I don't get all the frills about TTC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me just veer slightly off topic here to debunk a popular stereotype. I have lived in this area for most of my life (I'm in my 40's). I'm a partner in a law firm, and many of my friends are professionals. I've seen lots of women who didn't find a partner until relatively late in life struggle with infertility. I've haven't seen ONE married woman delay childbearing until her 40's (or even late 30's) to climb the career ladder. So while it may be common sense to realize that fertility declines with age, let's not just assume that women who are having a hard time conceiving in their 30's and 40's delayed childbearing for for selfish or career reasons. A little compassion, people.

I haven't lived in dc as long as you have, but I've met 2 women who admitted to delaying having children for the sake of their careers. Most women who do this won't admit it because it's very unpopular to do and they open themselves up to lots of criticism.

[Anonymous]

I think most women in this area delay having children because of their careers. Maybe not into their forties, but certainly while in school, establishing themselves in the professional world, etc. Even if its just into their early 30's, I don't think it's the exception. And I don't think it's a bad thing. In other words, most women in this area especially are not having children right away even if they married in their 20's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exactly. OP and the "life is hard, grow a pair" folks here- congrats on your thick skins and unfaltering self esteem. You have prove that you are superior to everyone else here.

At least we move forward instead of being stuck in a rut.

So, by your reasoning, it's bad to have health self-esteem.

interesting . . .

Go take your Prozac and drown yourself in your Vodka tonics then.

I always wonder if people feel guilty after saying something like that to a stranger. You should, because it's just evil.

I don't feel guilty. I find, however, that women who define themselves in such a narrow way do become bitter. My mother got married at 18 and was "infertile" for 11 years before I came along. Did she want more children? yes - However, she has never "allowed" anyone to make her feel bad by their constant questioning - "Why did you only have one?" "Don't you think you were selfish not to have a sibling for your daughter?" People are curious, and if they pass curious and enter into the obnoxious state, move on.

There's no sense in being bitter over things you CAN'T control!

I hate a pity party and would rather enjoy my healthy self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Does enjoying your self esteem need to include overly hateful comments to strangers. If yes, I question your "self esteem".

[Anonymous]

That's fine, PP but you could have chosen a more reasonable way of explaining your opinion (as you did above) than saying someone should take Prozac and drown themselves in vodka. It's certainly colorful, but not very nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does enjoying your self esteem need to include overly hateful comments to strangers. If yes, I question your "self esteem".

x2

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else think that the title of this thread makes no sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's fine, PP but you could have chosen a more reasonable way of explaining your opinion (as you did above) than saying someone should take Prozac and drown themselves in vodka. It's certainly colorful, but not very nice.

Colorful is fun! No one has ever accused me of being a Wonder Bread kind of gal!

You are proof of OP's post - being offended at everything. I have my friends. We're very similar in how we handle situations, especially difficult ones. I am not pretending to be a victimized Pollyanna. Nor am I claiming to be nice 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

You're not a Pollyanna, you're a rude bitch who gets her kicks by saying terrible things to others. Have some fucking empathy or, at least, manners.

[Anonymous]

Also, enclosing someone to either drink a lot or commit suicide is not "everything". It's awful and you should be ashamed. Seriously, it's bad.

[Anonymous]

OP here and Wow! I'm amazed with all the PPs who agreed or somehow shared my POV.

We've been so careful about what we post after we learned the friend blocked the kid posting gal that I thought my position would be the minority.

As a PP mentioned, our group is mostly made of 30 something ladies who are pretty happy with their decisions. Some had their kids early on, most held on until their careers were well established and others didn't want kids at all. Just a few had trouble TTC and just one is playing the victm.

I understand being empathetic and respecting grief but should we walk in eggshells all 8 years she's been trying? Nah, I don't think so either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not a Pollyanna, you're a rude bitch who gets her kicks by saying terrible things to others. Have some fucking empathy or, at least, manners.

uh yeah

I never said I was a Pollyanna - quite the opposite, in fact.

But this is not about me, as I have two kids conceived w/o the help of a fertility expert at a "ripe old age." But I at least recognize I was lucky. And prior to marriage and kids, I was just fine - a career woman.

Again, most of you who are offended by OP's position are proving her point. Save your eggshells for children's art projects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most women in this area delay having children because of their careers. Maybe not into their forties, but certainly while in school, establishing themselves in the professional world, etc. Even if its just into their early 30's, I don't think it's the exception. And I don't think it's a bad thing. In other words, most women in this area especially are not having children right away even if they married in their 20's.

Educated, professional women in DC do seem to wait a really long time to have children. They also seem to get married later. I got married at 26, and am now 29. I am ready for children, DH is not quite ready yet. Women I know in their early to mid 30s (and even in their 40s) keep telling me to wait, I have time, I will be the youngest mom in kindergarten. They think that I am weird for being an educated professional and wanting kids so "young".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miscarried my frist pregnancy and around the time of my miscarriage about 6 women at my church had children. I didn't share that we'd been pregnant and miscarried, but I did avoid these families as much as I could for a couple months. The only thing that bothered me was when I was forced to talk to one of the dads, he was rude to me. I asked how their older son was doing with the baby and he snapped, "I wish people would quit asking me that." He is a super nice guy and I was shocked. I wanted to say - "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to talk to you and make any semblance of a nice, interested question??" In a way, it was a lesson for me in "you never know what other people are going through, so be thoughtful and kind as much as you possibly kind." I have three wonderful kids now.

Other people get to have bad days, too, not just you. Also, "we" were not pregnant. You, a woman, was pregnant. You and your DH were expecting a child but he sure as hell was not pregnant!!!!!

Oh, PP! You are one of the few who agrees with me about the "we are pregnant" thing! It's become so common lately and it annoys me to no end. It's the feminization of men or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one's being a victim here. But plenty of people are being really full of themselves.

I've yet to meet a woman who acts superior because of her "superior" childbearing abilities. I've met many TTC women who are bitter and angry at Moms (esp young ones).

Then you haven't met many pregnant women or even read much of DC Urban Moms!