How tolerant are private schools towards neurodiversity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about being “tolerant.” But most private schools simply don’t have the resources for neuro divergent students.

It’s not that. It’s that the other parents are purchasing a set of peers that is of a certain type/level. Kids with autism don’t meet that social expectation even if they are “well behaved” and don’t need much support beyond what the other kids might need. Think Napoleon Dynamite. ADHD is a different story - kids with ADHD are often very outgoing and charming and socially on par (or even popular). Of course this is all muddied by parents claiming kids with any difficulty are “ND” which makes it harder to assess claims that such-and-such a private school is “so accepting of neurodiversity.”

Why would anyone want his or her children to have no experience with neurodivergent peers? Are bright but awkward children with autism somehow offensive to you?? The world is a diverse place, why would anyone want to "purchase" a set of peers who have been chosen explicitly to weed out neurodivergence that the school does have capacity to handle???

Because that is how most wealthy people think.

No, that is what people think most wealthy people think. Our child attends a private school with a mix of families, but full of wealthy ones. Of course there are NT and ND kids in the class. Rich does not mean NT. There are still behaviors in class, the difference is that one or two children’s behaviors and needs are not taking over the vast majority of instructional time and energy.

I work in a public elementary in 3rd grade and each class has a classroom teacher and push in aides. Even with aides, most of the teacher’s time and attention goes to the three kids in class with needs - one has a vision issue and has behavioral issues, another is way way below grade level developmentally and academically and really should be in a separate school altogether, and another has hyperactive ADHD. The quiet, average to above average NT kids spend most of their class time rushing through the work and then taking screenshots with their iPads or flipping through pictures of dogs. This class is not as bad as the one down the hall, which is frequently evacuated because of one emotionally unstable kid who flips chairs, screams, and hits people - again, another kid who really cannot have his needs met at this public school.

Our private school would probably accept the hyperactive ADHD kid and the lower than average kid with vision issues (sent to resource staff for certain classes), but absolutely would not admit the chair throwing screaming kid or the kid who is in 3rd grade but is barely at a preschool level in his work.

[Anonymous]

Our private is absolutely horrible for neurodivergent kids. They asked us to comply with accommodations they forced on us which went against the recommendations of our child’s psychiatrist. Our doctor was appalled. We ended up pulling our child from the school. They are truly awful people who actively hurt my child with their willful ignorance and stupidity.

[Anonymous]

My child with ADHD, anxiety, and OCD is at Bullis and they have been there since elementary school. It is because of the education and learning support that they received that they will be attending a top 40 school this fall. My child learned to think critically, work individually and in groups, but most importantly, they had support to help them when they faltered. What I love about Bullis is that you can be on an Ivy League path and get the challenge you need, or be on a regular path and be supported and encouraged.

[Anonymous]

Having been directly employed to create systems to support learning needs, I left 3 private schools due to a lack of best practices and push back from HOS and other admin when I explained what it takes to support learning needs/neurodiversity. They used my data to counsel kids out instead of adapting and training teachers to be better educators. These kids did not have behaviors, although the previous statements about not tolerating behaviors is accurate, it wasn’t a factor in my experience. Mostly it was dyslexia, dysgraphia and dyscalculia that they wouldn’t accommodate past 3rd or 4th grade. There was a case where the family had their name of many buildings from generations of being with the school but the school still counseled them out.
At the end of the day, name, money or effort mean nothing to larger 50k tuition private schools when there is a need for specialized education, they have an image to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole site really has been taken over by a lot of people with weird extreme agendas, poor writing and editing skills, and hateful attitudes. While DCUM has always been a little insanely intense/competitive, it’s a lot worse now than it was 6-7 years ago.

This is not because this site has changed, the schools have and the discussions on this forum reflects that shift. More families are identifying needs for support and asking for it, the schools are not responding well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child with ADHD, anxiety, and OCD is at Bullis and they have been there since elementary school. It is because of the education and learning support that they received that they will be attending a top 40 school this fall. My child learned to think critically, work individually and in groups, but most importantly, they had support to help them when they faltered. What I love about Bullis is that you can be on an Ivy League path and get the challenge you need, or be on a regular path and be supported and encouraged.

Bullis does better than most but given the price, they could do better. This is true for so many overpriced privates iN DC/VA/MD

[Anonymous]

It's like some parents want there kids to be screwed up in the head where the only fix is more drugs and less rules and laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole site really has been taken over by a lot of people with weird extreme agendas, poor writing and editing skills, and hateful attitudes. While DCUM has always been a little insanely intense/competitive, it’s a lot worse now than it was 6-7 years ago.

Private school parents in dc are weird now and 6 years ago. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Avoid Beauvoir if you care about this issue. Friends have had really bad experiences. We have been shocked at the schools response to multiple families in the community. It’s so bad that they even rescheduled a ND parent / student event open to the whole school in a room intentionally out of the way - reinforces the “we don’t want you here” vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been directly employed to create systems to support learning needs, I left 3 private schools due to a lack of best practices and push back from HOS and other admin when I explained what it takes to support learning needs/neurodiversity. They used my data to counsel kids out instead of adapting and training teachers to be better educators. These kids did not have behaviors, although the previous statements about not tolerating behaviors is accurate, it wasn’t a factor in my experience. Mostly it was dyslexia, dysgraphia and dyscalculia that they wouldn’t accommodate past 3rd or 4th grade. There was a case where the family had their name of many buildings from generations of being with the school but the school still counseled them out.
At the end of the day, name, money or effort mean nothing to larger 50k tuition private schools when there is a need for specialized education, they have an image to sell.

Private schools aren't going to try to be all things for all people. That's the public school domain. Also, there are specific private schools that cater to these special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole site really has been taken over by a lot of people with weird extreme agendas, poor writing and editing skills, and hateful attitudes. While DCUM has always been a little insanely intense/competitive, it’s a lot worse now than it was 6-7 years ago.

This is not because this site has changed, the schools have and the discussions on this forum reflects that shift. More families are identifying needs for support and asking for it, the schools are not responding well.

They aren't under any obligation to change their business model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neurodiversity is accommodated, bad behavior typically isn’t

It's this.

+1
ADHD is pretty well accommodated as long as it doesn't lead to disruptive behavior. They don't accommodate behavioral issues. That's just the way it is. For those you need a specialized school.

Yes, but my 2e kid is a target anytime there's an issue in class. It's gotten to the point where he only sits by girls to avoid getting sucked into or blamed for drama started by other boys. We also spend 20 minutes every morning writing a checklist of what has to get turned in before he leaves, and then at the end of the day, I check the online platform to verify that all assignments do at the end of the school day were turned in, and if they weren't, he goes to one of the after school group tutoring sessions to complete the assignment, because they were giving him zeros on assignments he turned in at 8 pm instead of 3 pm. In his case, the work was often done by 3 pm, but he forgot to submit it. The slight accommodation they made was that they'd accept work turned in after 3 pm but before the end of the tutoring session.

All that said, we're not leaving. He needs to learn how to manage deadlines. They are hard on him, but he's in high school now and needs to learn to manage his schedule before he leaves for college. It feels like they tolerate us because we don't challenge his teachers, and he has high test scores. We had a 504 plan at his previous school, and we dropped it before applying to the new school. I told a few teachers about his challenges with focus (mostly daydreaming), organization, and meeting deadlines in his first semester, but it felt like it made things worse for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neurodiversity is accommodated, bad behavior typically isn’t

It's this.

+1
ADHD is pretty well accommodated as long as it doesn't lead to disruptive behavior. They don't accommodate behavioral issues. That's just the way it is. For those you need a specialized school.

Yes, but my 2e kid is a target anytime there's an issue in class. It's gotten to the point where he only sits by girls to avoid getting sucked into or blamed for drama started by other boys. We also spend 20 minutes every morning writing a checklist of what has to get turned in before he leaves, and then at the end of the day, I check the online platform to verify that all assignments do at the end of the school day were turned in, and if they weren't, he goes to one of the after school group tutoring sessions to complete the assignment, because they were giving him zeros on assignments he turned in at 8 pm instead of 3 pm. In his case, the work was often done by 3 pm, but he forgot to submit it. The slight accommodation they made was that they'd accept work turned in after 3 pm but before the end of the tutoring session.

All that said, we're not leaving. He needs to learn how to manage deadlines. They are hard on him, but he's in high school now and needs to learn to manage his schedule before he leaves for college. It feels like they tolerate us because we don't challenge his teachers, and he has high test scores. We had a 504 plan at his previous school, and we dropped it before applying to the new school. I told a few teachers about his challenges with focus (mostly daydreaming), organization, and meeting deadlines in his first semester, but it felt like it made things worse for him.

That's the difference between schools that just put up with these issues (mostly larger mainstream privates) and the schools that know how to support them and make that part of their mission (mostly much smaller). There is the "Do this or else!" philosophy on the one side. On the other, it's how can we help you learn how to do this and succeed at it until you get to the point where you can do it on your own.

ND kids who get that support often end up able to function just fine at the college level because they learned how they need to cope and function. Lots of mainstream privates will just wash them out to focus on their fast track kids instead.

To each their own. I have taught in both and prefer the latter myself.

[Anonymous]

The tolerance of ND related issues goes down as the kids get older. The teachers get fed up and so the peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tolerance of ND related issues goes down as the kids get older. The teachers get fed up and so the peers.

PPs aren't even just talking about tolerance they want full supports and accommodations and retraining teachers to deal with varying unique needs. That's just not what the private schools do best.