How tolerant are private schools towards neurodiversity?

[Anonymous]

You expect teachers to grade on potential rather than actual product/work/accomplishment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neurodiversity is accommodated, bad behavior typically isn’t

+1
My kid is smart and very well behaved. His only real problem is trouble making friends—not athletic, not a “bro”, obsessed with math and world records. Teachers tend to be pretty fond of him and they’ve been helpful sitting him next to similar boys who he can bond with. Also principal hooked us up with an after school social skills group.

[Anonymous]

I'm sort of in two minds about this. On the one hand you want your child's neurodiversity to be acknowledged and fully supported and so you look for schools that promote that. However in our experience those schools attract a higher than average number of kids who have these qualities and those can be coupled with behavior issues. This type of environment was actually incredibly dysregulating for our child. From the lack of clear routines and expectations to the mismanagement of behavior issues. Within a few weeks they were constantly needing fidgets, comfort items, would panic for small things etc. Perhaps copying the behavior they saw at school . It was exhausting because the neurodiversity we saw didn't really manifest in this way before. Fast forward to switching to a regular catholic parochial school and the fidgets are long gone, the morning struggles also. The behavior expectations are there, clearly spelled out, the uniform helps with morning indecisiveness and the ensuing meltdowns from having to pick the clothes that feel good on one day but not the next, and the classes, although somewhat predictable in our opinion and not exactly what you'd call innovative, are very structured and hold very few surprises. Our child is happy and thriving as a result, for the first time in years. All this to say for neurodivergent kids, sometimes we might be looking for the environment they want in the most accommodating places but that's not necessarily the one they actually need. Everyone's child is different though and every school will have different ways to accommodate need, down to the personality of the special education teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child with ADHD was shunned by their school with one teacher being particular cruel. Awful place. Highly sought after school on this board. They asked us to commit to things that our child’s medical team found appalling and against the standard of care and when we questioned it told us we were turn problem. I wouldn’t trust them to take care of a houseplant much less a child.

Can you be more specific and give some examples?

[Anonymous]

In our experience the school has been great with accommodations to noise sensitivity - allowing noise cancelling headphones, advance notice of loud alarm drills, option to avoid things like pep rallies that are loud and overstimulating for our kid but super fun for others. But our kid’s neurodivergence doesn’t manifest in behavior problems much. Kid withdraws when not accommodated in noisy situations usually. Very smart and participates enthusiastically and appropriately in class, can do group assignments without issues, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADHD and mild ASD are fine, especially if the child is 2E with high IQ. But few privates have much capacity (or will) to accommodate anything else.

After 13 years in top DC independent schools, I concur

[Anonymous]

We had a similar experience. The small religious private we were in until middle school is trying to position itself as a school that is welcoming of all children regardless of ability or need. The reality was very different. It seemed like neurodivergent children were only accommodated until they behaved like neurodivergent kids, and then the hammer came down with harsh punishments that we felt were inappropriate developmentally. When the issue was raised, we were basically told that the faculty and head of school know children better than we do and that these lessons were intended to be “memorable.”

[Anonymous]

If you kid is hyped up on drugs many teachers don't like having their rooms trashed and them hassled by principals like the teacher is at fault. Most schools blame the teachers so your child's feelings are preserved to carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not seen any schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity.

Ask if the school has a neurodiversity affinity group. You will be surprised.

[Anonymous]

I'm a product of a DC independent school and currently work in one. A few things come to mind:
- It depends on the school. There are independent schools like Lab, McLean, and Linder that focus on learners with a specific type of neurodivergence.
- While most schools strive to support neurodivergent learners, in admissions committees, it often comes down to the question of, "Does our school and staff have the resources to support the needs of this particular student?" Since neurodiverence is a spectrum, there might be multiple kids with autism, yet the way one child's autism manifests might be within the range that a school can support, while another's might not.
- As others in this thread have stated, oftentimes it comes down to behavior, and this can be connected to academics. If a child cannot access the curriculum, they are more likely to display behavioral challenges as a result.
- In my teacher preparation program for public schools, we only had one class on learning differences. In general education programs, learning how to teach neurodivergent students is not the focus. Independent schools often do not require teachers to have gone through a formal teacher training program, so many teachers in private schools do not have any formal learning in these areas, unless the school has prioritized neurodivergence as a professional development topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

You seem confused what mainstream private schools serve. They do not need or are required to accommodate neurodiversity. If your child needs this kind of support, then these type of schools are not the right place for them and honestly wouldn't you want an environment where they are supported and can thrive? There are smaller private schools specifically for these kind of students.

As for a child's behavior fitting neatly, I have found that it doesn't matter if your child is neurodiverse or not, that schools really only want the well behaved, rule following children, especially by middle school. One of my children was constantly getting reprimanded in school for being argumentative, too outspoken and challenging and it was framed as a behavioral issue when all it was literally asking lot of questions, being opinionated and passionate during history class discussions. Teachers just found her irritating because she had opposite opinions but she wasn't getting in "trouble" in the traditional sense. The school would preach "we meet children where they are" and "we welcome all points of view" and "we foster healthy debate" but in reality they just wanted the students to agree with the teacher so the classroom would be easy. I don't even want to think about what would case if she had actual behavioral issues. We saw that at the school (kids throwing things, kids eloping, fights) and those kids were asked to leave. My kid they just constantly give a hard time except for the occasional teacher that really likes her because she "shows sign of being a leader" and is "provocative". If you feel unsupported leave, I wish we had.

You seem to be out of touch with reality. Most kids with ADHD are considered to be part of neurodiversity. Ask other families in your school in their kids were diagnosed with adhd. You will be surprised.

I’m not asking other families that. Why would I do that?

[Anonymous]

Adderall is amphetamines. They used to give it to Nazis so they could fight better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You expect teachers to grade on potential rather than actual product/work/accomplishment?

I worked at an independent school and absolutely some parents thought this! Never mind the fact that I was putting in way more time and work than the kid (assigning a note taker to take notes for him so he could zone out on the iPad, providing outlines, reminders for deadlines, twice weekly emails with mom, lunch meetings with student to go over work the student was supposed to have completed, lunch group meeting with mom/student/learning specialist/admin).