I don't get all the frills about TTC

[Anonymous]

Someone please enlighten me...

What's the big deal? So we have to watch our steps around women TTC? Why? Life is not the way we want in a lot of other departments, why this one deserves so much attention?

I just noticed the amount of topics on how to tell TTC friend I'm pregnant, do I invite a TTC friend to my shower? Should I bring my child with me to visit a TTC friend? WTH?

I can't afford a 1M house, should people who own those houses be embarrassed or try to avoid inviting me over because they feel pity for my situation? I lost my mom so nobody else should celebrate mother's day or talk about their moms around me anymore?

Let me clarify... I was diagnosed with 2 conditions that made me realize how hard it would be for me to have a child if one day I decided I wanted one so I know what I'm talking about. I never felt bothered by friends getting pregnant, I always loved children and don't mind being asked to babysit when friends want to have a night out. I'm glad my friends didn't put me in a separate compartment in their lives and didn't assume my entire being revolved around this aspect of life.

Thanks guys!

[Anonymous]

"If one day I decided I wanted one" is a lot different from "I've been trying for months and months" so I am not sure you do know what you are talking about.

Of course I would not say no should ever celebrate Mother's Day just because someone lost their mother, but I also would try not say to someone who just lost their mother "I am so happy my mother is in town to give me advice and support." Somewhere between the two is a reasonable place to be.

And comparisons to house sizes is just silly.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you get the gold medal for empathy today OP!

[Anonymous]

How about a comparison to married people vs. non-married people? I'm sympathetic toward those who are TTC, but my sympathy ends when they do ridiculous things like asking people not to post baby pics on FB or whatever. (which happened to a friend of mine.) That would be like me - a never-married person - requesting that nobody post wedding pictures or pictures of them with their husbands because it makes me feel bad for myself because I want to get married but can't find a husband. Unfortunately, not everyone gets everything they want in life. (but yes, usually I'm sympathetic - I understand the drive to have a baby.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about a comparison to married people vs. non-married people? I'm sympathetic toward those who are TTC, but my sympathy ends when they do ridiculous things like asking people not to post baby pics on FB or whatever. (which happened to a friend of mine.) That would be like me - a never-married person - requesting that nobody post wedding pictures or pictures of them with their husbands because it makes me feel bad for myself because I want to get married but can't find a husband. Unfortunately, not everyone gets everything they want in life. (but yes, usually I'm sympathetic - I understand the drive to have a baby.)

OP here and I apologize for the bad examples... This is exactly what I was talking about and your example was GREAT! Thanks!

A friend of mine just told me she blocked our common friend because she "can't take those baby pictures any longer" and I was like WHAAAAAAAAAAT? :SHOCK:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If one day I decided I wanted one" is a lot different from "I've been trying for months and months" so I am not sure you do know what you are talking about.

Of course I would not say no should ever celebrate Mother's Day just because someone lost their mother, but I also would try not say to someone who just lost their mother "I am so happy my mother is in town to give me advice and support." Somewhere between the two is a reasonable place to be.

And comparisons to house sizes is just silly.

OP here and trust me, we've tried.

I know my limitations and my options... and I'm pretty happy with the outcome.

It reminds me of the 44yo lady the other day complaining about her insurance not wanting to cover IVF... Where did common sense go?

[Anonymous]

Some of the walking on eggshells is over the top. I went through a lot to have my one DC and am trying to have another (without much success). #1 took 4 years, many rounds of IVF, IVF complications, $75K, etc. I understand how heartbreaking it is, and how it can be hard when you see others having children. At the same time, I never would have expected others to alter their behavior (never to talk about their kids ever, never share pictures, etc.)

I think we should be sensitive and compassionate but that doesn't mean super duper special treatment.

[Anonymous]

If you're happy with the outcome then you're not really in the same place, are you?

I also think there is a huge difference between blocking someone's page and asking them not to post.

[Anonymous]

I have a dear friend who struggled with infertility for years and required medical interventions to get pregnant. And you know what she used to say, when someone expressed that she might be uncomfortable with baby news? "Just because I can't get pregnant doesn't mean the world stops revolving."

And 10:45, no one has the right to ask you not to post pictures of your baby on FB. No one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If one day I decided I wanted one" is a lot different from "I've been trying for months and months" so I am not sure you do know what you are talking about.

Of course I would not say no should ever celebrate Mother's Day just because someone lost their mother, but I also would try not say to someone who just lost their mother "I am so happy my mother is in town to give me advice and support." Somewhere between the two is a reasonable place to be.

And comparisons to house sizes is just silly.

OP here and trust me, we've tried.

I know my limitations and my options... and I'm pretty happy with the outcome.

It reminds me of the 44yo lady the other day complaining about her insurance not wanting to cover IVF... Where did common sense go?[/quote]

I think the point of that post went right over your head.

And I don't see the difference between paying for IVF for a 44 year old, and paying for a heart stent for a 75 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about a comparison to married people vs. non-married people? I'm sympathetic toward those who are TTC, but my sympathy ends when they do ridiculous things like asking people not to post baby pics on FB or whatever. (which happened to a friend of mine.) That would be like me - a never-married person - requesting that nobody post wedding pictures or pictures of them with their husbands because it makes me feel bad for myself because I want to get married but can't find a husband. Unfortunately, not everyone gets everything they want in life. (but yes, usually I'm sympathetic - I understand the drive to have a baby.)

OP here and I apologize for the bad examples... This is exactly what I was talking about and your example was GREAT! Thanks!

A friend of mine just told me she blocked our common friend because she "can't take those baby pictures any longer" and I was like WHAAAAAAAAAAT? :SHOCK:

Don't you think there is nothing wrong with that woman blocking the friend temporarily as long as she doesn't think the friend has done anything wrong?

[Anonymous]

Wow. As someone who has dealt with infertility, I have to say OP, you sound like a huge fucking bitch. Have a lovely life, though.

[Anonymous]

10:29 here - I think it's totally ok for a TTC person to hide all their friends who have kids or pregnancies if it makes them feel bad. I hide plenty of people for other reasons, like my uber-political friends during election season, or those people who play all the games and take all the quizzes. You shouldn't have to see stuff you don't want to see. But I think it's unreasonable to ask people not to post non-offensive stuff that *might* hurt someone's feelings.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree 100%. This walking on eggshells shit for those TTC is over the top.

If I'm being completely honest, I sympathize most with women who have medical conditions that caused their infertility. Not so much for women who wanted to focus on reaching partner at their firm and thought they were perfectly okay to start working on their family at 45+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a dear friend who struggled with infertility for years and required medical interventions to get pregnant. And you know what she used to say, when someone expressed that she might be uncomfortable with baby news? "Just because I can't get pregnant doesn't mean the world stops revolving."

And 10:45, no one has the right to ask you not to post pictures of your baby on FB. No one.

Thank you for posting this. I don't understand the extreme walking on eggshells people do. Yes, infertility sucks and it affects people mentally/emotionally. But the world does keep turning - you have to deal with that. If that means excusing yourself or removing yourself from conversations, facebook, etc, do it. But don't guilt people into placating you.

Now, this doesn't mean that your close friends and family won't be mindful of your situation. I knew a cousin had trouble conceiving (they had announced and then m/ced a couple times) and I was hoping they would have a successful pregnancy before us. Turns out we got pregnant at the same time and their child was born a couple days before mine, but yes, I did think about how it might feel to them had I been the first cousin to get pregnant (I am 10 years younger, too). But we also weren't going to readjust our plans to conceive just because they were having trouble.