I don't get all the frills about TTC

[Anonymous]

Wow, a bunch of people on this thread really got up on the wrong side of the bed today, huh? Just want to kick people while they're down? People struggling with infertility, parents of special needs children? Who's next? Here's a thought- keep your insensitive judgments to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Why would you be upset about people wanting to act in a way that doesn't intentionally hurt the feelings of someone else?

It's called being polite -- you fucking bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be upset about people wanting to act in a way that doesn't intentionally hurt the feelings of someone else?

It's called being polite -- you fucking bitch.

Ever heard of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be upset about people wanting to act in a way that doesn't intentionally hurt the feelings of someone else?

It's called being polite -- you fucking bitch.

How ironic.

[Anonymous]

I have a family member who is the world's angriest infertile person. Like, hearing someone is pregnant makes her infuriated and she feels personally insulted. I think she's being ridiculous. But, I also realize it's also a sensitive topic. I try to be sensitive of people I love. I'm not sensitive to a point where it undermines my own excitement and happiness (for example, posting baby pics on FB). Some of us need to quit being such a bitter bettys and some of us need to be more sensitive to those around us. There's enough blame for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The couple of people I know who expect special treatment because they are TTC are also high maintenance, self-centered people. One of them was obsessed with getting married and upset that "everyone else was married" except for her. Then she got married and began focusing on getting the right job. That didn't quite work out but she then shifted focus to TTC. So I think to a large extent it is personality-driven and these folks are upset over one thing or another and expect the world to cater to them because of it.

I'm not suggesting that TTC isn't extremely difficult or unfair. I went through it myself. I experienced sadness and jealousy when others were pregnant or had children. It was hurtful. Yet I did not change my outward behavior towards others or expect them to hide their kids.

I don't think that TTC people are high maintenance, self-centered people - only the ones that tell everyone that they are TTC. Most people only tell their closest friends and suffer the pain of their losses without everyone knowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I don't see the difference between paying for IVF for a 44 year old, and paying for a heart stent for a 75 year old.

Really? IVF is for infertilty: infertility is not a life threatening disorder Heart stent is for heart disease: a life threatening disorder

I completely see the difference. A woman will not die without IVF, when needed. A 75 yr old will likely die without a heart stent, when needed.

In some countries having a child if that is what you want regardless of your ability to fork out 10s of thousands of dollars is considered a right. Many people are infertile after cancer treatments, ectopic pregnancies and the treatment for this may be IVF. breast reconstruction is paid for after cancer why not the associated infertility. Also, when people have insurance coverage for IVF they are much more likely to transfer fewer embryos thus reducing the cost of multiple pregnancies and the high cost associated with medical care for the mother and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The couple of people I know who expect special treatment because they are TTC are also high maintenance, self-centered people. One of them was obsessed with getting married and upset that "everyone else was married" except for her. Then she got married and began focusing on getting the right job. That didn't quite work out but she then shifted focus to TTC. So I think to a large extent it is personality-driven and these folks are upset over one thing or another and expect the world to cater to them because of it.

I don't think that TTC people are high maintenance, self-centered people - only the ones that tell everyone that they are TTC. Most people only tell their closest friends and suffer the pain of their losses without everyone knowing.

re-read this person's post. she was saying the ones who were self-centered and high maintenance already were the ones who were expecting special treatment, not all people TTC. And I agree that MOST deal with this issue in private (with the support of their nearest and dearest) - which is honestly where it belongs.

I am chatty and gossipy in most areas of my life - this is NOT one of them.

[Anonymous]

I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN PEOPLE ANNOUCNE THAT THEY ARE TTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There. I said it.

WTF? Can we please go back to a time when couples kept this personal information to themselves? DH and I never once made this announcement to anyone. I find it creepy. Do you really want to announce you are having sex to everyone that will listen?

We happened to get knocked up the first try both times and I partly think it was due to lack of pressure. We didn't have the awkwardness of a team of people waiting for an announcement or asking how it was going.

Now if somebody has been trying without success and needs to vent, etc...that is something else entirely and I am all ears.

I just don't want to know the fat guy over in accounting is trying to knock his new wife up.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's fair to paint all women who are TTC with the same brush. Certainly, some of them are unreasonable, self-centered, and self-involved, but that is true of many people in many facets of their life. But would it hurt you to understand some people don't feel exactly like you do about things-like having children? Maybe you've tried, not succeeded, and as you state yourself, are fine with it. But not everyone is, and have some respect for them! I have a close friend who is suffering from secondary infertility, and you better believe I am careful what I say around her. Does she expect me to be? No. But that's what people who were raised properly do, especially for a friend. I think you need to be careful that you're so upset over egg-shell walking you don't go the opposite direction...

Over-the-top actions, like urging for an abortion, or cutting off family due to them having children are obviously ridiculous. But I don't think most women who are TTC demand egg-shell walking. IMO, it's completely normal for someone not to want to see tons of pics of adorable children while they themselves are dealing with not having their own. They aren't demanding special treatment, just being honest about how they feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about a comparison to married people vs. non-married people? I'm sympathetic toward those who are TTC, but my sympathy ends when they do ridiculous things like asking people not to post baby pics on FB or whatever. (which happened to a friend of mine.) That would be like me - a never-married person - requesting that nobody post wedding pictures or pictures of them with their husbands because it makes me feel bad for myself because I want to get married but can't find a husband. Unfortunately, not everyone gets everything they want in life. (but yes, usually I'm sympathetic - I understand the drive to have a baby.)

OP here and I apologize for the bad examples... This is exactly what I was talking about and your example was GREAT! Thanks!

A friend of mine just told me she blocked our common friend because she "can't take those baby pictures any longer" and I was like WHAAAAAAAAAAT? :SHOCK:

Timing is different though--if someone is actively grieving, if they are just realizing that they will never have kids or their mom just died it can feel a lot different to see those pictures vs one or twoyears later. when i lost a pregnancy at 5 mo you better believe I didn't want to deal with baby stuff for a while--that said, feelings do change over time.

[Anonymous]

For those of u with compassion for ttc'ing people, thank you! For those judging women ttc #1 in their 40's....it is not always by first choice. I am 43 and single, and having had no luck in the romancesepartment, have been trying (unsuccessfully so far) to have a bay on my own. It was not by choice tha it I waited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN PEOPLE ANNOUCNE THAT THEY ARE TTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There. I said it.

WTF? Can we please go back to a time when couples kept this personal information to themselves? DH and I never once made this announcement to anyone. I find it creepy. Do you really want to announce you are having sex to everyone that will listen?

We happened to get knocked up the first try both times and I partly think it was due to lack of pressure. We didn't have the awkwardness of a team of people waiting for an announcement or asking how it was going.

Now if somebody has been trying without success and needs to vent, etc...that is something else entirely and I am all ears.

I just don't want to know the fat guy over in accounting is trying to knock his new wife up.

Ew. You mean random people and work colleagues tell you they're TTC? That's strange. No one knew we were except for my mother and sister. And, only a few of my close friends told me they were TTC.

Is announcing it a new "thing"? Cause I missed that one...

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I also did not have the finances to persue fertility treatments before I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHEN PEOPLE ANNOUCNE THAT THEY ARE TTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There. I said it.

WTF? Can we please go back to a time when couples kept this personal information to themselves? DH and I never once made this announcement to anyone. I find it creepy. Do you really want to announce you are having sex to everyone that will listen?

We happened to get knocked up the first try both times and I partly think it was due to lack of pressure. We didn't have the awkwardness of a team of people waiting for an announcement or asking how it was going.

Now if somebody has been trying without success and needs to vent, etc...that is something else entirely and I am all ears.

I just don't want to know the fat guy over in accounting is trying to knock his new wife up.

Absolutely with you on this one. Congrats - you're humping like bunnies?