Zero empathy of the man cold

[Anonymous]

He's not sick all these times. He's tired, jet lagged, hungove, and dehydrated, and hiding from home responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - the problem is when he travels he has to do day conferences/meetings and then spends the rest of the evening trying to get his actual work done. Of course going out to eat and drinking doesn’t help but he isn’t out boozing all night.

When he is on the west coast he is waking up at east coast hours and going to bed on west coast hours. So getting way less sleep.

He definitely washes his hands enough. He is a germaphobe.

Sounds like he needs better coverage at the office when he travels. Is this a small company or not team projects?

Also, it all conferences add value to you not gin up new business. Be judicious about conference travel. I say no thanks to 99% of it. At most I rotate around the 3-4 I get the most value out of, if it even works for my work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - the problem is when he travels he has to do day conferences/meetings and then spends the rest of the evening trying to get his actual work done. Of course going out to eat and drinking doesn’t help but he isn’t out boozing all night.

When he is on the west coast he is waking up at east coast hours and going to bed on west coast hours. So getting way less sleep.

He definitely washes his hands enough. He is a germaphobe.

Sounds like he needs better coverage at the office when he travels. Is this a small company or not team projects?

Also, it all conferences add value to you not gin up new business. Be judicious about conference travel. I say no thanks to 99% of it. At most I rotate around the 3-4 I get the most value out of, if it even works for my work schedule.

Op - he is a lawyer. He goes for business development and to network. Then after he is done with that he has to do his actual work (briefs, meetings, legal writing crap). Lawyers need to gin up their own business and do all the work too. It’s a stupid model.

[Anonymous]

What do YOU do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do YOU do?

Op - I work from home 90% of the time. I have mommy tracked myself because I am the default parent.

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - the problem is when he travels he has to do day conferences/meetings and then spends the rest of the evening trying to get his actual work done. Of course going out to eat and drinking doesn’t help but he isn’t out boozing all night.

When he is on the west coast he is waking up at east coast hours and going to bed on west coast hours. So getting way less sleep.

He definitely washes his hands enough. He is a germaphobe.

Sounds like he needs better coverage at the office when he travels. Is this a small company or not team projects?

Also, it all conferences add value to you not gin up new business. Be judicious about conference travel. I say no thanks to 99% of it. At most I rotate around the 3-4 I get the most value out of, if it even works for my work schedule.

Op - he is a lawyer. He goes for business development and to network. Then after he is done with that he has to do his actual work (briefs, meetings, legal writing crap). Lawyers need to gin up their own business and do all the work too. It’s a stupid model.

Weird.

What kind of law is this that there are large conferences? Like transaction or M&A law? I feel that would be word of mouth. Clients don’t have time for meet & greet conferences either. They do listen to word of mouth.

Paralegals and AI can help with the mundane repetitive stuff.

[Anonymous]

He needs to get more sleep, if he drinks he needs to cut back and eat better. And men do not wash their hands as often.

If he continues to get sick he needs to see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not washing his hands or using hand sanitizer and touching all kinds of germy crap at the airport and hotels and then eating. He's nasty.

All of this. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not sick all these times. He's tired, jet lagged, hungove, and dehydrated, and hiding from home responsibilities.

Alllll the thingsss! Ha.
[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - the problem is when he travels he has to do day conferences/meetings and then spends the rest of the evening trying to get his actual work done. Of course going out to eat and drinking doesn’t help but he isn’t out boozing all night.

When he is on the west coast he is waking up at east coast hours and going to bed on west coast hours. So getting way less sleep.

He definitely washes his hands enough. He is a germaphobe.

So it’s completely understandable that he is sick, you know he’s not faking, and you’re pretty much just acting like a selfish AH? You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

How old are your kids and what exactly is it that you need to do when he’s sick that he’s not helping with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH gets sick after he travels for work - seems to be pretty consistent. He flies out somewhere, works and stays up too late (especially when changing time zones) and then comes home and is sick.

Sometimes it’s just a minor cold and he can power through. This time though I think it’s the flu. I feel bad he is sick but I am also burned out from him being gone and now zero help at home while I hold down everything with the kids and home. He went to bed last night at 7pm and is still asleep.

I have only been sick one time in the 12 years of parenting enough to actually sleep and not take care of the kids.

If the man has been sleeping for 13 hours, he's legitimately sick. And you're a callous, shitty spouse. Get over it and deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

How old are your kids and what exactly is it that you need to do when he’s sick that he’s not helping with?

Op - kids are 11 and under. Elementary school age.

Need to get kids up, fed breakfast, lunches made, drive to school, walk dog, I work full time from home, pick up kids from school, supervise homework, make dinner, drive kids to sports practices, make sure laundry is done, give baths to younger kids, get kids ready for bed, put to bed, clean up house before I can finally go to sleep.