How tolerant are private schools towards neurodiversity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

My kids are at a parochial school and tons of parents will volunteer that their kid has ADHD and how the school has helped them, but no one will admit to their kid being on the spectrum. It’s very hush hush.

[Anonymous]

When I see "tolerate neurodiversity until behavior is a problem, then it's strict discipline" I have to cringe. No, you are not tolerating or supporting neurodiversity if you think ND students can fit a strictly dictated mold like NT kids. And trying to pound ND kids into shape is like screaming at a thunderstorm. Total waste of time. Makes it worse, in fact. The kid spirals and tunes out or flips out.

That does NOT mean accepting loud disruptions, theft, bullying, or violence. That's not what mild neurodiversity brings with it.

But trouble paying attention, exhaustion from masking, inability to answer cold-calling questions on the spot, poor executive functioning, awkward social skills, etc. are all par for the course.

Neurodiversity is a complicated grab bag of issues and challenges. Any school that thinks "extra time" is a magic cure all should NOT accept ND kids, nor should their parents try to keep them there. for everyone's sake.

IYKYK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

My kids are at a parochial school and tons of parents will volunteer that their kid has ADHD and how the school has helped them, but no one will admit to their kid being on the spectrum. It’s very hush hush.

Could be true, but at times of exams everyone knows who gets extra time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

My kids are at a parochial school and tons of parents will volunteer that their kid has ADHD and how the school has helped them, but no one will admit to their kid being on the spectrum. It’s very hush hush.

Could be true, but at times of exams everyone knows who gets extra time.

I don’t really get what you mean. Yes, the adhd kids do and the other kids notice it. But the ASD kids don’t get anything.
I think parents are more open about adhd because generally their kids are still popular with their peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

My kids are at a parochial school and tons of parents will volunteer that their kid has ADHD and how the school has helped them, but no one will admit to their kid being on the spectrum. It’s very hush hush.

Could be true, but at times of exams everyone knows who gets extra time.

I don’t really get what you mean. Yes, the adhd kids do and the other kids notice it. But the ASD kids don’t get anything.
I think parents are more open about adhd because generally their kids are still popular with their peers

My point was that ADHD is considered neurodiversity, same as ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

My kids are at a parochial school and tons of parents will volunteer that their kid has ADHD and how the school has helped them, but no one will admit to their kid being on the spectrum. It’s very hush hush.

They don't need to admit what everyone else can see.

[Anonymous]

DS attended one briefly. The teacher was...let's say it was apparent she despised him only 3 weeks into the new year when we were called in for a meeting and asked to leave. It took some time to deal with the shame from that hurtful experience. (Yes, we were fully upfront with his background). Guessing it was a slow year for full pays that year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

My kids are at a parochial school and tons of parents will volunteer that their kid has ADHD and how the school has helped them, but no one will admit to their kid being on the spectrum. It’s very hush hush.

Could be true, but at times of exams everyone knows who gets extra time.

I don’t really get what you mean. Yes, the adhd kids do and the other kids notice it. But the ASD kids don’t get anything.
I think parents are more open about adhd because generally their kids are still popular with their peers

My point was that ADHD is considered neurodiversity, same as ASD.

Yet, they are so not the same.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're talking about certain milder ND issues, public schools are going to be better at catering to ND then most privates. In our experience, some public districts now prioritize ND students over NT students.

[Anonymous]

Tolerant? Yes.

Bend over backwards to accommodate you? No, unless you choose a special needs / creative learners type of independent school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity.

Except for the few specialized schools that only accept students with neuridiversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're talking about certain milder ND issues, public schools are going to be better at catering to ND then most privates. In our experience, some public districts now prioritize ND students over NT students.

Yes - public schools have essentially zero obligations w/r/t to NT students, so their interests often take a backseat to the needs of ND students, especially if there is an official diagnosis + 504/IEP.

Private schools are permitted to weigh the demands of accommodating ND students (many of whom are perfectly fine in most outward respects) against the needs of the overall school community and make an up or down judgement. What is really common sense can feel jarring when juxtaposed against the legal regimes and requirements that public schools must contend with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're talking about certain milder ND issues, public schools are going to be better at catering to ND then most privates. In our experience, some public districts now prioritize ND students over NT students.

Yes - public schools have essentially zero obligations w/r/t to NT students, so their interests often take a backseat to the needs of ND students, especially if there is an official diagnosis + 504/IEP.

Private schools are permitted to weigh the demands of accommodating ND students (many of whom are perfectly fine in most outward respects) against the needs of the overall school community and make an up or down judgement. What is really common sense can feel jarring when juxtaposed against the legal regimes and requirements that public schools must contend with.

I guess it's fine for private schools to prioritize NT over ND students. But then they shouldn't be pretending otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're talking about certain milder ND issues, public schools are going to be better at catering to ND then most privates. In our experience, some public districts now prioritize ND students over NT students.

Yes - public schools have essentially zero obligations w/r/t to NT students, so their interests often take a backseat to the needs of ND students, especially if there is an official diagnosis + 504/IEP.

Private schools are permitted to weigh the demands of accommodating ND students (many of whom are perfectly fine in most outward respects) against the needs of the overall school community and make an up or down judgement. What is really common sense can feel jarring when juxtaposed against the legal regimes and requirements that public schools must contend with.

I guess it's fine for private schools to prioritize NT over ND students. But then they shouldn't be pretending otherwise.

Agreed - but much of what these private schools broadcast is performative claptrap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're talking about certain milder ND issues, public schools are going to be better at catering to ND then most privates. In our experience, some public districts now prioritize ND students over NT students.

Yes - public schools have essentially zero obligations w/r/t to NT students, so their interests often take a backseat to the needs of ND students, especially if there is an official diagnosis + 504/IEP.

Private schools are permitted to weigh the demands of accommodating ND students (many of whom are perfectly fine in most outward respects) against the needs of the overall school community and make an up or down judgement. What is really common sense can feel jarring when juxtaposed against the legal regimes and requirements that public schools must contend with.

I guess it's fine for private schools to prioritize NT over ND students. But then they shouldn't be pretending otherwise.

Much like publics shouldn’t pretend they are there to educate all the children.