( just started doing school lunches for my daughter) and we are leaving the house by 7:50. All during this time my DW is sipping coffee, reading a magazine and slowly getting dress to go to work. She leaves the about a 8:45. Very seldom does she pitches in to help in the morning unless I'm doing something that doesn't meet her approval. Usually it is hair or clothes. We used to fight about the "Johnny come lately" approach but now I'm to worn out to put up a fight. When I do talk to her about this problem and others. I get hit with the "are you calling me a bad mother" attitude. She is not a bad mother. But she is either lazy or spoiled.
I don't want a medal. I want to be appreciated. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, if there was ever a person who needs "Ashley Madison" it you. Why are you still married to her??

Oh, yeah. Having an affair will really help.



OP, in sickness and health in your vows? Get her to a doctor asap.

[Anonymous]

OP, what does your wife contribute on a daily or weekly basis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I swear I was going to post a similar situation that you are dealing with today. Trust me, I know there are plenty of SAHM's who have been feeling like you and I feel forever. You guys have all my admiration. I am at my wits end. I not going to run down at list of things that I do for my kids and DW. I will point out one that drives me crazy. I go to work at 7:00pm and work Saturdays a couple of months. She has a 9 to 5. I have this "jacked up" schedule because I worked from home for 2 years prior while my DW had health issues while she was pregnant. When she went back to work I watched our....TWINS for over a year, by myself. We also have a 5th grade girl. I made a deal with management so I could be home to do the Daddy Daycare thing.Now I have to work my new schedule. The issue is during the week, I'm up by 5:00 getting things ready for the morning chaos. Clothes are ready, breakfast made, lunch pack( just started doing school lunches for my daughter) and we are leaving the house by 7:50. All during this time my DW is sipping coffee, reading a magazine and slowly getting dress to go to work. She leaves the about a 8:45. Very seldom does she pitches in to help in the morning unless I'm doing something that doesn't meet her approval. Usually it is hair or clothes. We used to fight about the "Johnny come lately" approach but now I'm to worn out to put up a fight. When I do talk to her about this problem and others. I get hit with the "are you calling me a bad mother" attitude. She is not a bad mother. But she is either lazy or spoiled.
I don't want a medal. I want to be appreciated. That's it.

DW's listen up! This is what your man needs!

[Anonymous]

And it's funny, when a woman posted not that long ago that she just wanted to feel appreciated, and hear thanks every now and then, she got KILLED.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to set aside a day or weekend when you and your wife can spend some time alone, without kids, and talk about your marriage and where your lives are going. Maybe it's time for her to go back to work or school. Maybe she isn't happy and is being passive aggressive. Who knows. But it's worth trying.

[Anonymous]

You're both passive aggressive. Try speaking kindly to her. Always. See how it changes her method of speaking to you.

Kindness goes a long way and should be the first step before therapy. And try to understand why she's reacting the way she does - and help her to understand it.

I'm a bit shocked at the way you talk about her, to be frank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, OP, reading your latest post makes me even more convinced she needs professional help. She does sound chronically depressed, and for your kids' sake, she should get help.

I would agree and I would add that for the sake of your relationship she needs to get into counseling. You might also consider individual counseling because what you describe just doesn't not sound healthy or sustainable. My DH suffers from depression and what you're describing is his 'base' depression, not the spike that he has sometimes that is much more evident. Medication made a huge difference for him and it's like I got back the man I fell in love with. Something to think about.

Also, your ARE a rock star and deserve better than what you've gotten. Ignore the harpies on this thread and hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Me too 13:34. Contempt just oozing from every post. The crack about her mental health issues that he heard about only AFTER they got married. What a douche.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are investing a lot of time and energy in chores and the kids - when was the last time you got out regularly one on one with your wife? Putting some kindness and time there might work wonders.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is a sahm? You are a saint! If they were babies I could possibly understand , but otherwise this is crazy!! My husband does very, very little around the house, but he works hard, and is a good husband and father. As a sahm with school aged kids I can tell you there is plenty of time to keep the house clean and organized and also welcoming for family and friends. I feel very fortunate to be able to do that. Before I get slammed, as a sahm of school aged kids there also is time to exercise, volunteer, hear an interesting lecture, visit museums, etc. Is she depressed???

[Anonymous]

The OP mentioned 7 tasks or chores that he did (if you count feeding and spending tine with your children a chore). Only one of those things is ongoing (the weekend time with the kids. So he did 6 things for the house. This makes him a saint?
We are hearing one side of this. Much much more goes into managing a household than what he has listed here, and I'm going to cry BS if he says she literally just sits around. He's not telling us what else she does because this is a vent. That's OK. That's what people do. But to sit there and praise this guy for doing things around the house is ridiculous. To be upset for him because she's criticizing him, sure. Act like he's Man of the Year for cleaning a toilet? No way.
OP is way too caught up in his anger and as the other PPs said passive aggression to be honest about what she does to keep the house running. It would ruin his Man of the Year facade.

[Anonymous]

I'm (13:14) glad the OP isn't getting bashed and there is some very thoughtful women that can see that this guy is trying hard to hold it together. When the shoe is on the other foot, there isn't many married guy friends that understand what in the hell I'm talking about because their DW is doing most of the work.

[Anonymous]

A couple weeks ago when we had the snow, my husband got up early that morning to get the grocery store for a few things we needed, so I didn't have to. I planned to make chili that night, so on the list I put "sharp cheddar cheese." He brought home everything on the list but when I pulled out the cheese it was mild. My FIRST thought was "I wrote down sharp" but I caught myself and realized, Hey, it doesn't matter. He did me a favor, he got up and went to the store, and it would make me a queen BITCH to point out the one tiny mistake he made from the list. Instead, I thanked him. After reading OP's list, I REALLY hope that instinct sticks with me throughout our marriage. I don't blame you for venting about this OP, I just know if I was your wife and I read how awful I came across to you, I'd be so ashamed of myself. I wonder if it even occurs to her, either before or after, how bad her behavior is.