DH continues his infidelity - Stuck and not sure what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the first time, around a year and a half ago, I forgave him. We did couples counseling, but he cheated again, and again. It started with texting, he would lie. I kind of buried my head in the sand until I found out he was sleeping with his AP for almost three months. He did acknowledge what he did and apologize, we did counseling, and made some changes, and I thought that was the end of it.

We have a 6 year old DD together which is the reason why I didn’t want to jump to divorce, but now I’m really stuck and feel like I am out of options. I’m also afraid of the entire divorce process, what his reaction might be, and co-parenting with him. My parents were divorced and that caused me to have a miserable childhood so I don’t want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents which is why I choose to stay, but I have tried everything, and I’m tired of the lying, and betrayal.

I know my little girl would be so devastated if we got divorced and all I want is the best for her and our future.

I’d really appreciate any advice or hope from others who were in a similar situation.

Get a copy of Tracy Schorn (Chumplady) Leave a Cheater, Get a Life. You know what you need to do, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the first time, around a year and a half ago, I forgave him. We did couples counseling, but he cheated again, and again. It started with texting, he would lie. I kind of buried my head in the sand until I found out he was sleeping with his AP for almost three months. He did acknowledge what he did and apologize, we did counseling, and made some changes, and I thought that was the end of it.

We have a 6 year old DD together which is the reason why I didn’t want to jump to divorce, but now I’m really stuck and feel like I am out of options. I’m also afraid of the entire divorce process, what his reaction might be, and co-parenting with him. My parents were divorced and that caused me to have a miserable childhood so I don’t want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents which is why I choose to stay, but I have tried everything, and I’m tired of the lying, and betrayal.

I know my little girl would be so devastated if we got divorced and all I want is the best for her and our future.

I’d really appreciate any advice or hope from others who were in a similar situation.

You need to divorce this guy. Is he the role model you want for your daughter? If you can't do it for yourself, please do it for her

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on money. If you are friends and ok with just being that and not lovers Id stay for the money and help at least till the child is older. There arent a lot of good guys out there. Wait till you find one to leave for. That's what hes doing. He doesnt love you. He may like you and the kid.

[Anonymous]

Also he will never stop cheating. Just accept this. Its not you. Its him. Its an addiction or tendency

[Anonymous]

I’m the poster from the other thread about the 20-year marriage, “taking space,” and discovering he’s cheating, again.

I was in your shoes once, and I regret not moving toward divorce when my kids were younger. I grew up in a divorced household and was determined my children would never experience that. But instead, they grew up with two parents who did not show love, affection, or trust toward each other.

I’ve never felt the same about him since the first betrayal, and I don’t trust him. The dynamic affected our home more than I realized. My kids have even asked why I’m so cold or “awful” toward him. I don’t have the heart to tell them the truth, because I know it would permanently damage their relationship with their father.

From my experience: if you stay, he will do it again. And again. There’s no real incentive for him to change, he’ll keep pushing boundaries, and if he gets caught, he’ll ride out the fallout until things settle and repeat the cycle.

It’s incredibly hard, but sometimes the healthiest choice is the most painful one in the short term. Looking back, I believe divorce would have been better for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he be willing to just stay married, not have sex, and have affairs? Would you?

This may work until it doesn't. At some point he'll want to/get pressure from another woman to be with her. This seems to me to be a bad path to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on money. If you are friends and ok with just being that and not lovers Id stay for the money and help at least till the child is older. There arent a lot of good guys out there. Wait till you find one to leave for. That's what hes doing. He doesnt love you. He may like you and the kid.

Bad deal. When his AP gets pregnant “accidentally” the child support will come out if OPs share. Lock down half the assets and child support for your daughter immediately.

[Anonymous]

Leave. This marriage isn’t a good example of love to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. Do not let your daughter grow up watching you let a man disrespect, lie, cheat, and treat you like trash. I know it's scary, but you will be OK and so will your daughter.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You spelled STBX wrong.


Bad marriage is worse for kids than good divorce.

100%
My mom stayed on a horrible marriage and it did so much damage to us.

[Anonymous]

Don't get pregnant, get a divorce!

[Anonymous]

When DCUM is unanimous, you need to listen. This is your sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on money. If you are friends and ok with just being that and not lovers Id stay for the money and help at least till the child is older. There arent a lot of good guys out there. Wait till you find one to leave for. That's what hes doing. He doesnt love you. He may like you and the kid.

Bad deal. When his AP gets pregnant “accidentally” the child support will come out if OPs share. Lock down half the assets and child support for your daughter immediately.

Yea, this. Get moving OP.

[Anonymous]

Please divorce. For yourself and for you daughter. Get a lawyer and a therapist. You can always put your child in therapy if she is struggling. You do not want to model living like this for her. He will continue disrespecting you. I am sorry. You can come out stronger

[Anonymous]

I’d consider money and be honest about the relationship.

I at one point had to decide at one point whether to leave a cheater, and my mistake was not being more honest about other aspects of the marriage. There were all sorts of issues including lack of friends, financial mismanagement, terrible family members who mistreated me and lying frequently. Now that I’m years passed it all I can see that cheating was one of many problems.

Unfortunately I think you have to leave a cheater who won’t stop cheating and isn’t committed to the marriage. Leave.