Zero empathy of the man cold

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

[Anonymous]

He needs vitamin C and D

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

You said “I feel you OP” which implies a similar issue. But you’re talking about an entirely different “man cold” unbeknownst to the rest of us.

So you apparently also weren’t following what OP was saying.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine if he has the flu and needs a few nights of good rest. But during the daytime, he needs to take medicine and power through enough to do some things. Maybe he can’t get through the entire to do list but he can at least sit on the couch and watch the kids or put a load of laundry in. Parents don’t get to check out completely.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm with you. PS Was with child in the night for hour with their belly pain and exhausted. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

You said “I feel you OP” which implies a similar issue. But you’re talking about an entirely different “man cold” unbeknownst to the rest of us.

So you apparently also weren’t following what OP was saying.

Obviously, "I feel you" does not mean "I am experiencing an identical situation"

Can you maybe find something else to do with your time besides trying unsuccessfully to abuse people online? It's a beautiful day here in the DMV (if you live here). Go outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

How old are your kids and what exactly is it that you need to do when he’s sick that he’s not helping with?

Op - kids are 11 and under. Elementary school age.

Need to get kids up, fed breakfast, lunches made, drive to school, walk dog, I work full time from home, pick up kids from school, supervise homework, make dinner, drive kids to sports practices, make sure laundry is done, give baths to younger kids, get kids ready for bed, put to bed, clean up house before I can finally go to sleep.

11 and under and they’re all school aged and you have lots of optional tasks there as well as tasks school aged kids can easily do for themselves. You have to “make sure laundry is done” every single day? Really? You have to clean the house every single day? Your 11 year old can’t make some sandwiches and grab the pre-wrapped snacks I’m sure line your pantry and throw them into lunchboxes for the themselves and siblings? Your younger kids (how many and how young?) need to take baths every single day (even though that’s not good for their skin?)

Yup, sounds like a classic DCUM mommy martyr. I have zero empathy for the mommy martyr.

[Anonymous]

Phew, the martyrdom is strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

You said “I feel you OP” which implies a similar issue. But you’re talking about an entirely different “man cold” unbeknownst to the rest of us.

So you apparently also weren’t following what OP was saying.

Obviously, "I feel you" does not mean "I am experiencing an identical situation"

Can you maybe find something else to do with your time besides trying unsuccessfully to abuse people online? It's a beautiful day here in the DMV (if you live here). Go outside.

Sorry I triggered you by pointing out your reply was a non sequitur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

Yeah, if he travels every month you need to quit your job

This is terrible advice. Stop telling women to quit their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

You said “I feel you OP” which implies a similar issue. But you’re talking about an entirely different “man cold” unbeknownst to the rest of us.

So you apparently also weren’t following what OP was saying.

Obviously, "I feel you" does not mean "I am experiencing an identical situation"

Can you maybe find something else to do with your time besides trying unsuccessfully to abuse people online? It's a beautiful day here in the DMV (if you live here). Go outside.

Sorry I triggered you by pointing out your reply was a non sequitur.

I have an idea - you could go for a nice walk to the store and see if they still sell dictionaries.

[Anonymous]

Somehow she finds time to do DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

Agree. Women with children have to power through in order to keep the family afloat and moving forward.

Too many husbands dump everything on their wives too much and too frequently.

Not me. I'm a woman and a mom and when I'm sick, my husband steps up. We've both covered for the other when sick, when work is stressful, when we're out of town, etc.

OP, he may not understand the burden it's putting on you to do everything while he's gone and then when he's back. Of course, these are work trips, and he's working, but you are also working harder while he's gone. When he gets back it's fair to say I know you don't feel well but I really need you to do X. Or once he's feeling better he steps up more and you get some time off. I don't like bean counting so I have no idea who has been sick more/who has done more, but my husband and I just take turns stepping up as needed. Maybe your husband needs to understand that he has to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

How old are your kids and what exactly is it that you need to do when he’s sick that he’s not helping with?

Op - kids are 11 and under. Elementary school age.

Need to get kids up, fed breakfast, lunches made, drive to school, walk dog, I work full time from home, pick up kids from school, supervise homework, make dinner, drive kids to sports practices, make sure laundry is done, give baths to younger kids, get kids ready for bed, put to bed, clean up house before I can finally go to sleep.

I also have kids the same ages and two dogs and I work from home in a pretty demanding job. Here are some thoughts:

- Why are you driving your kids to and from school? Mine are in private but there's a bus. It's worth every single penny because of the amount of time saved in carpool line. Seriously, that is a huge time suck.

- Get a dog walker or find a daycare that your husband can drop the dog off at a few times a week (I assume he goes into the office at least a few days?). I enjoy walking my dogs sometimes but it's also been nice to have a dog walker when I'm really busy.

- Why are you making your kids lunches? I don't know how young the youngest one is but ours have always eaten school lunch and if they want something else, they can make it.

- Supervising homework at those ages is not that difficult? My oldest is 11 so I feel like I know what kind of work they do all the way through elementary and the start of middle but maybe your kids are different.

- Consider hiring a nanny for driving to sports stuff, which is what we did. She's a college student and doesn't have classes in the afternoons so she takes them a few times a week. We pay her hourly (including time spent in carpool) plus mileage and we pay for her dinner.

- Lower your standards on cleaning the house as needed. Given that I work from home, I'll often jump up and do something quickly if I have calls that end early or I finish eating lunch quickly. It helps a lot with the overall big picture. Also, and this should be obvious, but you should have weekly cleaners.

I'm not unsympathetic to your plight, but I do think there are some ways you could make your life easier given your husband's situation with travel and illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

You said “I feel you OP” which implies a similar issue. But you’re talking about an entirely different “man cold” unbeknownst to the rest of us.

So you apparently also weren’t following what OP was saying.

NP but the PP's posts have all made perfect sense.